Question of the Day

Pulling inspiration from this thread, who’s going to be cast to play you in Shakesville: The Movie?

Although I’ve already suggested Dawn French to play me, I’ll leave that up for discussion as well, with the caveat that if you’re going to use the exercise to make a fat joke, be more creative than casting “an elephant!” I don’t mind being insulted, but at least try to make it witty.

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132 Comments

Filed under 01_shakespeares_sister

132 responses to “Question of the Day

  1. SAP

    You know my answer already. I prefer this veteran Japanese character actor. Years of experience under his belt.

  2. I don’t consider Dawn French to be fat.

    🙂

    OK, moving on away from that topic….

    I think Larry David could play me. He’s got the “I’m totally innocent but I fucked it up again” thing down pretty good.

  3. Philip Seymour Hoffman.

    But he has to grow a beard and mustache.

  4. Dammit, QD. I was going to say PSH. He’s got my smile, and the face is close enough to be believable. *shakes fist*

    Well, I guess I’ll have to go with Sean Astin, with glasses, and he needs to gain a few around the face and belly.

  5. ECB

    Maggie Gyllenhaal, but she’ll have to put on twenty pounds.

  6. QD, you have a beard and a mustache? You are what Grammy Hall would call a real Quaker.

    😆 😆

  7. JoshWatermanMN

    Wil Wheaton. And since I am only an occasional poster, he would have a cameo that would be mostly edited down to a brief non-speaking part, just like in Star Trek: Nemesis.

  8. And JackGoff, I can see the resemblance immediately! How funny. Good one!

  9. As I said before (but without multiple linkitudiness), Dan Haggerty (Grizzly Adams) or Robbie Coltrane (as Hagrid). Or maybe Charlie Daniels (without the fiddle).

  10. SAP

    And Liss, when the trolls get CGI’d in, I would like a few of them to be large enough for me to fight with.

  11. Well, if I can request this, we’d need Richard Gere to travel back in time to his early 30’s.

  12. MR. Bill

    John Goodman…with hair and beard like “The Big Lebowski”.

  13. Winchell

    ROLEPLAYED BY
    Shakes – Roseanne Barr
    Spud – Pee Wee Herman
    Tart – Jennifer Grey if she strapped on a few pounds
    Misty – Gloria Estefan
    Kathy – Theodore Seville of Alvin and the Chipmunks
    Will K. Wolf – Your local dude at Home Depot
    Space Cowboy – The Rock
    Waveflux – Gary Coleman
    Litbrit – A brunette Ann Coulter
    Shamanic – Joan Baez
    Mr. Shakes – Daniel Stern
    Todd – Jim Carrey
    Brynn – Felicity Huffman or Patrick Swayze if he revived his role from To Wong Foo Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar
    Nightshift – Your pervy 8th grade science teacher

  14. Emilio Estevez.

    It will be a double roll ‘cuz he’ll have to play my twin brother, too.

    It will be like Sam/Serena or Jeannie/Jeannie’s Evil Sister Jeannie.

  15. Definitely Janeane Garofalo.

    With Kristin Chenoweth dubbed in as the singing voice (it’s a musical, right?)

    Oh, and Mary Lou Retton doing my stunts.

  16. (it’s a musical, right?)

    I was assuming so… 😀

  17. I think Shakesville: Teh Musical should be the Broadway smash follow-up to S:tM. (branding for maximum profits, and all that – residuals, Shakers!!)

  18. I think we should torture Liss by forcing her to take her “mosaic” which launched this new blog to the next level. We can all send in video clips and make her edit them into a movie.

  19. beatgrl

    Most actresses are too thin to remind me of myself.

    She doesn’t resemble me, but can I have Sarita Choudhury?

  20. MAJeff

    I would be played in an occassional cameo by Rupert Everett with a Minnesota accent.

    I’m not being arrogant, but in college people compared me to Rick Ocasick, Jeff Goldblum, and Robbie Benson. I want someone good looking for a change.

  21. I’m writing my lines right now… Oooo, fun!!

  22. Michael Caine, when he was in his 30s. Or possibly William Peterson, but Mustang Bobby and I would have to fight for that one.

