Dear Chris Matthews: I still hate you. Love, Liss

Replenishing the juice in my deep reservoir of hatred for King Talking Head of Bullshittery today is his question: “Do Americans want to return to the Hillary model of first lady, or do they like the Laura Bush model?”

Answer: Go fuck yourself.

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20 Comments

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20 responses to “Dear Chris Matthews: I still hate you. Love, Liss

  1. Chromosome Crawl

    GAR!

    Teh Stupid – it still burns!
    This is something from The Onion, right? I mean a Stepford phenoBarbie Doll compared to someone who can walk & chew gum at the same time (among other things, in spite of her SHILLary aspects)- GAR!

  2. And it completely ignores the fact that the next “First Lady” could very easily be a former President. I know Tweety hates Hillary Clinton, but you’d think he could acknowledge that she is, for all her faults, the leading candidate for the Democratic nomination and by extension, the Presidency in 2009.

  3. Jeff

    Actually, I prefer the Laura Bush Model 1.2. Model 1.0 had that freaky stare, and didn’t seem to have a human blink, and there was that unfortunate spontanious cumbustion incident with version 1.1, but the current model seems to have been reprogramed to mimic human behavior better, though it still freezes and requires a reboot when it is asked to respond to quiries on topics more complicated than it’s “cooking and cleaning” database can search. Engineers are working on a software patch to resolve that issue, among others.

    When you think about it, it’s amazing what the Stepford Institute can do today.

  4. Arkades

    The stupidest part is that Hillary isn’t campaigning to be First Lady, and Laura Bush’s remaining tenure as such is limited.

    In other words, the question has about as much substance as ‘Ginger or Mary Ann?’.

  5. Arkades, I don’t think it has even that much substance. I think it’s more along the lines of “is a unicycle furniture?” (Forgive me, Jon Stewart.)

  6. Ellie

    ahhHAHAHAHA! Model?!? Good grief, what a pathetic locker room suck up. Here’s hoping this uninterrupted hit streak of indefensible insights will someday keep him up nights, blushing hotly with retroactive shame. (If he tries to forget, I’m sure that I or some other vindictive harpie will fill in every last blank of his part in enabling this historical low point.)

    Oh, and Jeff at 11:40: This model of Laura always freaks me the fuck out.

  7. Bruce willingworth

    Did Liss say “go fuck yourself”” My, my such language from such a lady!

  8. Gee, there’s all kinds of stupid around today. Something for everybody, really.

    Thanks for sharing the hate.

  9. Kate217

    Why didn’t he just come out and say “We’re not ready for a woman president?” That’s what his question implies, because only a male president would result in our having a “first lady.”

    That said, I’d probably espouse the Eleanor Roosevelt model, myself.

  10. Tricia(now there's more than one)

    I’ll second the vote for Eleanor.

  11. JoAsakura

    Oh, and Jeff at 11:40: This model of Laura always freaks me the fuck out.

    AUGH! The eyes.. they follow you!!!!!!!

  12. If I ever manage to upgrade my hardware and software before the ’08 election, I’m going to take the Weather Girls’ video of “It’s Raining Men” and edit in the most repulsive man-love remarks about Fred and Rudy and Mitt and John from Matthews and his Beltway pals. (And if anyone else wants to beat me to that, you’ll have my undying gratitude.)

  13. Ivory Bill Woodpecker

    Arkades–Mary Ann. They’re both gorgeous, but I think Ginger would be too high-maintenance. 😉

    Liss–Why single out Tweety? ALL members of the right-wing punditocracy should go fuck themselves, with the nearest available cacti, at their earliest conveniences. Selah. 😛

  14. Constant Comment

    According to Ted Casablanca at E!, Laura is still living outside of the White House at a nearby hotel. So, I guess the Stepford gaze is fake, or is that an oxymoron?

  15. oddjob

    If she is indeed de facto separated, why would she have anything but a Stepford gaze as she went about her unofficial, but unavoidable duties as the “devoted wife” of a man she can’t even stand to sleep in the same building with?

  16. Arkades

    Arkades–Mary Ann. They’re both gorgeous, but I think Ginger would be too high-maintenance.

    Oh, I totally agree. I totally thought MaryAnn would be fun to hang out with, whereas Ginger just seemed cold and aloof.

    But I still can’t figure out they expect us to adore LauraBot 2000.

  17. Madam Dufarge

    This morning on NPR the actress who portrays Nancy Drew was asked what she wanted to be when she grew up. She said first lady.

    O, and when Tweety introduced Sey Hersch they flashed a cover of New York magazine.

    yes teh stupid burns very hot.

  18. jon

    This is not directed personally at Madame Dufarge, but at everyone on all sides of the aisle, I know there is only one side that is on here in any numbers, but the same goes for the right.

    Teh stupid is very hot. Especially Sey Hersch. Unless you’re trying to be ironick. Or forgot to spell check. Maybe he just has a stupid PA. Or maybe someone just made a mother-fucking god-damn mistake. Oh and Matthews gets accused of being a left wing nutbag by many on the right. I wonder how it is possible for someone to be both a right-wing neanderthal and left wing kook at the same time. Or maybe he is just trying his best to be objective and point out the positive and negative of both sides. You know like a journalist.

    I do love how everyone who doesn’t agree with everything one believes in is automatically right wing or left wing in this country. This is the fucking problem with politics. Even more than the stupid image issues or the horse race shit starting 18 months before the general election.
    If people can’t disagree on a few issues and still be a member in good standing of a party, where the hell are most Americans going to wind up. Oh that’s right it is only the “party loyalists” on both sides that matter. Dennis Kucinich used to have a very principled intellectually consitent view on life. No abortion, no war, no death penalty. As soon as he decided to run for President in ’04 he was forced to change his life long views to be accepted as a person who could vie for the fringes of the Democratic party.
    The same goes for the Republicans. Dick Cheney, a man that I can’t stand, the Vice-President of the United States, and one of the most important conservative politicians in this country can barely mention his daughters name. Let alone support her right to marry the person of her choice. Not only that, he has to stand in the same room as people who wish her and all like her dead, and not say a damn word about it.

  19. Madam Dufarge

    Certainly one can be excused for a lack of familiarity with the meme cats (oh hi I’m from the internet). But a producer on a news show that doesn’t know the difference between New York magazine (a go-to rag for brothel addresses and movie show times) and the NEW YORKER really is inexcusable. It wasn’t mispoken, the cover of New York flashed before Sey Hersch was introduced.

    get a grip.

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