Ten Simple Rules for Being a Complete Asshole

You may or may not know of radical cleric Doug Giles, who’s one of those “cool” ministers with an awesome, hip show where he gets down with the kids and really raps about the heavy stuff on the street. You know the type.

Giles is also a columnist at Townhall, and a complete jerk, and, unfortunately, a father. And he’s come up with ten commandments (his words, not mine) for dating his daughters.

Those without strong stomachs may not want to continue on.

Giles, of course, is a super-sensitive guy, well aware that his daughters are not his possessions, but women in their own right:

Not only do I have an opinion regarding wannabe suitors, I have 10 commandments for potential boyfriends. Yes, seeing that I’m still the Alpha dog of the Giles castle, that I still pay the bills, buy the SUVs, pay for College and secure their condos, then by God, I’m still makin’ the rules. I am Doug Almighty, got that Rico Suave?

Yes, Doug sure is with it. I mean, a reference to “Rico Suave?” That’s certainly going to be clear to all the kids these days. I wonder if he’ll reference Snoopy Dog Dog later?

Anyhow, Doug’s the Alpha Dog, and so he’s gonna pee on potential suitors, starting with rule one:

1. Thou shall understand that your presence doesn’t make me happy. Young squire, don’t expect me to be giggly when I meet you. As a matter of fact, you’re ruining my life right now. Therefore, don’t try to be cute with me. That stuff may work on my daughter or my wife, but it does not work with me.

“Ruining your life?” Doug, are you kidding me? My daughter’s four, how is it that I’m already emotionally more able to deal with her one day dating than you are with your girls? Jebus, what, you expected your daughters to live with you their whole lives? And if so, why?

As for “being cute” — I’ve been off the circuit for a while, but I was never “cute” or “giggly” with an S.O.’s father. Frankly, I’m a little disturbed that Doug thinks anyone will be.

Rule number two:

2. Thou had better have a life. My wife and I have worked our tails off providing a good life for our girls; therefore, you better have one, Spanky. Let me spell it out for you just in case you don’t get it. You must have something positive going on in that thing you call a life.

Additionally, you must be pursuing said noble goal at Mach2 with your hair on fire. If you’re a slacking, blame-shifting, visionless slug with genital warts who’s waiting for someone to carry them into greatness and who lives by the dictates of his ding dong, then you need to find a girl who doesn’t have a father like me.

Uh…I think no matter who you are you’re better off finding a girl without a father like you, Doug. But I can’t really address that right now. Frankly, what disturbs me here is how hung up on your daughter’s boyfriend’s penis you are. I mean, “genital warts?” “Liv[ing] by the dictates of his ding dong?” Doug? Are you trying to tell us something here?

Ah, but things get more insane:

3. Thou shall not touch my daughter, or I’ll tear your hands off and you’ll have to “whip the bishop” with a stub. Not only am I not cool with your being around me, I’m sure as heck not down with your touching my daughter. Therefore, when you’re in my space (and in my absence) you’d better treat my daughters with the utmost respect.

Do not under any circumstance hang all over my daughter, fondle my daughter or soul kiss my kid until you have a wedding ring on her finger, a joint checking account and MMA at Wachovia—or I will shove your Justin Timberlake backside off my 3rd floor balcony first chance I get, capisce?

All right, everyone, what’s missing from the last two paragraphs? If you said “Any indication that Doug has even considered that his daughter may want to hang all over/fondle/soul kiss her boyfriend,” give yourself a gold star.

Yes, in Doug’s world, women don’t initiate sex, men do. And if his daughters never have a boyfriend ask them for sex, they’ll never have sex, until marriage, at which point they can do all they want because God will bless their genitals. Or something.

Also, once again, Doug shows an unhealthy interest in his daughters’ boyfriends’ penises. Really, that’s a lot of thinking about penises. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

4. Thou shall look me in the eye, shake my hand like a man and turn off your cell phone. I don’t care how Snoop Dog acts and what you’ve seen on MTV or in the movies. If you come into my house mumbling, with your shades on and texting the entire time you’re around me, you’re probably going to be spending the next couple of days in ICU.

