Come to Israel, Where the Soldiers are Hot, and the Nights are Hotter…

I’m not really sure what even to make of this:

Check out this teaser for the upcoming issue of Maxim: “They’re drop-dead gorgeous and can take apart an Uzi in seconds.” Oh yes, the big guns were brought out for the cover of the July issue: We’re talking former Israeli soldiers … in bikinis. It gets better yet: The spread was arranged as a public relations effort by Israel’s New York consulate after research revealed that the country is largely irrelevant to most young American men. David Dorfman, a consulate media adviser, told the Associated Press: “Males that age have no feeling toward Israel one way or another, and we view that as a problem, so we came up with an idea that would be appealing to them.” Cue the breasts!

It’s sort of a perfect storm of neocon dreams: hot Israeli soldier girls using their feminine wiles to attract a whole generation of jaded American men to Israel’s corner of the fertile crescent.  Indeed, one can almost imagine Charles Johnson, Glenn Reynolds, and Roger L. Simon reading the new issue of Maxim in adjoining men’s room stalls, all silent except for the occasional breathy “Heh!  Indeed!” from Insty.

But while neocons are undoubtedly already queuing up for the opportunity to see hot Israeli soldier-on-soldier action, actual Israeli politicians aren’t quite as sanguine:

Lawmaker Colette Avital, a former Israeli consul general in New York, called for the House to debate “the pornographic campaign to encourage tourism to Israel, sponsored by the Tourism and Foreign Affairs ministries.” (The minister of tourism denies sponsorship.) In case you’re unclear what Avital is getting at, she reiterated that it was an attempt to develop “a sex tourism industry.”

Whether or not Israel is hoping to become a hot destination for the Bangkok set remains to be seen, but there’s no question that this is a part of the offensive by Israeli and American Israelophiles alike to get us back and on the side of the plucky nation, beset on all sides by the mean and nasty Muslims.  And if they have to use sex to do it, then they’ll do it.

I consider myself a friend of Israel, one who thinks sometimes, like a self-destructive friend, Israel needs to be sat down for a stern talking to.  But guess what?  While I think a woman who can kill me seventeen different ways is indeed attractive, there are women possessed of those skills all over the world.  And Israel, a nation that faces more problems than I can address in less than a treatise, has more important things to do with their soldiers than get them pictorial spreads.

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11 Comments

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11 responses to “Come to Israel, Where the Soldiers are Hot, and the Nights are Hotter…

  1. Anne

    I consider myself a friend of Israel, one who thinks sometimes, like a self-destructive friend, Israel needs to be sat down for a stern talking to.

    LOL, what a perfect way to put it!!!

    Also, I love how Israel is all up in arms about the fact that young American men don’t think they’re important…Clearly this campaign won’t exactly make them popular with American women, but that certainly isn’t stopping them. Because you know, it’s all about teh mens and what they think! Teh stupid women’s opinions don’t matter at all!

    Okay, I hope this all made sense. It’s late and I got mugged in downtown Minneapolis about four hours ago — I blame Pawlenty and his policy of not funding anything, ever. Including law enforcement.

    Oh, and back on the topic of the soldiers’ boobies, is there any place where we can write to the Israeli government to tell them off for this? (Well, to tell off the ones who support it or don’t care, at least.)

  2. Time-Machine

    Check out this teaser for the upcoming issue of Maxim: “They’re drop-dead gorgeous and can take apart an Uzi in seconds.” Oh yes, the big guns were brought out for the cover of the July issue: We’re talking former Israeli soldiers … in bikinis.

    An example of the sexist culture in which I have grown-up – When I read “Israeli soldiers” I immediately associated “soldiers” with “men”, so that when I read in “in bikinis” my first thought was “teh ghey soldiers?”

    And so I was trying to figure out how using crossdressing men was supposed to be appealing to the typical American male, or if they were trying to appeal specifically to gay men or what, and then I figured it out.

    I was a little disappointed. Teh Ghey photos procured a much more entertaining image in my head then just some more women in bikinis. We already see that all the time.

    (NOTE: I am not confusing crossdressing with being gay. I realise the two do not necessarily go hand in hand in any way. I was just thinking that if a magazine is going to print photos of men in bikinis, Teh Ghey is probably the demographic they’re looking at, whether justifiable so or not)

  3. stekatz

    Oh, puhleez Maxim. Guns And Ammo had that story ages ago!

    I’m going to bet the gun nuts will be the first to criticize the article pointing out that the Israeli army does not actually use Uzi’s.

  4. bernarda

    Maxim doesn’t seem to care about more than a million cluster bomblettes that Israel dropped on Lebanon. I guess that maiming and killing children is not sexy for them.

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  6. Arkades

    It’s sort of a perfect storm of neocon dreams: hot Israeli soldier girls using their feminine wiles to attract a whole generation of jaded American men to Israel’s corner of the fertile crescent.

    *Almost* the perfect storm… to *really* warm those shriveled hearts, you’d have to throw in some religious nuts persecuting Teh Gays, too.

    Oh, never mind. Looks like that’s covered, too.

  7. The whole thing strikes me more as a somewhat misguided and sexist PR attempt than some sort of neocon plot, frankly.

  8. NonyNony

    Anne –

    Also, I love how Israel is all up in arms about the fact that young American men don’t think they’re important…Clearly this campaign won’t exactly make them popular with American women, but that certainly isn’t stopping them.

    I think it’s at least somewhat a reflection on the attitude towards American men. We think with our genitals, you see, and so it’s fairly easy to manipulate us. You just show us some HAWT WIMMIN with DA BOOBZ and we’re completely wrapped around your fingers and will vote to enact your foreign policy initiatives, regardless of how destructive they may be for our own country.

    American women clearly need a more subtle approach. While one might think that showing hot oiled nearly-naked male soldiers in a pictoral would get the American women vote too, it would more likely just bring in the American gay men vote (because, you see, all American men think with their genitals, regardless of our various orientations), since American women are not trained from an early age to let their genitals do their thinking for them (or at least, not allowed to let their genitals do their thinking for them as American boys often are “boys will be boys” and all that). They’ll just have to find some other way to convince you women folk that you need to support Israel – perhaps with the babies. Everyone knows that American women are completely susceptible to the wiles of a cute baby…

    (Seriously, the contempt that this campaign shows towards men is disgusting. Sadly, though, it’s probably accurate.)

  9. SAP

    Indeed, one can almost imagine Charles Johnson, Glenn Reynolds, and Roger L. Simon reading the new issue of Maxim in adjoining men’s room stalls, all silent except for the occasional breathy “Heh! Indeed!” from Insty.

    And thank you for placing that image in my head. Eeewwwwwww. 🙂

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