Shorter Peggy Noonan: Americans need to speak a common language or my condescending superciliousness might not be as deeply appreciated by brown people as it should be.
Actual Peggy Noonan: “Suddenly in my sight there’s a young woman standing on a street grate. She is short, about 5 feet tall, and stocky, with a broad brown face. She is, I think, Latin American, maybe of Indian blood. … I wanted to say something–I don’t know what, find out where she was from, encourage her. I said hello, and she looked at me and I patted her arm and said, ‘Happy Fourth of July, my friend.’ She was startled and then shy, and she smiled and made a sound, and I realized: She doesn’t speak English. ‘God bless you,’ I said, because a little while in America and you know the word God just as 10 minutes in Mexico and you learn the word Dios. And we both smiled and nodded and I left. I went into Bloomingdale’s and wrote these words: ‘We must speak the same language so we can hearten each other’.”
Shorter Melissa McEwan: Hurl.
Actual Melissa McEwan: Huuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrllllllllll.
Lest any more immigrants have the profound misfortune of being rendered helpless by the haughty onslaught of the Noonanator in future, I’m going down to the southern border to hand out pamphlets with the Spanish-to-English translation of “Shove your sanctimony up your ass, White Devil Lady.” Who’s with me?
[H/T Angelos, who got it from Wonkette, where the comments thread is truly hilarious–though you’ve got to plow past some sexist and transphobic rubbish, by way of warning.]