Told you he’d reference Snoop Dog!

I want eye contact. I want you to see my soul, son. I want to look you in the eye when I communicate things regarding my girls and their lives. So, take the shades off, Hollywood. In addition, if and when I extend my hand, grab it like you mean it. Where I come from, a limp hand shake = limp life, Twinkle Toes. Also, when you’re at my casa, your phone goes on vibrate. I’m sure you’ll like that.

Okay, can I just call time out and say that while I don’t think that all crazy Christian men are gay — really, I don’t, I would never insult homosexuals by suggesting Doug Giles is one of them — doesn’t it seem like they go to level eleven of homoeroticism immediately? I mean, Doug’s very concerned that his daughter’s boyfriends be really manly, have a good handshake, and not wear their sunglasses at night, so he can gaze deeply into their eyes and communicate with them. I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’.

5. Thou shall understand that you are a boy talking to a man.

No comment.

Here’s some 411 to meditate upon before you address me. I am at least twice your age. I used to be a drug user/dealer until God zapped me. I’ve been in many fights. I’ve shot at felons. I faced down too-many-to-count charging wild boar. I’ve spent years in Tae Kwon Do. I’ve traveled the planet, planted churches and started businesses. You, on the other hand, use Proactiv and drive a Ford Focus; therefore, you will call me “Mr. Giles” and my wife “Mrs. Giles” until we tell you any different.

I can frankly accept that you should address people as they ask to be addressed; I always started with Mr. and Mrs. for my S.O.’s parents, and I’d probably expect the same courtesy from anyone dating my daughter, because that’s simple courtesy. But if I was going to be a huge flaming cobag about demanding it, that would be far more out of line than anything a potential date for my daughter could ever come up with to call me would be. Doug Giles is a huge flaming cobag.

Also, don’t gush around me nor attempt to read me an entry from your journal. I’m not Oprah or one of your metrosexual buddies that you can share all of your inner fears and deepest needs with. I am a Neanderthal.

Translation: I sure hope you don’t have feelings. That way my daughter can be emotionally undervalued in her relationship with you until she breaks up with you.

6. Thou shall know that our family is old school. Do not even think about approaching me with liberal, hippy, agnostic, atheistic, anti-American or tree humping bull crap. I was raised by country-loving, God-fearing, hard-working, meat-eating, good ole’ Texan parents, and I have zero tolerance for what your long-toothed, rather mannish lesbian sociology teacher at Columbia U programmed you with—you dig?

You know, my ex-father-in-law was significantly more conservative than I was, and we’d argue politics, and he never held my dissent against me. He always enjoyed the argument, really, and would indeed press me to argue even when I didn’t really want to. I doubt my daughter will choose a John Birch Society type — given that she’s a four-year-old Unitarian vegetarian who criticizes me already for eating meat, I think the odds are much stronger that she’ll only date socialists — but if I had to pick a quality in a mate for my daughter, I’d much rather she find one that is willing to argue with me than one who won’t. The only danger is it might annoy my daughter.

7. Thou shall know that I like cool and expensive gifts and you shall provide unto me this bounty, if you’re smart. One great way to earn my favor is to buy it. Yes, you’d be shrewd to approach me like the three wise men did baby Jesus, namely with gold, frankincense and myrrh.

For example; I like high quality cigars (nothing below a 90), Johnnie Walker Blue Label, Chimay Grand Reserve, books on hunting Africa and old British double rifles. I also like original art work, R&B and classic rock compilations, collecting skulls, hunting and big game fishing trips, antique Christian and Classic books, custom choppers and early twentieth century African safari memorabilia.

Who knows . . . I might, might, ask you to join me for a nice cigar session with me and the boys if thou comest bearing such offerings.

At which point we see that Doug Giles was born a thousand years too late, and in the wrong country. Indeed, it’s clear that had he lived in feudal Europe, or perhaps China, he would happily trade his daughter to the son of the rich landowner down the road as long as he got three prize goats and a flagon of mead for her.

