The Virtual Pub is Open

TFIF, Shakers! I don’t know about anyone else,
but I was well ready for an early pub tonight!

Belly up to the bar and name your poison.



Filed under 01_shakespeares_sister

474 responses to “The Virtual Pub is Open

  1. I am sorry I haven’t commented on the great looking new digs ya got going on here now at Shakesville! Congrats and keep up the good work!

  2. Melissa McEwan

    Thanks, Mark!

  3. I think I’ll just go with a lovely iced tea (not Lawn-guyland, though). It was haaawt today!

  4. Kate217

    A sloe comfortable screw sounds pretty good… ;D

  5. Draw me a pint o’ something stout!

  6. PortlyDyke

    Ever since I posted about that graduation tequila, I’ve been wondering when the pub might open.

    Virgin Mary for me. I’m working tonight.

  7. Oh, and what we need is sapphire bullets.

    Sapphire bullets of pure love.

    The two Johns can help.

  8. katecontinued

    vodka and organic peach juice . . . first vodka in about 1/3 of this little slice of heaven 2007.

    Rough week internalizing so much . . .

  9. Nik E Poo

    I’d like a slippery nipple … and some sort of alcoholic beverage as well.

  10. Melissa McEwan

    I’d like a slippery nipple … and some sort of alcoholic beverage as well.


  11. You’d think after the lack of a pub last week, I’d be ready for a double whammy tonight, and honestly, after the day and week I’ve had, I’m just kinda in a royal snit.

    Pour me a shot please, to wash down the one I just did.

  12. Jeff

    In honor of the heat, I’ll take a mint julip…and in honor of Mr. Shakes, put a fookin’ potato in it.

  13. I hate walking away from work on a Friday wishing it was Monday morning tomorrow just because there’s so much fucking drama!

  14. Kate217

    Kona, come sit by me and tell me all about it. I can’t make your week any better, but I can let you vent.

  15. U can has mas alchol.

  16. My hairdresser has just informed me it’s gin and tonic season – for those of you who’ve been hunting them without a license.

    In other news, I have a hairdresser.

  17. A-fucking-men for the Shaker V-Pub. I will gladly share my vast collection of vintage gay porn with y’all, in exchange for a never-ending supply of Summit Maibock.

    Thanks Shakes, love the new site!

  18. PortlyDyke

    Where is SAP’s Picture? I’m just sure there is one there, hiding under my blank screen.

    And Tata — LOL!

  19. WordPress is a comment bigot. Juz seyin’

  20. SAP

    I can has LOLcat?!? 🙂

  21. Misty

    I have some new red SHOOOOOOOES!

    It’s a bit early and I’m the only one here with the offspring at the moment, so some iced sweet tea for me.

  22. Awesome. I could use an endless supply of vintage gay porn. To keep me company in my dottage, doncha know.

  23. some iced sweet tea for me

    It’s the perfect day for it. YUMZ!

  24. SAP

    Oh, well, gonna have to do this old school.

  25. I’d like a cookie too, but…

  26. Misty

    I think everyone could use some vintage gay porn, don’t you?

  27. Sorry, I had to step out for a bit. Checking out some vintage gay porn.

  28. Maybe later we could get tanked and watch Steve Reeves movies.

  29. By the time I’m 50 I’m sure some college will be offering an elective class on the history of gay porn and I’ll be pissed that I had to settle for “History of Women in Witchcraft.”

  30. If the Parsons in NY doesn’t offer that now, you’ve just handed them a mooing cash cow.

  31. Does anyone besides me have a nipple fetish? When I see those enormously large aureoles (or whatthefuckever they’re called on men) I want to burst out laughing. And I’m not real crazy about guys with those teeny-weeny nipples either. I like ’em “just right.”

  32. No matter how drunk I get I’m not discussing my nipples with a man I’m not sleeping with. Unless I’ve already slept with him. Or I’m planning on sleeping with him. Or I have a weeknight free…

  33. txrad and I need to slow down on the tequila shots. The juice du jour is already below the tip of the Cabrito horns on the bottle. We haven’t even started prepping for dinner.

  34. Yes, but what about other nipples not your own? 8^P

  35. A nice mutton, lettuce and tomato snadwich, where the mutton is really lean and the tomatoes…

  36. I brought with me some Trey Anastasio. He greets thee and begs thee entrance.

  37. I’m not a witch, I’m ya wife!

  38. Tata, I’m not interested in female nipples so feel free to disclose whatever you want or not. It’s just a body. 🙂

    And for the record, females with huge aureoles or tiny nipples, it don’t make no difference to me, and I don’t even laugh about it. Just on men do I find certain characteristics entertaining.

    I may have to whip out the Woodstock video now so I can see LOTS of beautiful body parts swinging to the music.

  39. This has been brought to you by the undergrad program: Women Not Actually In Witchcraft.

  40. Just on men do I find certain characteristics entertaining.

    In more ways than one, aye? 8^D

  41. SAP

    butbutbut … porn makes me sleepy.

  42. He distinctly said “to blaithe”.

  43. Everybody loves me, Baby. What’s the matter with you?

  44. SAP

    But I am on the Brute Squad.

  45. You are the Brute Squad.

  46. Gin. I need gin, please.

  47. Tata, you may be one and just not know it.

  48. Hey all, just stopped by to say hello. Love the new look. Hello.

  49. txrad

    Oh MY! txrad posted?

  50. txrad

    I’m just waiting for my keyboard to warm up. That would be my piano keyboard.

  51. Liss, you’re gonna piss off Brynn doing shit like that.


  52. Red red wine is doin’ me just fine now. But the bottle’s empty — Shakes, you got some Cabernet back there?

    I’ve got everyday, ordinary nips and areoles (er, whatever). But I’m reading this book where the author had an areole-tuck along with her boob-job…

  53. Hey Blue Gal, wanna dance until Quaker Dave shows up?

  54. (By the way, breast anatomy is the same in men and women, though this is not true for all mammals. So ‘aureolae’ is the right word for either. Fun Fact: Unless the milk glands have been removed, any of us can lactate given the right hormone mix.)

  55. Is that like an aureole reduction technique? I’ve never heard of such shit.

  56. Am I misspelling that word? It’s a fucking restaurant in Vegas. Who would name a restaurant after “titty glow?”

  57. Hey Kona. Thanks for the offer. Have you heard the Barenaked Ladies Bathroom Sessions?

    Wow. I lurve Youtube.