  23. I think Shakesville: Teh Musical should be the Broadway smash follow-up to S:tM. (branding for maximum profits, and all that – residuals, Shakers!!)

    Good idea. We could pull a Hairspray: make a movie, make a musical version of the movie, then make a movie of the musical version. We’d make a killing!

    Except that I fuckin’ hate movie musicals.

  24. Samuel L. Jackson playing a young Sean Connery playing me.

    Backwards.

  25. And Liss, when the trolls get CGI’d in, I would like a few of them to be large enough for me to fight with.

    How about large enough to step on?

  26. Lissie Smash!

    Solo voice: When the trolls come out
    Chorus: Lissie smash!
    S: When they’re out and about
    C: Lissie smash!

    S: When the wingnuts sing their hateful song
    C: Lissie smash! Lissie smash!
    S: Cause we cannot tell the Right from wrong
    C: Lissie smash! Lissie smash!

    S: When Republicans start to rant and rave
    C: Lissie smash them to their graaaaave!
    C: Lissie smash – Lissie smash (repeat as fade to black)

  27. Spitting image, Fritz! 8^D

  28. Melissa McCarthy with blonde highlights? I’m nowhere near as cute as she is, but hey, it’s Hollywood. And she has to wear this the whole time.

  29. celticfeminist

    Since I’ve reverted back to lurking lately, I’d have to say my bit would be a cameo by Holly Marie Combs. If for no other reason than my partner insists she’s the only actor who could nail my “The hell?” reaction to 99% of the world.

    Not to mention, there are times I’d like to have her Charmed character’s (Piper) ability to blow shit up with a wave of my hands.

  30. mamajane

    Well, since I pretty much resemble a red-headed Liss, does Dawn French have a ginger-haired sister? Otherwise, if we could make Allyson Hannigan gain about 100lbs, we’ve got our mama.

    Of course, being just a minor Shaker, my role would most suitably be the either the anonymous wacky neighbor, or soccer mom #2 in the background at the Edwards for Pres rally.

  31. Grandjester

    Dan Aykroyd -10 years & 40lbs

  32. Boy George. I got called that all the time in junior high. Though, I would prefer David Duchovny- we have the same nose.

    and Dawn French is one sexy woman!
    When she plays Britney Va Va Voom!

  33. Do we have a Joanna Lumley character? We must! Actually she could play me if we aren’t concerned about stupid gender roles, which I ain’t.

  34. Oh No! My comment was eaten!

  35. It would be a trumpet-playing Christopher Walken for me.

    (OK, this is konagod relaying txrad’s request; he’s busy with the pizza)

  36. Well come on petulant, vomit it back up again. I do it all the time.

  37. Lurker-cameo by Rachel Weisz.

  38. I am a lazy fuck but here goes.

    It went Boy George to play me because of name calling in Jr High. Though perhaps David Duchovny because we have the same nose.

    also that DAWN French is Sexy! Especially when she impersonates Catherine Zeta Jones! Meow!

  39. Tilda Swinton, probably. And I can so see Dawn French as you. (Though you look exactly like a very dear friend. It’s eerie — my wife glanced over, saw the icon, and asked if you were her.)

    Mmm, Dawn French. She’s so awesome. I love that in The Vicar of Dibley there’s no noise about how she can’t possibly be sexy because she’s fat. The American remake would’ve been different. (Of course, I’m fair certain that a Church of England-themed comedy would translate very well. Maybe a UU church, but they’d have to leave out all the class stuff.)

  40. A long while back (many years) our ex-boss said txrad reminded him of Axl Rose. I just mentioned this to txrad and he said, “but I still have hair.”

    HA!

  41. Didn’t AXL have a shitload of plastic surgery or was that the guy from Poison?

  42. Robert Redford from Jeremiah Johnson, mostly for the red beard. And he’s gonna have to put on some weight in the gut area.

  43. David Duchovny has a nose? I’ve never noticed. I’ll have to look next time.

    Tilda Swinton! Moira, Oh my God! She is so indescribable. And scary thanks for her incredible versatility and talent.