If any potential suitors for my daughter are Googling this in the year 2022, understand this well: if you ever choose to buy me something expensive over buying something nice for my daughter (or indeed, over saving your money), I’ll be furious with you. You do not need to kiss up to me.

8. Thou shall understand that if you’re dumb enough to tell me a dirty joke, I’m comfortable enough with kicking your butt. I’m not one of your thug buddies you can go down the gutter with. I want maturity when you are around my family.

Okay, I’ll give Doug this, but only because anyone dumb enough to tell their S.O.’s parents a dirty joke deserves what they get. At least if they do so before their S.O.’s parents share one.

9. Thou shall keep your word. If you say you’re going to do something, then I expect you to do it. You see, I’m looking for stability/reliability for my ladies, and keeping your word in the smallest matters tells me that you’re ahead of the pack and at least a consideration, in my mind, for our support.

You know, I’d agree with Doug on this, but the truth is, Doug, that it’s not you that your daughters’ dates needs to keep faith with — it’s your daughters.

10. Thou shall do these three things: 1) Look good. Do not come into my house with earrings, a grill, or over sized pants with your butt cleavage hanging out. 2) Read. If I have to talk to you, you had better know as much about as many things as possible. 3) Serve. I’m looking for a sacrificial dude who doesn’t mind getting his hands dirty in helping around the house, in our community, in our nation and with our wonderful world. If you, young man, obey all the words written here, then and only then will you have a chance with my babies. Now, go get me a beer.

Now that you’ve read all Doug’s rules, what’s missing?

Any sense that Doug’s girls are autonomous human beings, you say?  That’s right!  Yes, Doug talks quite a bit about “letting” boys have a chance with his daughters.  But what Doug doesn’t really seem to realize is that his daughters are the ones to determine what boys (or girls) have a chance with them.

I’m going to have all sorts of advice for my daughter when she’s old enough to date.  And she’ll take some of it and ignore most of it, because that’s what you do when you’re starting to date.  And no doubt she’ll date some boys (or girls) who I like, and some who I don’t like as much.  But what I think of them isn’t important.  It’s what she thinks of them that matters.

Doug Giles came up with ten rules for dating his daughters.  I may tinker between now and 2016, but I think I’m going to have two:

1. Treat my daughter well, like someone you actually care for.

2. Never force her to do anything she doesn’t want to do.

There are all sorts of things I hope for in a suitor for my daughter.  But what I hope for is irrelevant.  What Doug Giles hopes for is irrelevant, too; he just is too proud to admit it.

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62 Comments

Filed under 10_jeff_fecke

62 responses to “Ten Simple Rules for Being a Complete Asshole

  1. i think jesus is rolling his eyes over this guy.

  2. Arkades

    Shorter version:

    “If you expect to date one of my daughters, be prepared to become my utter, absolute bitch. Because I will own you, son. I will turn your life inside out and wear you like a suit because that’s how much an extension of me and my expectations I expect you to become. Your ass is mine. In a totally macho, hetero way, of course.”

  3. anangryoldbroad

    He really sounds like a jealous lover. I knew a girl in high school with a dad like this ass chapeau and he was molesting her. Not that Doug is that perverse,but he’s WAY overinvested in his daughters’ sexuality. It’s not healthy,and it will drive those girls into ANY relationship that takes them away from Daddy’s Rule.

    That could end up being a huge disaster.

  4. Arkades

    It’s not healthy,and it will drive those girls into ANY relationship that takes them away from Daddy’s Rule.

    Good point there, anangryoldbroad…

    The irony is that a lot of decent, sane, ordinary guys will flee at the first sign of Giles’ codependent douchebaggery, and the guys most likely to stick around and put up a fight are assholes themselves who will get a kick out of making the veins in Daddy’s forehead throb.