  58. Nik E Poo

    Years ago, I knew this sailor (total swabby) … who was fascinated by human heads. He always carried around a notebook … and when he saw someone with a particularly interesting head … he’d sit down and sketch it. He’d eagerly show off his notebook … and point out features.

    “That right there! …” he’d say “… THAT! is the head of a champion!”.

  59. I bid thee all a hearty farewell. It’s been fun.

    I’m going to prep dinner. When I return, if I do, you shall not recognize me.

  60. It’s a fucking restaurant in Vegas

    There are restaurants devoted to fucking?

  61. Nik E Poo

    And when I say “total swabby” … I mean he’d wear his whites around town and had a fucking Anchor tattoo on his oversized forearm.

  62. That Barenaked Ladies clip was brilliant.

  63. No, JackGoff, pay fucking attention please. There is a fucking restaurant devoted to that fucking area around the fucking nipple! It has nothing at all to fucking do with fucking.

  64. Bluegal, those are so cool — bookmark city. kthxbye. Gotta go to the hardware store (again) so I can finish that damn shoji screen for my kid before she gets home.

    No worries — Hubs is driving. It’s thunderstorming and I’m tipsy, but I’m not stupid.

    Hey Kona, whatz fer dinner?

  65. PortlyDyke

    OMG! You all are an extra 10% FUNNY

  66. PortlyDyke

    Tonight — and I’m not even drinking!

  67. I like your name PortlyDyke.

    Meanwhile, I’m gonna sit beside Kate217 and tell her my story.

    Basically, I am prepared to get up from a meeting early next week and walk out saying in not so many words, “fuck you.”

    “I won’t get fooled again.”

    I am not training my replacements.

    Been there, done that.

  68. This whole situation is totally FUCKED.

    I was hired for my expertise over four months ago. And during that time, not ONE person has asked me for advice on how to structure anything in the department. And they continue to have secret meetings to help solve “our” problems while never consulting with the “us” that are affected.

    What kind of fucking shit is that?

    I’ve about had it. Back to plan A.

  69. What kind of fucking shit is that?

    Damn coprophiliacs.

  70. PortlyDyke

    Kona —

    Here is my big old terry-cloth shoulder — I mean that in the most sincere and inviting way.

    You are talking about the very reason that I no longer “work” for anyone. I contract. I consult. I leave if they’re not getting it.

    You’re a smart little kitty. Don’t worry. You’ll go far, I believe, and get what you want.

  71. Hey all, just popped in to remind you: A vote for Romney = a vote for Satan.

    That is all.


  72. Nik E Poo

    This whole situation is totally FUCKED.

    I hate it when that happens! When everybody just wiggles away … no matter how you corner them.

    A while back … I found myself in a similar situation. As I walked out the door (never to return) I had this song playing in my head. And I don’t even like the Eagles.

  73. I just can’t stand the fucking Eagles, man!

  74. Nik E Poo

    Correction … the song I had playing was a much less lame version … faster tempo … in tune … etc.

  75. Nik E Poo

    I just can’t stand the fucking Eagles, man!

    I neither love nor hate them. But in this particular case … lyrics kinda fit.

  76. Oh, sorry, Nik, that’s a quote.

  77. Life is so strange.

    Destination Unknown.

    Got,I love the 80s.

  78. Don’t be quotin’ Lebowski you fuckhead. Not in a Virtual Pub, please.

    Where do you want those ashes?

  79. Redrum has it goin on!

  80. I’d post a pic right about now but I’d have SAPsyndrome.

    And I can’t rely on any fatass bitch to bail me out.

  81. Cobain just showed up.

    Excuse me for leavin’ the party.

  82. Ozzy or Iggy.

    There’s another struggled soul, man.

  83. I’m sorry. Am I the only one here, and where did the nipples go?

  84. Cobain has taken control of this long transmission and my long hairy toes are out of it.

  85. It’s EARLY. Where the FUCK is everyone?

    If you want me to keep showing up, speak now. Because I think I have demonstrated that I am at the end of my fucking rope.

    emphasis on “demon”

  86. Graham

    I’m a bit short of funds.

    Is my credit good in here?

  87. Kate217

    You could have depended on this fatass bitch until you insulted her. Sphincter.

  88. Kate217

    It’s on the fatass bitch, Graham. What’s yer poison?

  89. jack white speaks my language baby.

    he speaks my language.

  90. We take ALL credit cards in here. I’ll process them myself.

  91. jack white likes to make the sweat drip from every pore…

    how fucking’ noble.

  92. I never insult the Shakes.

    I only flatter her.

    And I am NOT an spinchter. Or however you spell it. Sorta like aureole.

  93. Good credit, no credit, bad credit, we’ll fuck you up.

  94. [insert guitar solo here, but only from the good guys, like jack white]

  95. Graham

    It’s on the fatass bitch, Graham. What’s yer poison?

    A pint of ale, please.

    Thanks Kate, you’re the bomb!

  96. Hey Kate217, You coming back for a snuggle and a chat?

  97. This particular nipple has been transmogrified to reflect those who have suffered at the hands of oppression. I am not the purple nurple. So, fuck off, you existentialist pigdog!

  98. I work like a fine wine. And it’s YOUR JOB to determine the qualtiy.

  99. Jeebus, I’ve had no alcohol, and I still cannot type. And the “w” is nowhere near the “T”. not = now, by the way.

    That’s the way we roll.

  100. pidomon

    i heard it was kareoke nite. am I in the wrong bar? Either way a cold bottle of………..Budweiser please (awaiting the moans from the beer elite:))

  101. rxrad: we need to replace this with something pure.

    konagod: we don’t need to replace anything with nothing.

  102. whatever. come on in and have a free drink on us.

    you think we really give a royal shit?

  103. It’s a fucking blast and we’re all too far well done.

  104. I gave a royal shit, and he had me pilloried. The wretch.

  105. Kate217

    My pleasure, Graham.

    Kona, I do not “snuggle” with mysogynistic sizists.

  106. I forgot about the virtual part, silly me. (There’s gin nearby in the real world, so that’s Just Fine.)

    Gimme a shot of that brandy they pickled Nelson in. Inna dirty glass!

  107. txrad is loading the pipe and i’m prepared to walk away from everything…………

    ………except plan a.

  108. pidomon

    a toast to Charles Nelson Reilly and Match Game 1972!

  109. Can I lick your dirty glass?

  110. mysogynistic sizists.

    Wow. I’ve been called something I can’t pronounced.

    See ya’ll in the morning.


