Dane Cook: I just don’t understand

Dane Cook hit it big after I left the U.S., so I take none of the blame of him getting popular. Seriously, what the fuck’s up with that?

So like, chicks, man, they’re like ham sandwiches. You know. Right? Huh? Hell Yeah. But she’s like “yiyiyiyiyiyiy” and I’m like “say whaaaa??” and she says “yiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi” and so, I’m like. …. right? right?? … I’m like, I gotta go, you’re a ham sandwich, and hold the yis.

There, I just wrote Dane Cook’s entire fucking act. Where’s my HBO special?

–WKW

Advertisements

27 Comments

Filed under 07_wolfrum

27 responses to “Dane Cook: I just don’t understand

  1. The number of people out there who think stand-up comedy means stand-up misogyny is just unbelievable. But seriously folks… Promoters who tell you they can’t book you that night because there’s already a woman on the bill, audience members who see a woman waiting to go on and loudly announce “it’s a chick next, lets go to the bar”, being introduced onstage as “the next act’s a woman but don’t worry…”, or (worse) “please welcome … er … you know i don’t know if it’s miss or mrs … well … you know i sure hope it’s miss”, morons coming up to you after a show saying (drunkenly) “you know what love – i used to really think right – that women weren’t funny – but you have like totally changed my mind”, people talking about “women’s humour” as though it were a specific type of humour or complaining about women doing period jokes and then going onstage themselves and doing nothing but knob jokes, and the number of jokes where the punchline is essentially rape “I was having anal sex with my girlfriend – then she woke up…”. Comedy and sexist drivel go hand in hand like Jacko and Bubbles. Meanwhile if you made a racist joke they would (quite rightly) throw you out in ten seconds.

    Still on the upside. There are some fucking brilliant female acts out there throwing the whole damn system right on it’s head and you can watch them instead of drivel like Dane Cook.

    I’m not the biggest expert on the US scene but Margaret Cho and Maria Bamford are the most exciting DVDs I’ve ordered lately. In the UK – Lucy Porter, Shazia Mirza, Debra-Jane Appleby, Liz Carr, Juliet Meyers, Ayesha Hazarika, Evie Anderson, Danielle Ward, Helen Keen, Rosie Wilby, Sarah Bennetto, Sarah Millican, Tanya Lee Davis, Zoe Lyons … oh and me!

  2. Em

    Except that Margaret Cho has of late revealed herself to be a disgusting self-IDed tranny chaser.

  3. It just isn’t the same without the visual of a skinny guy in a tank top flashing the audience his wet, hairy armpits.

  4. Bill, I’m surprised you don’t like Dane Cook, since he appears to be such a fine Jesustologist!

  5. Angelos

    I’ve had a crush on Maria Bamford for a long time… she’s so twisted.

    Sarah Silverman, Margaret Cho, Kathy Griffin…

    And Dane Cook sucks.

  6. Paul the Spud

    Except that Margaret Cho has of late revealed herself to be a disgusting self-IDed tranny chaser.

    Excuse me?

  7. I made it to 2:33 of that clip. Afonso just barfed something much more thought provoking and funny.

    I’ll have to bring this up at the next Atheist meeting, where 95 % of what we discuss is “How to respond if you sneeze and someone says God Bless You.”

    –WKW

  8. Melissa McEwan

    I’ll have to bring this up at the next Atheist meeting, where 95 % of what we discuss is “How to respond if you sneeze and someone says God Bless You.”

    My local Atheist meeting used to spend tons of time on that question, too, until I finally suggested, “Gesundheit.” Now we can busy ourselves with other important questions like “What To Do When Someone Exclaims ‘Oh My God!’ In Your Presence.”

    Btw, I know lots of comedians create scenarios out of whole cloth to launch into a riff, but few could be more obviously COMPLETELY FUCKING FAKE than an atheist who gets irate because some douchebag says “God bless you.”

  9. anangryoldbroad

    Ok,I might as well admit it. I don’t “get” Sarah Silverman. I’ve tried watching her,but I’ve never laughed at any of her stuff. The show she had on Comedy Central wasn’t funny. It’s like she’s only got one joke told a bunch of ways.

    I must be getting old. But yep,Dane Cook is pretty much a moron.

  10. eastsidekate

    Re: The Dane Cook vid:

    Where the hell was he playing, the Alamodome!?! And what’s with the creepy camera work? It kinda makes him look like Benny Hinn.

  11. Angelos

    Dane Cook reminds me of the tourist that speaks louder to the native who doesn’t speak English.

    It’s purely manufactured, bland, LCD comedy. The frenetic energy, the volume, and the gesticulation practically act like the “applause” sign they have at talk shows. He might as well have a laugh track.

  12. Watch Ike Barinholtz’s Dane Cook parody:

  13. This one is pretty funny, too.

  14. Here’s the one that accuses Cook of stealing jokes from Louis CK.

  15. Pingback: Try not to Upchuck at Shakesville

  16. After the release of his CD/DVD Retaliation, similarities were noticed between Cook’s work and material recorded on Louis C.K.’s 2001 album Live in Houston. The bits in question are Louis C.K.’s “Itchy Asshole,” “Guy On A Bike,” and “Naming Kids.” In 2005, Dane Cook performed and released three similar routines on Retaliation. These are “Itchy Asshole,” “Struck By A Vehicle,” and “My Son Optimus Prime,” respectively. Cook has not denied any plagiarism

    You know what’s sad? When you plagiarize a bit and can’t even be bothered to change the fucking title of the bit.

  17. I think Dane Cook hit the apex of his funny when he was Waffle Man in Mystery Men. It had the benefit of being mercifully short, which made up for its not being very funny, and it paled in comparison to the rest of the film.

  18. MAJeff

    who is dane cook?

  19. katecontinued

    Having a wonderful time with 6 hours of Eddie Izzard on BBC today. Now that is comedy. I don’t care if I have seen it all before.

    This Dana is worthy to carry Eddie’s mascara.

  20. Jess

    On the female comic front, please, please don’t forget those comedic matriarchs Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders (who was recently interviewed in BUST and actually said she was a feminist, god bless ‘er).

  21. My favorite new female comic is Jill Twiss. She’s HIGH-larious.

    http://jilltwiss.blogspot.com/

  22. I wish I could remember who it was — a fellow comic, I think — but someone raked Dane Cook over the coals because he’d become a popular comedian even though he has no jokes. None. He never tells any.

    Stand up is an art form that opens up an area in which the comedian can say what otherwise might not get said. That’s why it’s valuable. But the opportunity to speak outside the normal strictures of “polite society” doesn’t mean license to act like an asshole. Especially when you’re not funny.

  23. Melissa McEwan

    Stand up is an art form that opens up an area in which the comedian can say what otherwise might not get said.

    Totally. Which is why I always say that misogyny, fag jokes, racist “humor,” etc. couldn’t be more hacktacular. Why would I pay to hear someone say what I can hear people say to my face every day for free?

  24. ds

    Bill, I’m surprised you don’t like Dane Cook, since he appears to be such a fine Jesustologist!

    I managed to watch this clip up to where he says “and I never go gesundheit. I don’t know who even says that. If I say gesundheit, I feel like I’m honouring Hitler.” Geee-nius.

  25. Pingback: Dane Cook « Circle of Fifths

  26. Pingback: NBC Buys Courteney Cox-David Arquette Pilot | MotorSport News

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s