    The daughters, for their part, will very likely be drawn to Angry Bad Boys in that classic What-Daddy-Hates/What-Daddy-Actually-Is kind of way… that is, if they have an ounce of free will or rebelliousness left themselves and haven’t been completely Stepfordized.

    btw, excellent commentary, Jeff. (I was too busy seething with rage at having just read Giles’ article to say so in my earlier comment.)

  5. Melissa McEwan

    I’m sure as heck not down with your touching my daughter. Therefore, when you’re in my space (and in my absence) you’d better treat my daughters with the utmost respect. Do not under any circumstance hang all over my daughter, fondle my daughter or soul kiss my kid until you have a wedding ring on her finger.

    I’ve never seen the conservative male view of sexuality so perfectly summed up: It is disrespectful to lovingly touch a woman until you marry her, at which point it is her obligation to fuck you.

    Yeesh.

    You see, I’m looking for stability/reliability for my ladies

    WHO GIVES A SHIT WHAT YOU’RE LOOKING FOR? ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT THEY’RE LOOKING FOR!!!

    I couldn’t hate this guy more.

  6. What’s weird to me (well, one weird thing among many) is that he seems unclear as to whether he’s talking to a young teen-age suitor (boy/man, video games) or to an adult (teacher at Columbia U, hippy, metrosexual).

    Another weird thing is how this seems to be far less about the daughters and more about protecting Doug from having to deal with people different than _himself_ – it’s like he himself is afraid of catching the cooties from a talkative, affectionate, liberal, educated man. Beyond weird!

    Any odds on these girls/women never telling their father that they’re dating? Even though they are? And if they do, don’t you bet they’ll warn the boyfriend to pretend to be acceptable, then go back to doing just what they’ve always done when he’s not around?

    Also, it’s it strange that, aside from wanting his daughters to date solvent, ambitious young men (or boys? again, unclear) he has very little sense of what kind of _positive_ character traits they ought to have?

  7. Fucking yikes. Sounds like this guy is trying to find a substitute for a purity ball since he didn’t have any streamers and a bad DJ handy.

  8. Far be it from me to tell straight boys how to date girls, but if I ran into a father like this, I don’t think I’d be all that interested in pursuing any kind of relationship with her or her family. They sound way too screwed up to be worth hanging around with.

    And doesn’t this sound like a complete rip-off of Eight Simple Rules, the John Ritter sitcom that was based on a book called Eight Simple Rules for Dating My Teenaged Daughter?

    Not only is this preacherman a whack-job, he’s a plaigiarist.

  9. angryoldbroad has it right. This is all incestuous as shit. It goes like this:

    I want desperately to fuck my daughter and am restraining myself. Therefore I am enraged by the presence of any other male who may fuck her and I will release my suppressed rage by dominating him in a homoerotic and aggressive fashion, thereby getting sublimated sexual pleasure out of my rage.

    These fucking people make themselves CRAZIER with their crazy religion, and their children suffer.

  10. So…anybody got the phone numbers of this guy’s daughters? I’m betting they are just brimming with rebellion.

  11. Paul the Spud

    Giles is well-known for contstanly obsessing over cock. Honestly, I have never seen anyone so desperate to prove their own masculinity. I don’t like pointing the “doth protest too much” finger at these guys, but great googly moogly, the guy is so desperate to prove how hetero he is, he’s a cliche. Oh, and:

    Now, go get me a beer.

    Could easily be substituted with “Now, suck my cock.”

    Told you he’d reference Snoop Dog!

    That was hilarious.

  12. Constant Comment

    I am a Neanderthal.

    This one sentence is just about all you need to know.

  13. Paul the Spud

    Here’s some 411 to meditate upon before you address me.

    Like, groovy, Daddy-o!

  14. nightshift66

    OK, my oldest daughter is getting married this month, and my youngest one is 11. So when you say, “There are all sorts of things I hope for in a suitor for my daughter. But what I hope for is irrelevant. What Doug Giles hopes for is irrelevant, too; he just is too proud to admit it,” I completely empathize, though I think that is too hopeless. My own daughter is marrying a guy ‘a lot like me’ according to everyone else. (I don’t see it; he’s much goofier than I am.) Still, it pleases me to think that’s what she’d want in a man. I like to think it speaks well of me, but I think I’m just the least f’ed up of the supposed father-figures she has had. (Adopted her.)