  111. Kate217

    WHOA!!!! Lidsville flashback….

  112. and I meant that, most sincerely.

  113. what are YOU watching?

    “Sweet Dreams.”

    Pray tell, it isn’t Spinal Tap or Queensryche.

  114. OK, I just turned on the TV (mistake). There’s a show on now called “National Bingo Night”. Seriously. Apparently, Bingo is the hottest new thing in crappy summer television.

  115. It’s Queensryche.

    Fuck me running.

  116. Suzy, turn OFF the TV.

  117. Slainte, konagod. You may lick my dirty glass when I’m done with it. I’m still drinkin’ here! This is some fine Admiral I got here, and I’m gonna savor my damn drink.

  118. I don’t even know if I have eaten.

  119. PortlyDyke

    kona — your dinner’s burning.

  120. pidomon

    but National Bingo NIght In America hosted by 2 guys not from America What’s more American than that?

  121. Some of you people, Moira, are so far behind that I pity you.

    Stroke my nipple while I measure my aureole.

  122. fuck you, potlydyke, I know exactcly where my fucking dinner is.

  123. but for the best of me,
    I can’t figure out where my fucking SELF is.

    “It’s down there somewhere, let me go take another look.”

  124. and I’m frozen and dinner hasn’t burned.

  125. Um, I’m gonna go stand over at the other end of the bar. With the Dyke, and where the light’s good. Just so you know, I carry knives. At all times.

    Sometimes I can even find them in my purse.

  126. PortlyDyke


  127. By the way, if I didn’t make myself abundantly clear coming out of the starting gate, then fuck you. Learn to read.

  128. PortlyDyke

    *beckoning Moira over to the other end of the bar*

    OK. Now hold my Virgin Mary. I’ve got to go to work for about an hour and a half. I promise I’ll be back.

    Meanwhile, keep the lights on over here, OK?

  129. don your weapons lezzzbos

    i will be oughta sight.

  130. by interrupting a song all you do is obliterate reality.

  131. Yes, you’ve had a lousy week and you’re in a snit. I took mine out on some guy who really didn’t mean to be a concern troll, but was anyway. On the plus side, it made a few people laugh.

    Maybe some other entertainment might not alienate so many people?

  132. ((Ooh, Johnny Cash music on Numb3rs. I’m fallin’ down down down into that burnin’ ring of fire!))

  133. where the light’s good

    Hey, we paid the electricity bill! Honest!

    Future’s so bright, my retinas are burning.

  134. Kate217

    Does that jukebox have any Toad? Moira, mind if I join you?

  135. Truly, I’d offer to share my PS2 and my copy of God of War II if I thought it’d help. It’s got nice gory splattery brutal kill animations. Good stuff.

  136. some guy who really didn’t mean to be a concern troll, but was anyway.

    I’m not so sure that guy wasn’t being a disingenuous fuck. I’m just tired as hell with all the pieces of scum who come in here to learn the wimminz a thang or two ’bout what’s rape and what should be done ’bout it. Which is why I say “Fuck off”. With all proper decorum, utmost respect, yadda yadda yadda.

  137. Kate, I don’t mind in the slightest. Plenty of room down here. Whatcha drinkin’? Hi, Jack! (God, don’t let the TSA overhear me.

  138. I wear my sunglasses at night so I can so I can see right!

  139. Did anyone ever try to escape out of a comment here?

    You are trapped in a virtual fuckhole.

  140. Nik E Poo

    I’m making chicken soup (from scratch of course)


    – 2 onions
    – 6 carrots
    – celery seeds
    – a chick
    – chicken feed

    First, put the chick in the incubator and …

    [its a kinda long recipe]

  141. Nik E Poo

    Maybe some other entertainment might not alienate so many people?

    Don’t be silly … you did nothing of the sort. Fragile people crack all by themselves.

  142. I’ll have three beers and a scoop of mango sorbet in my underwear because it’s bloody fucking hot and humid in NYC tonight.

  143. PortlyDyke,
    what kind of fucking work do you do that only takes an hour and a half?

    That does NOT sound like any job I ever held.

    Are you fucking for a living?

  144. God, I wish I was in NYC tonight. It’s fuckin’ hot here too but I never imagined sticking sorbet in my shorts. And now that I did….






  145. Nik E Poo

    … it’s bloody fucking hot and humid in NYC tonight.

    Did we forget to mention to you that NYC if hotter than fuck in the summer? On the bright side … by the time you’re ready to move on … you’ll be weather proof.

  146. I didn’t go to work today.

  147. put on 10 years after, fire up the bowl, and call me in the morning.

    fuck youse I’m tired.

  148. Kate217

    Thanks, Moira. A T&T with extral lime sounds wonderful.

    Tart, isn’t that a little sticky? Never mind; I don’t really want to know. I do, however, want to know how the hell you’re doing…

  149. amish451

    “…an elective on the history of gay porn …..”

    Lissa, isn’t that a bit of why our friend Marc T left Indiana to teach in IL …? It was in all the papers here……

    A couple of really cold, really dark beers please …

  150. Hola, Moira! Ooo, I need some mas tea. Pass the honey, somebody!

  151. I’m leaving in 2 weeks, so I’ll miss the Living Hell of August, but today is pretty gross. It’s rainy and moist and I’m sweating indoors.

  152. Angelos

    Hey, I just got here. Is everyone already drunk and passed out?

  153. who brought up AT&T?

    ha! those of you in the know can recognize my humor.

    Was that extra lime or external lime?

  154. And sacred shite, was it HAAAAAWT today. Joisey got up to 92, but the himidity was 100%, and I was hauling equipment up to a lab. With no elevator. Ai yai ai!

  155. Hi Kate. I’m okay, but I’m pretty sure I don’t smell very good.

  156. Moira slides in behind the counter, rolls up her sleeves, and mixes Kate’s Tanq and tonic. “I was in Omaha for IMsL a few years ago. The woman at the back bar was making me drinks this size. My guess is she thought I was cute. Extra lime, here ya go.”

  157. Hey, Angelos! Nah, some of us are on the wagon.

    Did Sly and Family Stone just occur to mine ears? DO WANT!

  158. Kate217

    Yeah, Tart, beer in your knickers’ll do that.

  159. Nik E Poo


    Joisey is kinda like NYC in summer … but with ticks.

  160. Two espresso porters for the amish gentlebeing, a tea for JackGoff with extra honey, and Everclear and Ketamine for the kona.

