The Onion has an important scientific study you really should read:
In a breakthrough study that contradicts decades of understanding about the nature of alligator–drunkard relations, Louisiana State University researchers have concluded that people’s drunkenness does not impair the ancient reptiles’ ability to inflict enormous physical harm.
“Our data strongly indicates that human intoxication does not transform an alligator into a docile creature that enjoys wrestling,” said professor Ryder McCrory, chair of the Wildlife Taunting Department of LSU’s prestigious Center For Bullying And Hazing Studies. “Despite its slow-witted demeanor and tendency to bask motionlessly in the hot sun, it’s a mistake to believe that an alligator will passively tolerate a half nelson, no matter how much Southern Comfort is fueling it.”
That’s a message the kids today need to hear.