Keepin it 4reel!

I absolutely LOVE stories like this. Forget Suri, Pilot Inspektor, Apple, or other kooky celebrity baby names – a New Zealand couple wanted to name their son “4real” after seeing an ultrasound and being struck by the reality of situation. Heavy, dude! They were totally pwn3d by the NZ Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriage, though, because numerals are not allowed in names. Aw come on, they’re just trying to keep it real! Don’t be hatin’! The Registrar-General has agreed to review their case, but if they cannot get their first choice, they’re going to settle for “real.” A lower case name? How k.d. lang! This reminds me of a story of a couple Melissa told me about who had twins and named one “Dude Gnarly” and the other “Gnarly Dude.” I think one was a girl, too. Brilliance, I tell you!

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27 Comments

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27 responses to “Keepin it 4reel!

  1. Melissa McEwan

    They were totally pwn3d by the NZ Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriage, though, because numerals are not allowed in names. Aw come on, they’re just trying to keep it real! Don’t be hatin’!

    LMAO!!!

    This reminds me of a story of a couple Melissa told me about who had twins and named one “Dude Gnarly” and the other “Gnarly Dude.” I think one was a girl, too.

    First of all, they misspelled “gnarly” as “narley,” so the names were actually Dude Narley and Narley Dude. Sad, but true.

    Secondly, one of them was a girl, and it was the one whom they christened with the first name “Dude.” Also sad, but true.

  2. Todd

    It’s all good, boo. I call you Dude all the time. Except I spell it “Dood.” Fo shizzle.

  3. . . .

    I got nothin’.

  4. anangryoldbroad

    Way to make your kid hate you before the kid even hits the teen years.
    (speaking from my current experience with a certain 13 yr old son of mine who shall remain nameless,who just found out you don’t treat Mom like shit and then expect her to like,go all out for you)

    Honest to god,that’s just mean. Kids have to go thru enough crap just growing up and going to school as it is.

  5. Yuri K.

    Is that really true, (Gnarley Dude) or an urban legend? Let’s not forget Lemonjello and Orangello, both of whom seemed to have been in at least 500 preschool classes, beacuse that’s how many people have told me their cousin had them.

  6. Todd

    Right. To clarify, I’m being tongue in cheek here. I think people who name their kids stuff like this are idiots. Kids are horrible and have enough of a field day with “normal” names like Neil and Bob. These names are just asking to get your kids’ asses kicked.

  7. My wife and I were just talking about that. Brazil has lots ofnameslike that. The best example I can think of is a girl named “Madeinusa”

    The mother apparently saw it on the label of a product.

    –WKW

  8. Melissa McEwan

    I call you Dude all the time. Except I spell it “Dood.”

    I totally stole that from you, too. Because when you spell it “dood,” it’s gender neutral!

    Just like how “bitchez” with a z isn’t offensive!

    * Only applicable within the perimeters of Shakesville.

  9. Melissa McEwan

    Is that really true, (Gnarley Dude) or an urban legend?

    Really true. Todd and I also went to high school with a guy who proudly bragged to my girlfriend C and me about his new son, Pfrankie. “It’s like Frankie–except we spelled it with a pf, to be cool and unique, like phone.”

    C and I pointed out that phone was spelled with a ph, not a pf.

    He got this deer-in-the-headlights look on his face for a moment, then it slowly crumpled into a scowl. “FUCK!”

    Poor kid.

  10. Todd

    Don’t forget about that one teller you had at the bank named “Aquanetta.”

  11. Ahhhhhh! I come from the great region of funny names! I used to babysit for the Bowel kids – Jesse and Amanda. I went to school with the Boob sisters – Tanya and Chris; the name was appropriate on multiple levels. I also went to school with the Dummers (pronounced Doomer, but every screws up and pronouces it Dumber). My personal favorites, however, were the Bird family – Jay, Robin, and Melody.

    Of course, I could have been among them. If I had been male, I was going to be named Russell and nicknamed Rusty. Yep, I would have been Rusty Brown. Thank god/dess, I have a vagina.

  12. Hell, my name is a pretty normal Darryl but back in the 30’s and early 40’s that was enough and seeing as how we moved around a lot, (It was easier than paying rent.) I had to fight my way into the pecking order every time I had to change school. It was tough at the time, (As if being a half breed in a part of the country where you were ranked lower than blacks wasn’t enough.)but it did, in a way prepare me for later life.
    Don’t take no shit off nobody! And always make sure you get the first punch in.
    Prepared me for life on a tugboat any place in the fucking world it did and that was useful.

  13. He got this deer-in-the-headlights look on his face for a moment, then it slowly crumpled into a scowl. “FUCK!”

    What? Pfuck?! 😉

    But in all seriousness, people that do things like this to their children really shouldn’t be parents. I hope the Registrar-General upholds the decision, even if it still means the poor kid ends up with the name ‘real’ …

  14. Liss, surely the guy who named his kid Pfrank, when he realized his error, exclaimed “PFUCK!” Love your stories.

    I got no funny name stuff. Just my years of having people howl at me because of my last name. I tell ya, most people are not very creative.