  161. It was a nice day here in Dallas, actually. Mid eighties and not too humid. Go figure.

  162. All I’m saying is, stop flying your fucking kites if you aren’t prepared to draw in the string.

  163. Drink your thorazine, konagod. There are children conscious in Myanmar.

  164. Kate217

    Well of course she thought you were cute. You are cute.

    Buíochas for the T&T.

  165. Let’s see: Ketamine is going to repalce aureole in the ole Clitrola.

    Let’s see what the old bitch bring up:

    classified as an NMDA receptor antagonist,[1] and, like other drugs of this class such as tiletamine, memantine, and phencyclidine (PCP), induces a state referred to as “dissociative anesthesia.”[2] As with other pharmaceuticals of this type, ketamine is used illicitly as a recreational drug.

    This ain’t a drug for me, missy. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

  166. amish451

    ..sunglasses at night ..
    “The sun never sets on the truly cool.”

  167. When I go for recreation, I use alcohol, followed closely by hemp weed.

    That’s as simple as it gets.

  168. Greetings, all. Any beer left?

  169. Thanks, Moira!

    And kona, when the wind is ride, go fly a kite. It’ll feel right.

    Thus spake Zarathustra.

  170. I have some rope made from hemp in the garage. Will that be of use?

  171. Angelos, everyone is well drunk but far from passed out.

    What are you having?

    And are you still here? 🙂

  172. Wow, it’s like I’m not even paying attention to what I type.

    AND QD!!! Beer’s cold and well-stocked, I do believe.

  173. Thanks, but you’re not my type, konagod. Strange but true: neither are horses.

    Kate, you’ll make me blush. Did make me grin.

  174. Actually, the expresso idea sounds better. Hold the beer.

  175. Hey all, good to see ya! Who’s ‘tendin’ tonight?

  176. Quaker, can you restore sanity, or are you a false god?

  177. That was a very loaded question.


  178. I cannot restore what I myself do not have.

    As for God, you’ll have to talk to Him/Her.

  179. Kate217

    OK, now I’ve got “Zo Spracht Zarathustra” and visions of chimps throwing bones that magically become space stations stuck in my head.

  180. Kona, can you open this beer bottle with your teeth?

  181. I do a little dance on this eve.

  182. Kate217

    I just calls ’em like I sees ’em, Moira. So, do you use the American or Gaelic pronunciation?

  183. Some beer is cold. The proper beers — by which I mean beer you can’t see through — are around fifty Fahrenheit. The Bud, someone upthread was drinking Bud, is hovering at around twenty-eight.

  184. Kate217

    Don’t dance too hard. That sorbet’ll melt and run down your legs.

  185. K-god can open anything with his teeth. Cell doors, zippers, envelopes…

  186. I’m drinking Corona light.

    Please don’t make me leave.

    Necessity is the mother of this beer.

  187. Espresso’s easily done. Double with a twist?

    I live in Texas, so I hear all kinds of pronunciations. However you want to say it, I’ll answer to it.

  188. Thanks, but you’re not my type, konagod. Strange but true: neither are horses.

    What the fuck does that mean? Did I even come on to you anywhere here tonight? Witnesses? Come forth!

    Notify me of followup comments via e-mail

    « Workers of the world….

  189. Kate, methinks thou dost make suggestive commentaries!

  190. We got ice cold Corona light. Lime and salt with those, Tart?

  191. beatgrl

    Aaahh..It’s nice to relax and read some light news from Shakes Manor, then head for the pub. Mmmm, this sippin’ tequila is mighty fine.

    Weather in the 4th corner is perfection right now.

    That rape thread was exhausting last night. Some very intelligent and articulate people hang around Shakesville! It was enlightening and absorbing reading.

    Question, Melissa: everyone else here uses a pen name. Why did you decide to stop being Shakespeare’s Sister and start using your real name?

  192. Yes, please. A double with a twist of whatever.

  193. Lime. And a cute boy with a beard and glasses to make out with.

    Oh wait, that was last night…

  194. What the fuck does that mean? Did I even come on to you anywhere here tonight? Witnesses? Come forth!

    You said, quote, fuck you and the horse you rode in on, endquote. That wasn’t a proposition?

  195. Some people you take a liking to immediately and add them to you blogroll. Others kinda piss you off and you wanna punish them.

    I has one to punish. My 3 visitors per day will be avoiding THAT cunt.

  196. NO, it wasn’t a fucking PROPOSITION you stupid cow.

  197. Now, where’s your blog so I can add you to my blogroll?

  198. Hey, this ain’t no nom de plume. I really am a Jackoff, er JackGoff.

  199. beatgrl, the Melissa is not with us at the moment, but I got a real nice añejo back here with your name on it.

  200. Poor Kona’s wearing his itchy thong…

  201. Never mind. I found it.

  202. Here we go again.

    See you all later. Have a good week.

  203. Kate217

    Maybe you could get the cute bespectacled boy to take care of that sorbet on your legs. It won’t cool you down any, but I doubt you’d much care. 😉

  204. Yeah bitch. It’s creating a rash.

  205. Bye, QD, that was too short for me!

  206. Quaker Dave,
    what the hell do you have against me?

    Crap, this is why I tried to behave.

  207. you stupid cow

    kona, might I humbly suggest that you tone it down? Let’s twist again, like we did last summer.

  208. beatgrl

    yes ma’am, thank you

  209. 🙂 🙂 🙂 Kona, yer slayin’ me

  210. Goodnight.

    I’m goin’ as well.

    I’m done with the battle.

    Have fun with all your cunt fights, etc.

  211. Kate217

    His itchy thong, huh? And here I thought that he was just a mean drunk. *sigh* I have more experience with drunks than I care to think about.

  212. Well, glad the Finishing School paid off, Kona! Not a dime wasted there…

  213. Moira, standing in for the regular barkeep, slides beatgrl an old-fashioned glass with three fingers of añejo. “G’night, konagod. Mind the step on the way out.”

  214. Sorry toi hear that, Kate. Can create hardships, I know.

  215. Moira, if yer ‘tendin,, gimme a local ale, if you please…

  216. Otherwise I’ll get me own…

  217. beatgrl

    These out of order posts are creating hilarious dialog!

  218. Kate, I had to come up for air. Air is important!

  219. And I try to keep a nice house here. Your underwear is your own business, thanks. Who’s thirsty? Oo, we got snacky things here too. Pretzels, wasabi peas, Skittles…

  220. I ain’t gone yet, bitch. And I grabbed that shot.

  221. …or slow postin’, whichever comes first…

  222. Another Corona Lite, plz.

  223. [pases the ale, an IPA, I believe]

  224. We got a new IPA in, O Cunning One. How’s that do?

  225. in the cold cold night.

    why does meg even try to sing?