    I lump her in with Jennifer Tilly in terms of … just plain scary.

  44. If we’re going for an actress that can capture the mysterious inner workings of my mind and translate that to film, I’d vote for Brooke Smith.

    If we’re going for someone who looks like me, I’ll go with a younger Imelda Staunton.

    If we’re going for fantasy casting, Kate Winslet.

  45. And he’s gonna have to put on some weight in the gut area.

    Well, you need to slow down with the beer blogging.

  46. Didn’t AXL have a shitload of plastic surgery or was that the guy from Poison?

    Does it really matter at this point? 😆

  47. Well, you need to slow down with the beer blogging.

    No, Redford needs to speed up on the beer blogging! Besides, I sadly haven’t done any beer blogging in quite a while. Goddamn thesis not finishing itself.

  48. I would hope Shakesville the Movie would be shot in Technicolor and call forth Busby Berkeley for an Esther Williams Water Spectacular. Dawn French can play Melissa as Bjork at the Olympic Games and we can all swim around her in a giant choreographed flower. Shot from overhead, of course.

  49. Redford should come out with a line of beers. That’s what I say.

    Organic and proceeds going to charity. I can drink and do good works at the same time.

  50. Tilda Swinton is lovely! Her performance in Jarman’s The Last of England was a masterpiece. Not many actresses in a tattered wedding dress can frolic on a decrepit beach with Diamanda Galas as the soundtrack.

  51. Betsy

    Wow. I have absolutely no idea. Off the top of my head, I can’t think of a single actress that looks like me! Aside: When I was in 9th grade, all the girls plus the teacher of the “computer skills” (i.e. typing) class I was in (it was the only thing that would fit into my schedule) decided that I looked like Jodie Foster. Either they were making fun of me (v. possible; I didn’t know anyone in that class and was painfully shy) or it was one of those all-white-girls-with-brown-hair-look-pretty-much-the-same things. I haven’t yet figured out which. But suffice to say, I look like Jodie Foster in the same way that Ann Coulter looks like Gwyneth Paltrow. They’re both blonde, but…

  52. This is getting raucous.

  53. JackGoff, are you drinking again?

    There is nothing raucous going on here. And Betsy, keep thinking, everybody looks like somebody, otherwise the acting profession would be in dire straits.

  54. Jack, are you listening to Blue Oyster Cult?

  55. *grins* Well, I took it as a compliment when I was told I looked like her. (Here, you can judge for yourselves.) That she’s an amazing actress is just bonus, and a reason to be glad she does small films as well as large. I’m blonde, though, not a redhead without professional help.

  56. Nope, just reminiscing about Christopher Walken.

  57. Moira- I wish more women wore corsets. I have a leather one around here somewhere but doubt I could squeeze my fat ass into it.

  58. Liss, this is one of the best qotd’s I’ve ever seen.. EVAH! I’ve had mental pictures of the people I know (OK, I’ve cheated and actually have seen some of your pictures) but even among the ones I haven’t seen, the correlation between the actors and the people who select them is quite astounding when compared with the mental images I’ve had.

    Your next assignment is to come up with a variation on this theme!

    🙂

  59. Mr. Bill, I now love you utterly. John Goodman is major crush territory for me.

    For me, I don’t feel like any of the woman-sized actresses are really like me. Bette Midler ten years younger would do. I am utterly and completely Bette Midler. But younger.

    But I really like Minnie Driver for me because she’s so Jewish looking and most Jewish actresses don’t have that look.

  60. Moira, I was rather consumed with “the children.” Thanks for sharing.

  61. Petulant, the last time I tried putting that corset on, it didn’t fit! Quel triste! (Hmm, I’ve lost some weight lately. It might work…)

  62. Moira- I wish more women wore corsets.
    petulant, that line is reminding me of a film and for the life of me I can’t remember the name of it, but I am laughing nonetheless, and that is a good thing.

    And I’m suffocating at the mere thought.

