Hello, Cleveland!

Steve at No More Mister Nice Blog (which you are reading regularly, yes?) has a great piece on Mike Fair, a senator recently hired by McCain “as a $7,000-a-month consultant to head the South Carolina chapter of his religious mobilization effort, Americans of Faith for McCain….”

I’m sure it will come as no surprise to you that Fair is completely obsessed with sex, especially of TEH GAY variety, and would basically like to staple everyone’s genitals closed. He’s also into “curing” gays, arresting gays, anti-evolution, and anti-choice, on a pretty shrill level. This loon is definitely one to keep an eye on.

In other news, I have the brain of a twelve-year-old, and I couldn’t stop laughing at this:

He is best known for the stacks of bills he has introduced that deal with sex. A recent bill called for jail time and fines for men caught in public with “discernibly turgid penises.” Fair has sponsored many bills that advocate treating homosexuality as a crime.

I so want to start a band called “The Discernibly Turgid Penises!”

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40 Comments

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40 responses to “Hello, Cleveland!

  1. SAP

    I so want to start a band called “The Discernibly Turgid Penises!”

    Actually, I was in a band called Discernibly Turgid Penises for about a week. We were a cover band for Motley Crue.

    Didn’t take: Milo wanted to do more bluesy stuff, and Eli wanted to go all emo.

    We broke up and I went to a new band called Dirty Chawnes. I really liked that band.

    Oh, yeah, and this Fair guy? He really needs help.

  2. Brynn

    OMG! If I could sing, I’d want to front for your band!!!

  3. Wilson46201

    Do you know where I could apply for a job as an Inspector searching for those discernibly turgid penises? It doesn’t sound like it’d be too hard!

  4. I’d like to point out that a couple year’s back, I was the Nerve.com “Bad Erotica” champion. And I achieved that by the cunning use of the word “Turgid.”

    –WKW

  5. LOL! And well you should have been; “turgid” is such a great word.

    The whole thing is just so ridiculous. Come on Fair, admit it. You just want to be able to stare openly at that forbidden, delicious, heart-flutteringly hawt turgid cock.

  6. Wilson46201

    I have always found “tumescent” to be interesting myself…

  7. Melissa McEwan

    I so want to start a band called “The Discernibly Turgid Penises!”

    Would that be a hard rock band, by any chance?

  8. Melissa McEwan

    Btw, I literally said in an email to Tart just yesterday, “I want to start a band called Crooked Pussy.”

    It was after she sent me this picture:

  9. nightshift66

    What a pic! Did they glue the cat’s paws to the curb???

    JOKING, joking. Please stop aiming the staple gun at my naughty bits now…

  10. car

    It doesn’t sound like it’d be too hard!

    Isn’t the whole point for it to be hard?

    [ducks, runs away]

  11. Angelos

    Ba-dum-pum.

  12. I want to see this bill passed and then I will come home and apply for the job of Supervising Federal Pecker Checker. It’ll be hard but someone has to do it.

  13. Do you know where I could apply for a job as an Inspector searching for those discernibly turgid penises? It doesn’t sound like it’d be too hard!

    And we have a wiener! Er, winner.

  14. oddjob

    A recent bill called for jail time and fines for men caught in public with “discernibly turgid penises.”

    ????

    Was he never eighteen – when it has a life of its own and responds to things like sitting in a seat, or yawning???

  15. Nik E Poo

    … a $7,000-a-month consultant …

    Jesus “tap dancin” Christ that’s a cheap consultant. WTF do you get for $7,000? Seems McCain is McCheapBastard.

  16. Would that be a hard rock band, by any chance?

    I think we’d specialize in cock rock.

  17. isabelita

    Whaa, bombastic pricks?! Oh. A differnt definition of “turgid”. I guess tehy meant swollen, but that doesn’t necessarily mean nice and firm.

  18. “The Discernibly Turgid Penises!” is a good band name. I was once in a band named (for a brief time) “Rampant Lethargy”. I always liked that name.

  19. Constant Comment

    Hello, Cleveland

    Just for the record, you can always get me to laugh at a “Spinal Tap” reference…:)

  20. A recent bill called for jail time and fines for men caught in public with “discernibly turgid penises.”

    God I hope this passes just so I can see an entrapment case move through the courts.

  21. JW

    If that bill passed, Comrade Fair would be too busy locking up junior high boys to do anything for McCain.

  22. j swift

    Noticeable Boner?

    Obvious Woody?

    Noticeably Erect Johnson

    Obviously Stiff Dick

    Noted Tent Pitching

  23. Not to be confused with the Discern Nibbly Turbid Penises!

  24. A recent bill called for jail time and fines for men caught in public with “discernibly turgid penises.” F

    Would there be a clause excepting the Secret Service agents responsible for Chaney?

  25. Someone really ought to send Fair the photo of Cheney with his discernibly turgid penis, just to watch his brain explode.

  26. What’s this Mr. Fair person going to do about the sale of Viagra, the purpose of which is to make a penis discernibly turgid?

    I would love to have a job where I could get paid for checking out guys’ baskets. I do enough of it for free…so how hard could it be?

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  36. “in the unlikely event of turgor lasting more than four hours…please turn yourself in, and save the police’s time.”

  37. revolutionary straightoid

    At my age , I just hope my penis is still discernible when turgid.

  38. Just for the record, you can always get me to laugh at a “Spinal Tap” reference…:)

    Not if you’ve ever had one that they fucked up. Takes quite a while to learn how to walk again.

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