  226. [i believe too, ajaxoff]

  227. Got any sand peas?

    /obligatory obscure reference

  228. (Jack, I swear I did not see your IPA post. Spooky! 🙂

  229. I’ll try it, Moira, though IPA’s are frequently too hoppy for my tastes.

  230. More cold Corona for the Tart! Anna lime wedge on top.

  231. beatgrl

    Thanks, Moira.

  232. that is obscure.

    elaborate please.

  233. Well, a (mostly) cordial group tonight! Any highlights for you peeps’ weeks?

  234. Hmm. There’s a case of amber if that IPA doesn’t work out.

  235. Kate217

    Thanks, CR. We all have our crosses to bear.

    Tart, needing air sucks, doesn’t it? (Pun completely intentional.)

    I suppose that I’d better go shmooze with the furkids. I’m working a long day tomorrow and driving to Philly to see King Tut (the Egyptian stuff, not Steve Martin) on Sunday. Jinx and Stinky get annoyed when they don’t get enough attention.

  236. *grins at the beatgrl*

  237. beatgrl


  238. As a matter of fact, she does me all night long! 🙂 🙂 🙂

  239. Deli-style rye Triscuits

  240. I’m definitely an Amber-Dude.

  241. Excellent. Happy drinkers tip well. Highlights? Um, I found my way here, that was pretty good.

  242. You know, the bottle is basically done. There is no need to cut corners.


    Yes, we are (mostly) cordial. Except that a few folks don’t know that I m fearing for my job right now and higher ups had meetings to discuss my fate without even consulting me for my opinion. But I guess that’s the way big businesses operate.

    Well, do you know how konagod operates?

    I’ve got their balls tied in a fucking knot, and all I have to do is say I’m walking, in order to strike panic into those fuckers.

    And I’m tempted to do it, but I just have to back up the talk with the walk.

  243. Eh, can’t type tonight…

  244. Sand peas = bar food designed to make you thirsty, but have no real taste, kona. Offered by a certain Ferengi bar proprietor

    And hey, Moira, it must be that echo chamber those rape apologists were so certain existed. 🙂

  245. beatgrl

    Kona, go ahead and grab your supper and come back and join us. There’s plenty of tequila and herb to go around.

  246. Kona, hang tough for what you need. You’re brilliant, and will shine anywhere. Don’t provoke, but don’t grovel. You’re worth more than that.

  247. Sorry, but after reading “Ferengi bar propriortor” I’ve totally lost my appetite.

    I hope that wasn’t who was serving me shots all night.

    I thought it was Liss!

  248. Wait a goddamn minute. When do I provoke?

  249. So hey, folks, I’m officially a blogger now, with, oh, several posts up. Come visit, and comment, even if it’s bullshit. I need to know I exist 😉

  250. It takes two to tango. One has to feed, and one has to eat.

  251. beatgrl

    I must go pack soon. My band gets to play in the mountains tomorrow and the family and I are camping out.

  252. Yeah, that oh-so-pernicious groupthink that we must be ETERNALLY VIGILANT against!

  253. But sometimes, one doesn’t like to be fed shit, kona. 😉

  254. I mean at work. I’m just trying to fill in the blanks and advise lavel-headidness. ‘Course I could be off base…

  255. amish451

    “…without consulting me for my opinion …”

    ‘They’ almost never do …..sorry Kona ….

  256. Beatgrl, very cool, where? Sounds fun, play like you mean it! We The People are depending on you!

  257. Aww! The añejo will still be there when you get back. Break legs, beatgrl.

  258. Is it Friday? Oh, I’m sorry I thought it was still Wednesday.


    Why am I apologizing?

    Fuck you all. I thought it was Wednesday, and it’s FRIDAY.

    Not my fucking fault.

    But c’est la vie.

    Buenos Nachos.


  259. Nik E Poo

    …too hoppy for my tastes.

    My leaps tend to be flavorless.

  260. Nik E Poo, you lost me. I’m a bit addled from the night’s revelries…

  261. Flavorless? Uh… distilled water okay?

  262. Oh, heheh, “Hops, Leaps…” O, I’m in widdit!

  263. goddam typos, I’ll be flingin’ Molotovs with Kona pretty soon here…

  264. Good beers has a flavor.

  265. Nik E Poo

    When I used to home brew … I love me a nice dark oatmeal stout or ginger stout … but my absolute fav … was a coriander honey beer (not technically a mead because I used beer yeast).

  266. Nik E Poo

    My rule of thumb was to pretty much always double the hops. Well, except for that coriander beer. Light sweet … smelled like flowers.

  267. Good beers has opacity. If you can’t drink it with a knife and fork, it ain’t worth your time.

    (Not actually that much of a beer snob, though I likes me some dark chewy beer. In the real world, I drink Dos Equis. Speaking of, I love their new ad campaign. Finally there’s a beer ad where the men aren’t too stupid to pour piss out a boot with instructions printed on the heel.)

  268. North Cascades National Park. Should be a fun day. Link to my site above.

  269. SAP

    More beer, please. Then I shall fall down.

    Which makes perfect sense, considering that I can’t get this stupid portable hard drive to work.

  270. Melissa McEwan

    My word, the pub is hopping tonight!

    I’m not the beer-drinker at Shakes Manor (and I bet you can guess who is), but I’m enjoying the conversation.

    Carry on. I’m back to my White Russian…

  271. Nik E Poo

    Good beers has opacity.

    I made “Ray Charles Beer” once … you could hold that in front of a high beam and see nothing.

  272. If you can’t drink it with a knife and fork, it ain’t worth your time.

    Agreed, though I do likes me some hoppy beers, and some of them are pretty damn translucent.

  273. *draws a beer for SAP* This one’s on us. Drink up.

  274. beatgrl, just checked out your site and the first audio clip,and it totally rocked

    1 Sounds like fun music, hope you enjoy yourself as much as your audiences will!


  275. SAP

    *drinks deep, falls down*

    Wow, someone redid the ceiling in here, too. That mural of Republican Love Bunker is really detailed, right down to the nipple clamps and falafel.

  276. Hi there, M McE! Pleased to be in your abode! Any more skype chats scheduled? I went out and bought a mic…

  277. *tests the beer she drew for SAP* I don’t -think- there’s mescaline in it…

  278. you may not know right away…

  279. Well, virtual mescaline may not have the same detectability…

  280. SAP

    Wow, who knew Bill O’Reilly had a third … wait, that’s the fire detector. Never mind.