  63. Your next assignment is to come up with a variation on this theme!

    Perhaps ask which historical figure most resembles shakers? Then, those characters can be used in the flashback sections of the now epic Shakesville the movie. I sense Shakesville will have to be similar to Fassbinder’s Berlin Alexanderplatz

  64. Kona, are you thinking of poor Scarlet being laced up by her mammy?

  65. Corsets create a lovely silhouette. Shakesville the movie can have a Victorian Flashback of just lovely ladies donning their undergarments. It could be the segment to appeal to the male hetero Shakers.

  66. I just thought of another one who could theoretically play me.

    Mike Myers. Am I allowed another entry?

  67. And the lesbians and jealous queens.

  68. I’d like to get tied up by my mammy, but that wasn’t the movie I was thinking of.

    It was one of those English films I’m thinking. You know, those blank & blank films. Both name escape me right now. Maurice was probably one of them.

    Whatever.

  69. Perhaps A Room With A View or Where Angels Fear to Tread?

  70. Merchant & Ivory. Damn, my brain is working like IMDB.

  71. I have to go now. txrad and I are fighting about who has driven a truck more. I say I have.

    It’s a manly conversation.

  72. Where is Melissa? She IS THE STAR of this movie?

  73. A Room With a View YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Merchant Ivory!!!!!!!!!!!!

    YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thanks for clearing my brain fart.

  74. Crime and Sensibilities?

    Sense and Punishment?

    Wallace and Grommet?

  75. Dawn French is a good choice for Melissa, but so would Helena Bonham Carter.

  76. Liss is probably out with Mr. Shakes having a few drinky drink drinks and trying to figure out some new sexual position tonight.

    I’m just guessing while waiting on pizza to cool.

  77. Drinky Drink Drinks! I opted for one of those myself. Probably the reason my brain is working.

  78. Let’s play a NEW game.

    Go find a konagod character.

    It’s easy.

    Beyond the Valley of the Dolls is on right now. Go watch it.

    You’ll see me in there somewhere, and often!

  79. I’m about to fire up some pot. Does anybody want a hit?

  80. Erika Christensen could play me, provided she gains about 25 pounds first. It’d probably be a small part, complete with more lurking than posting. 😀

  81. beatgrl

    Oh, yes, Kate Winslet, like Sarita, is one of those actresses with curves. So in fantasy casting she would be me, the jazz singer on stage in the background. There’s Salma, too. Hmmm…

  82. Ally Sheedy (if she put on some weight and looked a bit older).

  83. Bitty

    If we’re casting the young me, Maggie Gyllenhaal, although she looks even more like my Grammie did when she was young than like me.

    If we’re casting the current me, Brenda Blethyn, who looks NOTHING like me but could portray my smoldering essence (ha!), and if she’s not available, get Meryl Streep.

    A lot can be done with hair and makeup. The rest is auk-ting!

    (When I truly was young, people compared me to Marie Osmond and Mary Tyler Moore (it was the teeth). But I see myself in Gyllenhaal.)

    I love this question and the responses to it!

  84. since we can’t say “elephant” for you, shakes, may i suggest you be played by Divine (you know, if he was still alive.)

  85. Kate217

    Well, during the 20 minutes when I was actually skinny, I was almost a dead ringer for Lisa Welchel, although a lot of people told me I looked like the Hemingway sisters. So I guess either a fat Lisa Welchel or a fat Mariel Hemingway, although I would also dearly love Elizabeth Spriggs.

  86. Arkades

    As I already overshared in the previous incarnation of this thread, Kevin Smith, both because he’s the famous person I most closely resemble and also because I have a crush on him. (Yes, sometimes my husband teases me that I’m a narcissist for having a crush on a guy who looks like me.)

    Personally, I just think my husband is jealous because it’s much harder to find a suitable celebrity analog that looks like him. Donal Logue in one of his bearded incarnations probably comes closest in that respect.

  87. Donal Logue in one of his bearded incarnations probably comes closest in that respect.

    My brother looks just like Donal Logue. I look a lot like my brother. If we aren’t concerned with gender, then Donal Logue could totally play me. I lurve him, anyway.

