I Shit You Not: Another Alleged Republican Sexxx Scandal

Flying H. Spaghetti Monster:

At least this one, North Carolina Rep. David Almond had the decency to resign almost as soon as word of his inappropriate behavior came out. The North Carolina House Republicans are trying to keep his transgression a secret, but they did force him to resign. An insurance agent, Almond was serving his second term in the House. Impeccable [Down With Tyranny] sources tell me he exposed himself in front of a female employee and chased her around the room yelling “Suck it, baby, suck it.” It is unclear whether or not there was physical contact. She filed a personnel complaint.

Almond resigned in a one-sentence letter to the State House Speaker, after having “concluded that it is in the best interest of my family and the constituents of my district to resign from the General Assembly.”

Suck it, baby, suck it. I feel catchphrase potential, Shakers.

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19 Comments

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19 responses to “I Shit You Not: Another Alleged Republican Sexxx Scandal

  1. larkohio

    So now, the Repugs morality is in question? Shocking, just shocking!

  2. For a second, I thought that was Donald Pleasance. Then I realized he’s kind of dead. But far be it from me to put anything past the Republicans.

  3. Shorter GOP to American People: “Suck it, baby! Suck it!!”

    I love that these clowns still get a pass as the “values” party.

  4. Suck it, baby, suck it.

    The perfect rejoinder to Get a load of her! (Sorry. I know it’s early, but my brain has been stuck in wordplay mode thanks to all these, ah, prominent Republicans.)

    It truly defies belief, doesn’t it? I’m waiting for the report about worried Georgetown neighbors taking a battery ram to some Republican congressman’s door after not seeing him for two days and rushing in to find him suspended from the ceiling by chains, trussed and bound with various leather straps and handcuffs, completely naked save a blindfold and an apple wedged in his mouth.

    What?

  5. Who knew that a line from a gay porno flick would become a campaign mantra?

  6. (er, battering ram. Not battery. Not battery. See what I mean about what they’ve done to my brain?!)

  7. NameChanged

    litbrit, you crazy, but I love it! 🙂

    What is with the repressed? Their explosions are way more entertaining than any of my actual experiences. Maybe I should repress a little, to become more adventurous.

  8. er, battering ram. Not battery. Not battery.

    Actually, it depends on what they’re using in the bedroom; “battery ram” might be just the thing.

  9. I’m going to have to switch parties and start getting in on all this action.

  10. merciless

    Mustang Bobby is right; I call mine Fernando.

  11. oddjob

    Just remember, it’s not the action per se, it’s the thrill of breaking the taboo. The taboo is the prerequisite, and if you don’t really buy into it, the rest just isn’t the same.

  12. Oh please…somewhere let there be pictures of Karl Rove buying a case of batteries…

  13. Oh please…somewhere let there be pictures of Karl Rove buying a case of batteries…

    They’ll say they’re for the Cheney-Bot, and, unfortunately, it’d be a perfectly plausible reason.

  14. Constant Comment

    She only filed a personnel complaint?

  15. metalsguy

    Suck it, baby! Suck it!! Words that could be engraved on the memory of the nation. Something on the level of “Let them eat cake” or “L’etat c’est moi.”

  16. You know, I’m starting to feel like all those children I’m told who are numbed by the violence on television and in videogames. I mean, another Republican is acting inappropriately in private while espousing the exact opposite ideals in public?
    Color me dozey.

  17. dandy

    meh. he was just doing what all us males want to do all the time.

  18. LOL @ Kevin W’s comment.

    And LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL into infinity @ Suck it, baby, suck it.

    🙂

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