    That’s really good beer.

  281. ‘s the trouble with psychotropics, you never know quite where you’re at…

  282. cunningrunt, I checked out your site too. Try to optimize your photos for the web before posting them. Some of us poor folk get by on dial-up. I want to see the “gawd-I-love-this place” pics.

    Melissa still here?

  283. SAP

    Did someone say “virtual mescaline”? That stuff will really mess you up. I tried some once, and ended up writing a 150,000 novel before I realized that I had no idea what I was writing. That’s when I forgot how I was going to end it and gave it up.

  284. SAP, I have a friend with one nut and three nipples. Was that the kind of thing you were referring to?

  285. Nik E Poo


  286. virtual mescaline? maybe I’ll stick around a while longer…

  287. Huh. I’m stickin’ with my Old Admiral. Don’t want to mix my drinkables, ’cause that road leads to Perdition. Glad you like the beer, SAP. Lemme know if you need anything down there, pillow, eyewash kit, whatever. We’re a full-service establishment, we are.

  288. SAP

    As a side note, the same thing happens when you post too many LOLcat pictures, except the novel ends up in L337 speak.

    It’s really comfortable here on the floor.

    Hey. did someone move Misty’s whip from its usual spot behind the bar? She really hates it when people use her stuff and don’t return it.

  289. beatgrl, sorry they didn’t show up for you. I’m a Bloob (a blog-noob) so I’m on a learning curve.

    So, what? try to reduce the file size?

  290. …and speaking of Bloobs, how do I post links in this comment thread? Any suggestions?

  291. Ooooh, mercy, I’m back.

    What’d I miss?

  292. SAP


    Yeah, except for Bill-O, that would imply that he had nuts to begin with.

    Thanks for the beer, Moira. I like the little sparkles in it. Just like the bottle of Atlantis wine in brought for the post-Spartacus orgy, only headier. I could use a pillow, though. My head is on someone’s feet and they’re not really complaining, which is beginning to unnerve me, cuz I know how some people are into feet and all that, and I usually have to insist that they wash their feet first.

    Cuz cheesy toes are no one’s friends.

  293. BRB, gotta go check on BG and Cap’n Dyke…

  294. Try <a href="">Bloob</a>, Cunning.

  295. Too many initials!

    This deep into the speed rack, spell, please!

  296. *sets out a Corona Light with a lime wedge for Tata* SAP got the Very Old And Peculiar tonight, and he’s talking about feet. I’m told mine are pretty, but for purposes of the Public House, I’m in boots. They ain’t mine. 🙂

  297. Hmm, I tried to put up a How To Link Things quick primer, but it disappearded. Damn that Very Old and Peculiar anyway.

  298. Beer? Keen!

    Thanks, Moira!

  299. Nik E Poo

    What the hay … I’d like me a Rogue’s Shakespeare Stout.

  300. Linkitude:

    <a href=”URL”>Words</a>

  301. How to link stuff:

    <a href=”URL”>Words</a>

  302. SAP

    Ohhhhh, that makes perfect sense, cuz I’m kinda old and peculiar myself.

    And those are nice boots, Moira.

    Well, I gotta jet. Some big ape just showed up in the real and is threatening to take me to a place where the beer isn’t peculiar, but the red-headed woman are. Whatever that means.

    Toodles. 🙂

  303. Shit, WordPress thinks I’m a spambot. I too tried to put up how to link stuff and it no worky.

  304. *draws a pint of the stout and sets it behind the bar* You can have that in a couple minutes when it’s settled down a bit.

  305. Melissa McEwan

    Melissa still here?


  306. PortlyDyke

    And hey, Moira, it must be that echo chamber those rape apologists were so certain existed. 🙂 LOL

    I’m back from “work” — and no, kona — it wasn’t sex (more’s the pity).

    I’m way worse than a prostitute — I’m a teacher! Oh, the horror!

  307. PortlyDyke

    Moira — is my drink gone?

  308. Nik E Poo

    Despite being a warm beer drinker … I’m ashamed to say … I’m not a big fan of head … so I pour extra super careful. And that Guinness can that creates head when you pop the top? … I fuckin hate that thing.

  309. And I fear you’ll have to find someone else to pour. It’s been lovely, but I’m about to fall over and start drooling into the keyboard, and that’s so rarely as attractive as you’d think it would be.

    G’night, y’all. Surfing safety. 🙂

  310. Melissa McEwan

    I’m not a big fan of head

    That’s what she said.

  311. PortlyDyke

    Oh, and now that I’m off work — Give me shooter and a Miller Lite (in solidarity with my bud-drinking friend up there).

  312. Melissa, I was wondering if there was a story behind your decision to drop the Shakespeare’s Sister pen name?

  313. We are but ciphers.

  314. Oops! Nope, one Virgin Mary, still here. I didn’t have to stab anybody, it was all good.

  315. PortlyDyke

    Then pour a double shot of Stolly into that previously-Virgin-Mary — and NO ONE, I repeat NO ONE accuse me of being a rape-apologist!

  316. Scratch that. Miller Lite and a shot of Jim Beam. Leaving! Sleep now. Buh-bye. 🙂

  317. Holy shit! I leave for a while and come back and there’s like 300 comments! And not all are konagod. I need beers after reading all those. Anything stout that was brewed in Ireland, please.

  318. PortlyDyke

    Sleep well, brave Moira.

  319. Looks like I missed out on a lively session of mayhem.

  320. ‘Night, Moira!

    Let’s say we casually bartend. I’ll get a handful, then someone else will pour a few –

  321. PortlyDyke

    Phydeaux, Moira just abandoned her post.

    I snuck a bottle of Beamish in — have some *glug,glug,glug*

  322. We are but ciphers.

    Hey, one more robot wants to be something more than a machine.

  323. Nighty night, Moira!


  324. Melissa McEwan

    Melissa, I was wondering if there was a story behind your decision to drop the Shakespeare’s Sister pen name?

    Well, everyone in the free world knew my name by the end of the Edwards debable (not that I’d ever tried to keep it much of a secret), so it just seemed pointless to keep it. Plus, I was just increasingly uncomfortable sharing my name with a blog that had turned into a huge community way bigger than any one person. Hence Shakesville and the jettisoning of the moniker. 🙂

  325. ‘Sup, Jack! You’re not gonna tell me to fuck off, are you? (Yeah, I read that whole thread – wow)

  326. Shots all around, then?

    Name your poisons!

