Part wev in an ongoing series…’s new commercial.

Chicks with swords? Are you fucking kidding me? I can just imagine the brainstorming session on this one.

“All right, you advertising geniuses. What we need is a way to convey that you can find porn just as easy on as you can on Google—and real kinky shit, too! Like, chicks with dicks—but, ya know, something we can actually put on the air.”

“Boss, I’ve got it! Chicks with swords!”

“Chicks with swords, Sanders? That sounds totally lame.”

“No, check it out—it’s a euphemism for chicks with dicks, right? But Mom and Pop America will never clack onto that! Plus, we can dress up hot chicks like Lord of the Rings extras, I Dream of Jeannie, maybe throw in a sorta Xena-type for the lezbeens, and cast a sorta geeky guy so there’s plausible deniability; we’re not pushing porn—he’s just into swords and sandals fantasy shit. And if some feminazi totally busts us, we’ll just say she’s crazy! That always works.”

“Good job, Sanders! You deserve a promotion! Now where’s that girl who always complains about misogyny in our campaigns? I need a cup of coffee…”


Filed under 01_shakespeares_sister

32 responses to “Assvertising

  1. This begs for a counter-ad.

    The guy searches for Republicans with Ethics and responds with: “I got nuthin.”

  2. I wish you’d been with me the other night when I saw this ad for the first time.

    Tart: Whu…whu…bwa…but he’s just searching for porn! And the girls in panties…he’s gonna jerk off to them! How is this my business?

  3. Perhaps they’ll show a gay version on Logo. A woman searching for chicks with swords. Or a guy searching for dudes with lube.

    Or Melissa searching for Al Gore with… hmm, what would Al Gore have? Oh, yeah: The Oval Office.

    Or an ad schlump searching for a job after being fired for approving an ad that offends a high percentage of the viewers.

    Yes, the ad is stupid and offensive. That it even made the air is just sad. Slightly related, (in the “what the hell were they thinking” category) I read on this morning that Hallmark had produced a Father’s Day card that had an elaborate picnic scene on the front that read, “Dad, how would you feel about going on a picnic for Father’s Day?” and on the inside the message was, “Too queer? I thought so too.” I mean seriously, people! What the poop?!?

  4. It should be

  5. Well, that’s 30 seconds of my life I’ll never get back. This definitely belongs in the “what were they thinking?” category.

  6. shen

    i need a way to post a big huge blank space, because all i could do after watching that ad was stare and say nothing. even WTP doesn’t do it justice…..

  7. i wasn’t sure i had heard it right at first. then i thought,”nah, can’t be what i’m thinking it means.”

    then i shook my head.

    there i was thinking that i was dirty minded, nope( “well, yeah, sometimes!”)

    but them…!

  8. RayCeeYa

    Ahhhh, why is it you haven’t died yet? Nobody likes you, and you never worked right so just give it up.

  9. Gracious. I haven’t seen castration anxiety like that in a good long time.

  10. nightshift66

    Wow. I guess I am Mom & Pop America, ’cause none of that stuff occurred to me at all. My oldest daughter (and son) like artists like Royo, who does a lot of fantasy art stuff of… girls with swords. And unicorns, fairies, and other mythical stuff. THAT is literally all I thought of the ad, and I usually ‘catch’ entendres and such.

  11. Melissa McEwan

    Gracious. I haven’t seen castration anxiety like that in a good long time.


  12. Jay in Oregon

    And in another wonderful example of marketing gone awry, thier slogan seems to be:

    The Algorithm

    So their brand message is “it’s the search algorithm, bitchez”?

    I don’t remember the Google TV ads being that inane…

    …oh, wait…

    …that’s because they they didn’t advertise on TV! Instead of spending their money on idiotic ads, they spent their money on making a search engine that returned usable results.

    Which, y’know, is what I really want in a search engine.

  13. I never thought I would see a bris* turned into a production number.

    *For those of you not of the Hebrew faith, here’s the definition of the word.

  14. SAP

    Wow. I always knew that marketing folks were twisted, but damn.

  15. I would have been more amused if he would have found a picture of a fuzzy yellow baby chicken chasing someone around with a sword – or at least someone dressed that way… kinda like that Karate Chicken viral that made the rounds a couple of months ago.

    This was just pathetic. Their whole Algorithim campaign has been pathetic….

  16. Doktor Wankenstein

    I never thought I would see a bris* turned into a production number.

    I’m sure Mel Brooks can somehow work it into History of the World Part II

  17. DrNick

    There’s a flash in the ad of a stage-fighting scene that’s from the ‘babes with blades’ theatre company in Chicago, of which several friends are members.

    They were crowing about the inadvertent free publicity.

  18. Chicks with dicks? Not that there’s anything wrong with that….

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  20. I can’t get it to load! I can’t get it to load! Oh well, as long as it’s not the worst thing you blogged about today.

  21. stekatz

    Ahhhhhhhh. Life in the time of sex-positive feminism.

  22. Melissa McEwan

    Oh well, as long as it’s not the worst thing you blogged about today.

    LOL. Smartarse.

  23. Tricia

    I’m just glad I’m not the only one who boggled at that. ’cause damn.

    :::is boggled some more:::

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  25. Marc

    I thought it was cute. It was something I might actually use google for sometime.

    Won’t get me to use Ask. That shit don’t work.

    Does this make me a sexist asshole?

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  27. = ‘Nuff said.

  28. From: (ask (at)
    Your message to regarding Comments or suggestions — Key#
    Response (M.P.G.)
    Thank you for taking the time to write regarding our new ad campaign. Please know that it was not our intention to offend anyone. Your feedback is truly appreciated, and your comments have been brought to the attention of our marketing department for future consideration.

    We know that you have many different search options available and hope you will continue to use for your searching needs.

  29. Pingback: Re: New Commercial... | Slog | The Stranger's Blog | The Stranger | Seattle's Only Newspaper

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  31. I follow your blog for a long time and must tell that your articles are always valuable to readers.

  32. I must say the post’s here very interesing will check back regulary 🙂

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