Most Pathetic Campaign Ad Evah

Take it away, Mitt, you pandering sack:

Transcript [Romney voiceover]: I’m deeply troubled about the culture that surrounds our kids today. Following the Columbine shootings, Peggy Noonan described our world as the ocean in which our children now swim. She described a cesspool of violence and sex and drugs and indolence and perversions; she said that the boys who did the shooting had inhaled too deeply in the oceans in which they swam. I’d like to see us clean up the water in which our kids are swimming. I’d like to keep pornography from coming up on their computers. I’d like to keep drugs off the streets. I’d like to see less violence and sex on TV and in video games and in movies. And if we get serious about this, we can actually do a great deal to clean up the water in which our kids and our grandkids are swimming. I’m Mitt Romney and I approve this message.

* * *

Yeah, well, I’d like to have my own pink pegasus to fly me to a castle made of rare doubloons surrounded by a milk chocolate moat.

It’s fun to have dreams.

But, um, what exactly is the plan for making this dream of cleaning up the cultural water a reality? And, while we’re at it, what’s the plan for cleaning up the actual water in which our kids swim, and which they, ya know, drink?

What really pisses me off about this ad is that it takes as read that “violence and sex” in the media creates kids like Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, in spite of the obvious glaring problem with that assertion—namely, that they are a rare fucking exception, even though the consumption of mass media among kids is the rule. It just seems so perfect that video games are to blame, or TV or movies “these days.” It’s just so goddamned convenient an answer, that no one ever stops to examine how patently absurd it really is.

Which is not to say that our media is innocuous—because it isn’t. What it does do is transmit and reinforce the cultural narratives that feed into the creation of dangerous or desperate or depressed kids, that convey the ugly stereotypes of men and women that damage us all, that imprint upon children from impossibly early ages that to be different is to be bad and uniqueness is to be taunted and bullied stomped on until it is gone or, at least, forced into a recognizable shape.

The violence and the sex are just the candy to make the medicine go down. And if we banned them, something else would just take their place. Hero cliffhangers at the cinemaplex, maybe. Or pulp novels. Or the promise of eternal salvation. I’m not sure what Leopold and Loeb did for fun when they weren’t planning murders, back in the days before video games.

[H/T Oddjob, who got it from Sully, and delivered it with the hilarious rhetorical: “Could Romney possibly pander any more nakedly???”]

Advertisements

32 Comments

Filed under 01_shakespeares_sister

32 responses to “Most Pathetic Campaign Ad Evah

  1. I’m not sure what Leopold and Loeb did for fun when they weren’t planning murders, back in the days before video games.

    teh buttsex, or so i hear.

  2. now, if those sick kids from columbine had been minorities, or geez, gay, or perhaps muslims, wow, could you imagine the commercial that jackass would have on the air?!

    how disgusting. how obvious and yet, there are those that will eat it up with a spoon! : (

  3. Best way to get violence off TV is to end the occupation in Iraq. That shit is on every day.

  4. teh buttsex, or so i hear.

    LOL! Now I want to watch Swoon again.

  5. I’m not sure what Leopold and Loeb did for fun when they weren’t planning murders, back in the days before video games.

    Or Titus Andronicus, or Electra, or Medea, or Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, or Macbeth.

    The idea of blaming entertainment and artistic expression for the allegded depravity of a particular civilization is as old as Sophocles’ rant agains the youth of Athens…when he wasn’t screwing them. And it’s about as backwards as saying that snow causes winter. Our media is a mirror of our society. Sometimes, as FOX and Spike TV prove, it’s a fun-house mirror of distortions, but just because we don’t like what’s reflected isn’t the fault of the mirror.

    If it’s any consolation, the last candidate who tried to run on this plank was Dan Quayle.

  6. I’d like to see us clean up the water in which our kids are swimming.

    I’d like to see us clean up the actual water in which our kids are swimming!

  7. “that the boys who did the shooting had inhaled too deeply in the oceans in which they swam.”

    What, you mean like drowning? Careful how mix your metaphors there, dude. Also, thanks for screwing over my alma mater before you left Mass. That was awesome.

  8. NameChanged

    I’d like to keep porn on the computers of children. I’d like to give our children drugs. I’d like an army of Dylans and Erics. I’d like to corrupt the youth of today for a more fucked up tomorrow.

    I’m (insert democratic opponent’s name) and I approved this message.

  9. Arkades

    I’d like to have fewer sanctimonious scolding assholes promising to interfere with other people’s live if given the opportunity.

    I’d also like a government run by people who actually concern themselves with actual, practical problems that government is equipped to solve instead of self-righteous crusaders who want to legislate morality because they seem to think that state power can be effectively and appropriately used to forcibly change the hearts and minds of the citizenry.