  327. And I mean ‘wow’ in a supportive manner, not an apologetic one!

  328. You’re not gonna tell me to fuck off, are you?

    I might tell you to funk off. 😉

  329. PortlyDyke

    Shot here.

  330. PortlyDyke

    Please, and thank you, please.

  331. PortlyDyke

    Oh, and watch out for me once I get a few of these under my belt — I’m inflexible, unyielding, and mean, dontcha know.

  332. …rock on…Who else?

  333. Hey, now, Jack. I done took me shower this week!

  334. Where’s that Cunning Runt? He was here earlier. Not that the current company isn’t wonnerful.

  335. No shots for me. I’m happy with my tea. 🙂

  336. Melissa McEwan

    …rock on…Who else?

    Moi, please.

  337. Nik E Poo

    That’s what she said.

    OMG! Thats sooo mullety.

  338. Happy to help, lovey.

    Who else? And what else?

  339. Melissa McEwan

    OMG! Thats sooo mullety.

    LOL. It’s from The Office.

  340. Liss, PD, Ph, jack, Nik –

    Here ya go. One for me.


    Who’d like to pour now?

  341. PortlyDyke

    I’ll pour for a bit, if it’s not too brash of me. Don’t know how long I’ll last.

  342. It’s so nice to be able to comment at will. (what? there’s no one named will here!)
    Thanks, Melissa, excuse me, O Worshipfulness, for doing that voodoo that you do so well and fixing the prob.

  343. PortlyDyke

    ‘night Tata

  344. Nik E Poo

    Shots all around, then?

    I’d like a shot of Don Julio. I know some people think Patron is “the shit” … but for me … its either Don Julio or Herradura. Everything else is crap. Unless I’m drunk … in which case … it doesn’t matter one damn bit.

    Oh, and watch out for me once I get a few of these under my belt — I’m inflexible, unyielding, and mean, dontcha know.

    IST don’t get Nik E Poo drunk around “macho” guy types. Its mui bad.

  345. Melissa McEwan

    Thanks, Melissa, excuse me, O Worshipfulness, for doing that voodoo that you do so well and fixing the prob.

    It was my pleasure. Thanks for the slaughtered calf.

  346. PortlyDyke

    A shot of Don Julio for the Nik E Pooster. (I’m already feeling this shit!)

  347. Ooh, I’d like a shot of the most premium of premium vodkas, please?

  348. I know it’s late, but I’d like to put on a little music to converse to. I’m really in the mood for blues, so Billie Holiday shall be our guide, followed by Mr King. The jukebox has spoken.

  349. Nik E Poo

    Nice clip. I’ve never seen that show. I’m not a fan of that particular style of humor … but that scene was funny.

  350. Wow, first time I’ve been moderated at Shakes! This is momentous!

  351. Nik E Poo


  352. Anyway, blues anyone? I thought so.

  353. PortlyDyke

    Will Armadale do, Phydeaux?

  354. PortlyDyke

    *Another Don Julio for Nik E*

  355. Why certainly, PD! Spaceba!

  356. I’ll take one more shot of anejo. Kona stole my last one

  357. Okay, I know that Indiana’s all weird about Daylight Saving Time and all, but why is the comment clock on Mountain Time?

  358. PortlyDyke

    *pouring Phydeaux a shot — no a double shot — of Armadale *

    Oh, Jack, I hope this doesn’t lessen your opinion of me.

  359. Nik E Poo

    Maybe I’ll sip this one. It is tasty.

    Oh screw it.



  360. Okay, simmer down. B.B. wants you to help the poor.

    Help poor me!

    Help pour? Hehe

  361. PortlyDyke

    Anejo coming up for beatgrl — sliding it down the bar and keeping a watchful eye.

  362. PortlyDyke

    Nik E — another?

  363. Oh, Jack, I hope this doesn’t lessen your opinion of me.

    [lifts questioning eyebrow] How so?

  364. Jack, teasing us with BB and no linkage! 😦

  365. PortlyDyke

    Jack — Plying all these poor sods with booze.

  366. Nik E Poo

    Hmmm … oh what the heck … sure … we’re all friends here right?

  367. Melissa McEwan

    Okay, I know that Indiana’s all weird about Daylight Saving Time and all, but why is the comment clock on Mountain Time?

    LOL! I’m working on it. 😛

  368. PortlyDyke

    Another Julio for Nik E Poo it is.

  369. My sod shall not be plied! And it’s nice and green, btw.

  370. Aw, nothing wrong with boozing. 🙂

    And I checked, Phydeaux, no Youtubey goodness from B.B. A lot of covers, but that’s not near good enough.

  371. PortlyDyke

    LOL phydeaux! My sod shall not be plied either. I vow it.

  372. And is it just me, or is this blog on Mountain time?

  373. The thrill is indeed gone, Jack.

  374. Oops, I totally repeated Phydeaux. Haha!

  375. Nik E Poo

    So, now that we’re all relaxed and shit … and we are after all … in a XXX Adult Pub. I’m curious. Why the poop do so many people (particularly in the US) associate being “naughty” or “bad” with sexiness or arousal?

    For the life of me … I just don’t get it. Maybe I’m just weird.

  376. Nik E Poo


  377. PortlyDyke

    Oh, you’re not weird Nik E — you’re just a perv according to US standards. Rest easy.

  378. PortlyDyke

    See, if you get an erection, that’s “bad”, and if you get wet, that’s “bad”, except if you are about to make a Christian child, the that’s “good”.

    Have you got it now?

  379. Nik E Poo, ’tis all because of our Pilgrim founders and the Protestant denial of sexuality, if’n I remember my book larnin’ correctly.

  380. PortlyDyke

    OH shit! Have I overstepped my barkeep bounds!?!?

  381. Ms. Dyke said it better than I.

  382. PortlyDyke

    Am I satan!?!

  383. OH shit! Have I overstepped my barkeep bounds!?!?

    Fuck, no! Bartenders are supposed to espouse wisdom and shit!

  384. Melissa McEwan

    And is it just me, or is this blog on Mountain time?

    I kill you now.

  385. Nik E Poo

    … you’re just a perv according to US standards …

    I’ll take that as a compliment.

    Grats … and

    hey is Jambo!

  386. Have you got it now?

    Wait, what happens if I get wet? 😉

  387. I kill you now.

    Sweet sweet, deserved death!