  15. Melissa McEwan

    Don’t forget about that one teller you had at the bank named “Aquanetta.”

    That’s right! Not just a teller, but a personal banker or whatever they’re called these days–helped us set up our accounts when we moved back to the States. She was so awesome. Truly unfortunate name, though.

    Yep, I would have been Rusty Brown.

    I had a neighbor growing up called Rocky Stone. And Todd and I also went to high school with another guy (a year older than I) called Randy Hicks, who was routinely accused of being named after the circumstances of his conception.

  16. They were totally pwn3d

    * Only applicable within the perimeters of Shakesville.

    Hahaha!

    Well, then there’s Ima and Ura Hogg… or my dad knew a priest named Father Bruno Savage! I mean, your last name is already Savage, and you name your kid Bruno?

    I’m a fan of pairing a fairly normal name with a more unusual (but cool) middle name (or vice versa), since then the kid has a choice. My first name is very unusual (in this country), but it shortens to a fairly common nickname. I like it.

  17. my sister in law is a doctor. when she works her rotation in the maternity ward one of her responsibilities is to make sure parents spell their kids’ names right on the birth certificates.

  18. Melissa McEwan

    one of her responsibilities is to make sure parents spell their kids’ names right on the birth certificates

    Nice.

    I had an aunt, who’s now passed away, about whom I could literally write about a dozen posts, just telling all the awesome stories about her. She was completely nuts, and naturally I adored her. Anyway, she had a daughter named Marcina (whom she’d had before she married into the family), and my mom once remarked to my aunt that the name was unusual and asked from whence it had come. And my aunt replied: “I just love them little cherries.”

    Which may be a case of a child having reason to be glad her parents didn’t spell her name right.

  19. Time-Machine

    My dad used to work as an OB GYN (before it got too expensive) and once delivered a baby girl that the mother wanted to name…wait for it…

    Chlamydia

    As in the sexually transmitted disease.

    My dad refused to sign the birth certificate. So did the nurses. They were like “If you insist on this, you can go change her name later.” Because no matter how illegal it might have been, by dad just could not bring himself to do it.

    I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t have been able to sign it either.

    It still sits on the top of my list of Worst Names Ever.

  20. Time-Machine

    Because no matter how illegal it might have been, by dad just could not bring himself to do it.

    Actually, come to think of it, I’m not sure if it was illegal. Because doctors are allowed to refuse services they find unethical, (like abortion) so maybe signing a birth certificate with a really bad name falls under that category?

    I’ll have to look this up.

  21. Roy

    I’ve heard the Chlamydia story before, but usually as part of racist “Look how dumb those people are” stories.

    I only know two people with particularly unforunate names. One was a kid I went to high school with- Jack Daniels. To be fair, he liked the name. The other was a guy a friend of mine roomed with in college. First name Richard. Last name Johnson. I can only imagine the torment he went through growing up.

  22. Nerka

    Oooohhh, the worst (best?) name I ever personally came across was a former client whose name was Randy Skanks. Seriously.
    I can only pray he never moves to Britain…

  23. katecontinued

    I new a couple 30 years ago who planned on naming their kids Hamburger Patty and Absorbine Jr. They got divorced before any child was conceived – thank goodness.

  24. KarateMonkey

    At my first internship, the guy in charge of introducing everybody to the computer system was named Ozark!. The exclamation point isn’t there because I felt like adding emphasis. His name was actually spelled O-Z-A-R-K-!. He was a neat guy, and after a little while talking to him you’d start to think, “Yep, this is a guy who can walk around with an exclamation point in his name.” I’ve often wondered since then if it was just a happy coincedence, or if he’d been named Bob would he have grown up boring.

    I remember reading a story a few years back about a guy who name one of his sons Winner and apparently liked the naming scheme so much that when his next son came along he named him Loser. Cut to the future, and Winner is behind bars while Loser who goes by Lou is a decorated cop.

  25. Niles

    Just as an aside. Real is a real name. It’s also spelled Rheal in some versions. Now, sometimes it’s also pronounced Ree-ahl, but I’ve heard it Reel too. Not so wild, just a bit off the main Anglo track.

    But as a friend likes to quote, “there’s been a lot of raw work pulled at the baptismal font”. David Bowie’s boy from his first marriage changed his name from Zowie to Joey first chance he had. But I believe Frank Zappa’s kids have always been unafraid to claim theirs.

  26. Jewel

    I know this is way late and no one will probably read it, but I have to add my name stories…

    I knew a Br3dgit in college (unsure of the exact spelling, but I know it had a 3 in it).

    My mom had a friend whose baby girl’s name was pronounced ‘Feh-MAH-lay’ because that’s what it said on the hospital ID: “female”.

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