    I’d argue that such efforts are rarely effective and never appropriate, mainly because authoritarianism sucks, pure and simple, no matter how much you dress it up in patriotic or religious language. It’s inimical to freedom and self-expression and has no place in any free society.

  10. “…Peggy Noonan…”

    And we’re done here.

  11. Sophocles

    I meant Socrates. See what eleven years of college will do? Fuck you up, that’s what.

  12. At least he didn’t have to hire a make-up artist for this ad.

    I second Jeff’s motion about Noonan.

  13. oddjob

    Don’t you just love how he does nothing but press fundy hot buttons? Can anyone name for me anything he’s suggesting there that hasn’t been tried already – tried and knocked down by the courts as unenforceably unconstitutional?

    Romney – so fake he makes plastic look authentic!

  14. SAP

    Yep, I agree. Totally lost me after mentioning Peggy Noonan.

  15. Simon Jericho

    “And I’d like to be the king of all Londinium and wear a shiny hat.”

  16. L

    Ah, the typical last ditch bellow of a despirate Republican: “Won’t someone, anyone, PLEASE think of teh CHILDREN!!!!”

  17. He cannot be elected. If he blocks porn, What will I do at work? My job? This cannot be allowed

  18. “Won’t someone, anyone, PLEASE think of teh CHILDREN!!!!”

    gonzo says he’s got that one covered.

  19. merciless

    Well, that’s it. He’s against indolence and perversion, so I can’t possibly vote for him now (and I was thiiiiiis close)…

  20. bjalder26

    So from the comments can I assume that Democrats are pro-cesspool? Maybe this could be a new campaign topic; candidates could take pro or anti-cesspool stances.

  21. I am objectively pro-cesspool, and I’d like to be the first to welcome our bacterial overlords.

  22. Reba

    You know, the bullies who think they have to prove themselves by making fun of my kid – for whom being “normal” will never be possible – scare me a hell of a lot more than video games, sex on TV or the computer, or the fact that young adults have for millennia been compelled to play with each other’s parts. Not only does Mitt not talk about the bullying behavior that made these frustrated and lonely kids so angry that they snapped, he doesn’t even talk about the GUNS with which they killed people and how easy it was to get them.

    Nope, it was video games and porn, you betcha. You want to make the world safer for kids? Give every household a video game system and let the kids play whatever they want. Then make it incredibly difficult to get your hands on a gun. Let’s see how that works out.

  23. “You want to make the world safer for kids? Give every household a video game system and let the kids play whatever they want. Then make it incredibly difficult to get your hands on a gun. Let’s see how that works out.”

    Seriously. If we want “the ocean” to be a safer place for our children to “swim,” perhaps we should get all the damn guns out of it!!!!!!!

  24. Damn! I just remembered I’m in the middle of Teh Portly Dyke’s Angst-Loss Challenge. We just had a drive-by accidental shooting of a 13-year-old in our sleepy little town, so at least my action seems obvious. Tonight, I compose a letter to the editor in favor of gun control. That ought to go over real well in Redneckville, GA.

  25. evilchemistry

    I’d like to see less violence and sex on TV. Where are those good ole fashion values on which we used to rely? Mittens is a Family Guy!

    STFU, Mittens, fucking animal abuser.

    I wonder what Mittens record says about Teh Chiddren! I know he likes to take money from a Hotel chain that offers porn.

  26. STFU, Mittens, fucking animal abuser.

    Hey, come on! That showed his excellent management skills, all right?! Sheesh.

  27. evilchemistry

    Hey, wait a fucking minute. If the water is so fucked up why haven’t those anti-Communist magic dolphins sent by God taken care of this shit already? Nooners? Are you serious Mittens?

  28. “Who’s Peggy Noonan?”

    –99% of the voters of Iowa and New Hampshire

  29. Evelyn

    Hmm, let’s see, how about an ad that superficially looks like it’s about cleaning up the environment, but which is actually just against perversion and indolence? No more violence on tv, but all the guns you want in the real world? Pander to the anti-gays with “perversion” and the anti-immigrants by triggering an association with “indolence,” while promising a bunch of stuff that doesn’t mean a single thing in real world terms. Brilliant.

  30. Pingback: President or national nanny? « Greg Prince’s Blog

  31. bartkid

    Hey who is the kid in the ad?
    Is it the child from Chicago who died from his parent(s)not being able to afford $8 worth of dental care?

    America’s children have an ocean of problems beyond what’s available on Mitt’s iPod.

  32. sotnurkwaif

    I like the ocean and sappy music. He’s dedicated to solving America’s freshness problem.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s