  88. PortlyDyke

    Holly Hunter with 100 lbs. attached. No voice or accent change. Spunkiness retained.

  89. PortlyDyke

    But as a walk-on (obviously).

  90. Ooo, I love her voice. Not that you need my approval, but yum! Nice visual.

  91. Misty

    Well. Since Janeane Garofalo was taken…hmmm..

    Sarah Gilbert.

  92. SAP

    OK, seriously, if they were still alive, I would want either Raymond Burr or John Belushi.

    A living actor? James Gandolfini.

  93. Doktor Wankenstein

    Picture Richard Dreyfus in The Goodbye Girl only older, cuter, and chunkier — we can always CG in the details in post-production.

  94. Willy Nelsen. A. because we actually resemble each other more than a bit plus, B. and this is the important bit: We are probably the only two people still living who know where both Dime Box Texas and the Chicken Ranch are and have been to both places. And seeing as it’s going to be a musical this is another plus ’cause I personally can’t sing for shit although I could at one time. In fact I was once a member of the USAF Cadet Choir.

  95. jeff

    Either Judd Nelson or John Cusak

  96. Forgot: I also sang in the church chior when I was a kid. Didn’t go for the Bible BS but I loved to sing and it also meant that I could get off the farm and not have to shovel cow shit for most of Sunday. A definate plus.

  97. I’m always late to the party.

    Dead or alive? Because Alive: it would be Sara Gilbert. I’m a dead ringer for her. I’ve been stopped and asked if I was her several times. very odd.

    Dead: hands down, Audrey Hepburn. Cool factor 10.

  98. Melissa McEwan

    since we can’t say “elephant” for you, shakes, may i suggest you be played by Divine (you know, if he was still alive.)

    Good call! Especially since Divine is my inner gay and all.

  99. Melissa McEwan

    Liss is probably out with Mr. Shakes having a few drinky drink drinks and trying to figure out some new sexual position tonight.

    That’s so exactly what I was doing.

    We definitely weren’t snuggled up on the sofa watching So You Think You Can Dance.

    Because that would be totally lame.

  100. I come to this one late, but as one of the early Shakers (who does not comment as much, but lurks efficiently still), I hope to remain in the contention for a part in the movie. The consensus I get for who should play me in my own movie is split between Jerry Seinfeld and Nicholas Cage. I will leave it to you to sign one or the other.

  101. Kathy Griffin.

    We don’t look or sound alike. But somehow, she’s the right actor.

  102. Arkades

    I would hope Shakesville the Movie would be shot in Technicolor and call forth Busby Berkeley for an Esther Williams Water Spectacular. Dawn French can play Melissa as Bjork at the Olympic Games and we can all swim around her in a giant choreographed flower. Shot from overhead, of course.

    That’s an awesome idea, Petulant! That would be so totally retro-cheesy-FUN! (Though I do wonder where you come up with such things!)

    Moira, I followed the link to those nice pics, and my first thought upon seeing the headshots-with-glasses was that you resemble Meryl Streep. Something about the shape of your cheekbones and nose and how they all relate to each other that reminds me of her. Or possibly the style of glasses led my thoughts in that direction, but still: pretty cool.

  103. Melissa McEwan

    my first thought upon seeing the headshots-with-glasses was that you resemble Meryl Streep

    Mine, too!

  104. nightshift66

    To play me, John Candy if he were still with us; John Goodman or Drew Carey in the alternative.

    Pervy teacher… harumph!

    To play our hostess— well, given that every picture of her I’ve seen looks like a different person each time, I’d think that many actresses could play her. Bjork, French, a younger Roseanne. She’s very chameleon-like, our QCOFM.

  105. Rhiannon

    Debrah Farentino, because I miss Earth2 and I really liked her character or

    http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1132359/

    Summer Glau because of her awesome performance in Serenity.

    There’s one other I’d choose, but I can’t remember her name or what she’s stared in, but she’d probably be a last thought. Like if the other two both said no.

  106. you’d have to cross paul giamati, woody allen and wes studi to get me.