    Giles is creating his own worst fear, I think. There is every chance that his daughters will go in the opposite direction he wants just to establish their own independence and freedom. Maybe I’m naive (HA!), but I read Giles as just another overprotective father who wants the best for his kids, but is going about it all wrong.

  15. What this says, above all of the other crap (and there is plenty that other people have had great comments on), is that this man doesn’t trust his daughters.

    He doesn’t trust their judgment, their intentions, their motivations, or their capacity for, oh, internalizing whatever values he has tried to teach them. He KNOWS he has probably failed to instill the proper attitude of subservience and fear in them. Running herd on their potential dates is the only way left to control their lives.

  16. JoshWatermanMN

    Thanks for posting this. A few months ago, this guy posted an anti-gay diatribe talking about how straight men are genetically predisposed to hating gays, and that gays just need to get over it. I completely forgot his name.

    The guy is obviously trying to be funny. What is it about conservative humor that centers around a)belittling others b)dominating others and c)using violent imagery and veiled threats?

  17. Paul the Spud

    Who knows . . . I might, might, ask you to join me for a nice cigar session with me and the boys if thou comest bearing such offerings.

    Wha…buh.. WHAAAA? How did I miss THAT gem in the first reading? Was I shaking my head so much over “buy me cool shit” that I missed THAT?

    If my date’s dad said he wanted me to have a “nice cigar session with him and the boys,” I’d be very careful about anything he offered me to drink.

  18. Paul the Spud

    The guy is obviously trying to be funny.

    I don’t think he is. Not one bit.

  19. What a major asshole. If his sphincter were any tighter he wouldn’t be able to walk.

  20. Jewel

    I am not making this up: when I was in my teens, my father used to (faux-jokingly) ‘present’ my sister and me to the sons of his co-religionist friends and say, basically, “Take your pick. Which one of my daughters do you want to marry?”

    Not surprisingly, I am now dating a guy who is everything my father hates (e.g., sane and not a member of my dad’s church and treats me like an actual human being in my own right). 😀

  21. Arkades

    If my date’s dad said he wanted me to have a “nice cigar session with him and the boys,” I’d be very careful about anything he offered me to drink.

    Be particularly wary if asked to go on a camping trip.

  22. Be particularly wary if asked to go on a camping trip.

    And if the guy says “Let’s go pitch a tent,” run for your life.

  23. mamajane

    Too many loose, angry, thoughts coming from reading this to from much of a coherent post right now. The best I can come up with is that this sounds more like “Ten Simple Rules For becoming My Bitch on the DL While Using My Daughters (who are nothing more than my God-given chattel)as Beards”.

    Yeah, I see major, explosive, raging rebellion coming from these poor girls.

  24. barrington womble

    Guy used the word “capisce.” Surest sign of an asshole, that.

    So, yup, he’s an asshole.

  25. Arkades

    this sounds more like “Ten Simple Rules For becoming My Bitch on the DL While Using My Daughters (who are nothing more than my God-given chattel)as Beards”.

    ROFL!

    That might actually be an entertaining premise for a dark comedy! (For someone’s actual life, not so much.)

  26. blusilva

    “I was raised by country-loving, God-fearing, hard-working, meat-eating, good ole’ Texan parents” and yet ” I used to be a drug user/dealer….”

    I see how well that whole authoritarian parenting schtick worked with YOUR parents, hardass.

    Hope your daughters turn out to be well-adjusted lesbians.

  27. Spokane Moderate

    [First-time commenter at this site]

    So, Doug Giles wants men to pay him for the privilege of spending time with his daughters, or, as he puts it, his “ladies”?

    I’ll paraphrase what I said over at Sadly, No!:

    There’s no reason to get too worked up over this. He’s up front about what he and his daughters are; now he’s just negotiating price.

  28. Jaclyn

    I had a hard time getting past “I still pay the bills, buy the SUVs, pay for College and secure their condos.” Dude, your little princesses need to (1) get fucking jobs, (2) drive practical cars, (3) get fucking jobs, (4) live on campus, and (5) GET FUCKING JOBS.

    nightshift66 – Congrats to you, your daughter, and her lucky husband-to-be!

  29. Paul the Spud

    “Hi, I’m Doug Giles. Did I mention I drive an SUV? My dick is HUGE! HUGE, I say!!!”

  30. Luckily, there’s a good chance that one of his daughters will be a lesbian. That outta be fun.

  31. I was reading along in horror until, “I faced down too-many-to-count charging wild boar.” Really? Wild boar? As a drug-dealer? Or is this some kind of lingo I’m just not cool enough to get? I’m enjoying my mental image of him fighting a drug-crazed wild boar now, but I’m not really sure that’s what he meant.

  32. Doctor Jay

    I have just one rule for dating my daughter; it’s really not that different from Jeff’s two.

    1. Make her happy. Keep her happy.

    See, I know what kinds of things make her happy. I know because I listen to her. About all kinds of stuff. Stuff that would make hair of macho tough guys curl. Frankly, they are scared to go to the “feeling place”. Big bunch of sissies.

    When she was little, on the advice of some reading we did, my wife and I started by teaching her the names of all the parts at bathtime. That was tough. But I told myself, and I keep telling myself, that I want her to be able AS A RESPONSIBLE ADULT to enjoy sex with the partner of her choice. But I don’t want to hear about it.

    I have tried to remain open to questions about sex and sexuality. Once I was driving her somewhere and she asked me, “Dad, what’s an orgasm?” She’ll never know how close we came to having a wreck. But I answered the question (after hyperventilating).

    I’m really not worried about her being exploited sexually. I know what kind of young men she finds attractive. I know how much she hates being condescended to or bossed around. I know that she will stand up for herself.

    I have a lot of sympathy for fathers who want to protect their daughters. That’s the job of parenting. Their your babies, and they are helpless, at least at first. But really, the job is to teach them to take care of themselves, because you ain’t always gonna be around.

  33. Jeff

    If there is a God in heaven, Dougie’s poor defenseless little daughters will one by one turn eighteen, find the one person in the world meant for each of them to love (male or female), leave the hellhole they grew up knowing as “home”, never look back, never have a single regret, live a long and happy lives, and never have to speak another word to the miserable and deranged fool who calls himself their father ever again.

  34. Dude, I have to start reading Townhall. This shit is blogging gold!

  35. CJ_in_VA

    One question comes to mind… how is he so sure his daughters are hetero?

    Just saying…

  36. oddjob

    Definitely not someone I’d qualify as Christian.

    Hayseed? Absolutely.

    Christian? Not this side of Hell!

  37. NameChanged

    Jeff–“…and never have to speak another word to the miserable and deranged fool who calls himself their father ever again.”

    That would be nice, Jeff, but I have my doubts. It seems to me that Dougie boy has indoctrinated his daughters not to “get a fucking job” and wait to be taken care of by a “worthy” man. He pays for the bullshit that keeps his daughters’ lives running, and I’ll bet that he has them scared shitless of being cut off. It will take many years for either one of the daughters to decide to be their own women (if they have suffered the brainwashing that I belive they have). It is most likely that they will marry a jackass like their own father before they realize how fucked up things were. Then they will probably feel so guilty about tha thought of divorce that they will just live in a state of misery for years.

    Sad, but likely. Keep hoping that in college (so long as it isn’t Bob Jones) they will get a bit of “liberal” education.

  38. Meowser

    So lemme get this straight (so to speak). If one of his daughters brought Jesus home — that tree-hugging, dirty, barefoot, liberal hippie — he’d spit in his Savior’s face and tell him to go get a buzz cut?