  107. Brynn

    Dam* work! I just got here…

    Can David Bowie do a California accent?

  108. Brynn

    Liss, this is you:

  109. Susan

    I’ve had people come up to me and ask if I’m Kathy Bates. As much as I like Kathy Bates (and the fact that our hair color is in no way similar)…
    Anyway, for pure fantasy I want to be played by Emma Thompson.

  110. Grandjester

    my first thought upon seeing the headshots-with-glasses was that you resemble Meryl Streep

    Really? My first thought was: “I can see up Melissa’s nose”

  111. Arkades

    Grandjester, the Streep comment was in regard to Moira’s headshots. You must be referring to a different photograph altogether.

  112. Melissa McEwan

    Liss, this is you:

    http://artfiles.art.com/images/-/Drew-Barrymore-Photograph-C10048421.jpeg

    Far, far too kind. Poor Drew.

    We do, however, have the same sibilant S when we speak.

  113. Melissa McEwan

    Grandjester, the Streep comment was in regard to Moira’s headshots. You must be referring to a different photograph altogether.

    I believe a snide comment is being made about my new author photo.

  114. Reba

    Can I choose Lucy Lawless? I don’t look like her, but I think she’d do a credible job playing me, even if it was just patron 27 at the virtual pub.

  115. my first thought upon seeing the headshots-with-glasses was that you resemble Meryl Streep

    Mine, too!

    I’m flattered! Thank you. ^_^

  116. “Liss is probably out with Mr. Shakes having a few drinky drink drinks and trying to figure out some new sexual position tonight.”

    That’s so exactly what I was doing.

    “Woman reclines on bed face down with pillow under chest and ankles locked. Man approaches from rear and wonders what to do.” – an unsuccessful English attempt.

  117. Winchell

    Fritz, I think we need you to dig up some more troll extras. I’m a bit partial to Andy Serkis reprising Gollum, though less coherent and more asinine.

  118. Bitty

    By the way, as long as we’re dragging folks out of their graves to play us, shouldn’t we try to sign Robert Altman to direct? This is so custom-made for him.

  119. Arkades

    Winchell: Will K. Wolf – Your local dude at Home Depot

    Hmmm. Given that none of the rest of Winchell’s comparisons were particularly flattering, I have to assume that this was intended some sort of slam.

    However, I would like to suggest instead that the part of Wolfrum be played by Billy Mays, better known to most of us as That OxiClean Guy.

    The difference is that, coming from me, the comparison is intended as a compliment (or at least, I hope it will be received as such).

  120. PortlyDyke

    Who hasn’t cast themselves yet? Can we have them do a cameo?

  121. PortlyDyke

    Now, Todd’s been cast (by others) — but not by himself?

    How about it, Furious? Pick a cameo — any cameo!

  122. Arkades

    Now, Todd’s been cast (by others)

    Perhaps Ben Stiller, since he played a character named Mr. Furious in Mystery Men?

  123. kona

    shouldn’t we try to sign Robert Altman to direct? This is so custom-made for him.

    Too awesome for words!

  124. Kate217

    Light bulb turns on

    Instead of those I mentioned earlier, can I play myself? Pretty please with your favorite indulgence on top?

    Back in the Pleistocene era I did earn a BA in acting/directing…

  125. Melissa McEwan

    Perhaps Ben Stiller, since he played a character named Mr. Furious in Mystery Men?

    The best casting for Todd, which he will deny until his dying breath, is Jerry Seinfeld. Trust me.

  126. Brynn

    Drew & you: it’s the spirit that comes through….Ok, she’s more Hollywood, but that’s bred into her after what, 4? 5? generations in theatre. You’re both heart-throbs.

  127. Liz

    Well, since it would pretty much be the briefest of brief cameos, I think I could play myself. However, since I don’t have a SAG membership or nothing, how about Kate Winslet à la Clementine in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? Not a whole lot of physical resemblance, but I have been known to wear hoodies, jeans, and Docs, and it just seems appropriate somehow. Or maybe Julia Sawalha. 🙂

  128. Esme

    Lili Taylor will play me.

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