  39. oddjob

    And yes, I agree completely with AOB & Deborah. The unresolved rage issues he has regarding his own life are incredibly toxic!

  40. oddjob

    The women in his life are essentially nothing, except for how they interact with his unresolved masculinity issues.

  41. Pat B.

    Once again, proof that when Conservative Christians say, “Traditionally, historically, marriage is a contract between a man and a woman.” what they mean is that “Traditionally, historically, marriage is a contract between two men — her current owner and her prospective new owner.” This is a manual on how to win Giles over so that he will consent to transfer ownership of his daughter to you.

  42. Erin M

    Nothing to really add, except that this guy also has some major violence issues. Good grief.

  43. So lemme get this straight (so to speak). If one of his daughters brought Jesus home — that tree-hugging, dirty, barefoot, liberal hippie — he’d spit in his Savior’s face and tell him to go get a buzz cut?

    LAWL. I’ve always found that a bit funny. Especially the whole Jesus-being-a-Jew part.

    This is partly why I’m glad I didn’t start dating until I started going to college. Now I don’t have to worry about my parents, and frankly they don’t worry (much) about me.

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  45. I don’t have a strong stomach so I couldn’t read the whole post. But just the bit at the beginning: he’s come up with ten commandments … for dating his daughters.

    He’s dating his daughters? Wow. Isn’t that against the law? Or is this another one of those IOKIYAC things?

    :O

  46. Arkades

    He’s dating his daughters? Wow. Isn’t that against the law?

    Perhaps it’s just his Lot in life…?

  47. Doktor Wankenstein

    Alright, I stopped reading this brain-puke’s drivel at around Commandment Numba FIVE, and skipped past most of the comments, because I just HAD TO GET THIS OUT.

    (1) What. An. Asshole.

    (2) NOT making a good first impression, but doing an excellent impersonation of a dick.

    (3) Anyone who affects “thou shalts”, etc desearves to be cockpunched. Period.

    I have more to say on this, but I’m still at work, dammit.

  48. Jaclyn

    This damn jerk has bothered me all day. There’s so many bad angles to it. Daughters as property. Unapologetic violent rage. Major money hangups. Environmental asshattery. And yet people read his stuff. The world is definitively screwed.

  49. If I were a nice, kind, straight, Christian boy there’s no way I would want to spend any time around a man who seems like such an asshole.
    Except maybe to be charitable.
    But charity would not inspire me to date his daughter.

  50. oddjob

    BINGO, Jessica!!!!!!!!

  51. mdhatter

    Does the origina article include a photo of him chest thumping and flinging poo at a teenage boy?

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  53. The missing last word of the piece is “Bitch.”

    As in, “Now go get me a beer, bitch.”

  54. Again, pure projection.

  55. Brian

    I could barely read that, because all I was picturing when I was reading his quotes was every painfully white man in every black-man/white-man movie ever made, trying to come off as “dope” and “fresh” Eugh.

  56. Brian

    And as far as the actual content, all I would say to this guy is that if his single goal in life is to drive his children screaming from his house, it’ll work. Try to exert that much control over another human being and they’ll do anything to escape and never come back.

  57. your name here

    This is the most sanctimonious horseshit I’ve read in a long time. I suspect he’ll get away with this kind of behavior towards teenage boys because it’s intimidating and, if they want to date his daughters enough, they will kowtow to it. If you have to thump your chest at teenage boys to make you feel like a man, maybe you should give a little thought to what it is you really want. A “cigar” with the boys…?

    Also, don’t pimps take and keep the expensive gifts and money that men give to their women? Just sayin’.

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  61. Doktor Wankenstein

    “Good evening, sir,” said the 300-pound black belt champion, thrusting out his large muscular hand in greeting. “My name’s Spike, and I’m here to kick your ass into next week and take Missy out to dinner and a movie. I’ll have her back by morning, give or take, I promise.”

    If only.

  62. Pingback: BlogNetNews.com » Eschatonians » First Draft » July 2007

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