  388. PortlyDyke

    *leaving a shot of Julio on the bar for Nik E, if it’s desired*

  389. Nik E Poo

    Have you got it now?

    I’m a little slow … as I have, in reality, had a Rogue. I guess I see it. But it is just incomprehensible to me.

    Bartenders are supposed to espouse wisdom and shit!

    And hairdressers!

  390. James Brown wants you to turn on ya funk motor.

  391. PortlyDyke

    Jack, if you get wet, we pool our mad gender transitional skills and I father your child.

  392. Nik E Poo

    … shot of Julio …

    Indeed! I’ve got a virtual iron stomach.

  393. So, years ago, a friend from Krakow (that’s Poland for those edumacated in the US of A) shared with me some absolutely wonderful vodka. He said it was the ultimate in Polish distillery. I wish I could remember the brand. Any help from you Shakers?

  394. PortlyDyke

    *pouring* for Nik E Poo

  395. I guess I see it. But it is just incomprehensible to me.
    You should feel honored by that lack of comprehension.

  396. PortlyDyke

    Phydeaux — there are a lot of vodkas that you can’t get in the US that you could have gotten there — the best Polich I’ve had is Polmos, but this doesn’t mean that it’s the best in Poland.

  397. Hmm, well, Belvedere is from Poland, right? I heard it was good, but I don’t think it’s all that old. I don’t know though.

  398. And I’m deeply honored, PortlyDyke. Our lovechild might very well be the Antichrist though. Hehe!

  399. Guess the only way to find out is to try them all, huh?

  400. PortlyDyke

    Oh Jack — I haven’t damaged my reputation with you after all (sigh! batting eyelashes)!

    I get to be on top.

  401. Kate217

    Don’t worry about it, Jack. If it is, the Minions of Evil will likely lose it in a baby switch, royally screwing up the Apocalypse.

    OK, I’m really going home to the kitties now.

  402. PortlyDyke

    Yes, phydeaux, I think you’re right — the only way that we can approach this is to be logical and reasonable, and to drink all of the possible vodkas that have arisen from all of the possible regions of the world.

  403. Nik E Poo

    Our lovechild might very well be the Antichrist though.

    Good God no! Anything that dissolves the lines separating people is good … evil comes from that which seeks to divide and exclude. Unless your point was … that an Anti-Christ would be a good thing … in which case …. um … er

    where was I?

    Oh yeah.

    A votre sante!

  404. I don’t know if my combined Irish and Russian heritage can handle all that drinkin’, but I’m sure as shit willing to give it a try! 😀

  405. Nik E Poo

    I get to be on top.

    Why did I know that, before you said it?

  406. PortlyDyke

    *pouring one more for Nik E Poo and calling a cab*

    OK, darlings — this is last call for me — I’m hanging up my apron in precisely 14 minutes, cause I’m eddicatin’ people tomorrow.

    Someone take over the pour, please, or I’ll simply bid you a fuzzy, furry g’night.

  407. hmmm, naughty…

    yep, that word has sexy connotations to me.

    please don’t say that makes me a rape apologist. (sorry! oh dear lets not go there!)

    Naughty means not defering to puritanical standards of our culture.

    We don’t call actual bad stuff “naughty” around here, do we? Lets see, examples..
    #1 Oh, you are wearing your naughty underwear tonight!
    #2 That naughty administration has really fucked things up over there!

  408. Nik E Poo

    G’night PortlyDyke! and thanks for the fish!

  409. PortlyDyke

    Ur most welcome, Nik E Poo

  410. PortlyDyke

    *whispers* Jack — my place — 15 minutes

  411. Have a good night, PD, and all you Shakers – apologists or not! I better get me some sleep too if’n I’m gonna drink my way around the world! Da Svidanya!

  412. Nik E Poo

    #1 Oh, you are wearing your naughty underwear tonight!

    In that case … it seems like naughty is primarily used as a replacement for sexy … without any particular naughtiness involved. For me, skimpy, revealing or otherwise hot clothing … isn’t naughty … its sexy. But maybe thats all just semantics.

    To me, naughty would be more like the forbidden fruit theory … or social deviance … then again … one persons deviance is another’s _____ (something can’t think of a good word).

  413. Fuzziness indeed! G’night, PD!

  414. Ooo, I’ll sneak in the back, PD! 🙂

  415. r@d@r

    holy god, 435 comments? is there any virtual booze left?

    i’ll have a double nyquil with a schooner of listerine back.

    has f?!king konagod made his f?!king appearance yet? i’m too lazy to browse the thread.

    i need this drink – “The ‘L’ Word” is on.

  416. PortlyDyke

    *pouring my last drink of the night*

    Double nyquil, listerene back.

  417. Okay, I’m still up and sober, so I’ll bartend, here’s that particular specialty, r@d@r, though I was unsure which flavor NyQuil was desired. (It’s cherry). The Listerine is, of course, blue mint.

  418. Ooo, r@d@r gets a double! That groupthink is working overtime tonight.

  419. PortlyDyke

    Jack, Ur a GOD! Blue mint! Don’t stay too long tending bar — we’ll miss that antichrist thing.

  420. r@d@r

    JG, you just about read my f?!king mind! stop that!

  421. r@d@r

    i wonder if mister shakes has any more of those stogies?

  422. PortlyDyke

    r@d@r — it’s witchcraft. Ooooo!

    Now, really going to bed.

    Bringing laughter to wage slaves everywhere.

  423. r@d@r

    wow, comments is auto-formatting my name as if it was a mailto:URL. that’s weird.

  424. r@d@r

    wow, they’re having a vegan guilt moment. i love this show!

  425. Well, I’ve got a meeting with PD that cannot wait, so I shall bow out. Have a good night all. It’s been fun!

  426. r@d@r

    [noticing that he is now completely alone, r@d@r jumps over the bar and proceeds to eat all the olives, washing them down with more shots of cherry nyquil.]

  427. SAP

    Hey, who ate all the olives?!? Now how am I supposed to have a midnight martini?

    I swear, I step out for five minutes …

  428. SAP

    Wow! 450+ comments and nary a troll to be seen. Happy days are here again.

    Oh, well might as well go to bed. Just as soon as I liberate this bottle of Lago Azul Almond Tequila no one found …

  429. I am NOT a “mysogynistic sizist.” I’m just an observer who speaks bluntly and openly.

    Now, morning is here. EVERYBODY get up off the floor, put your clothes on, and let’s get to work cleaning up this DUMP.

    I need volunteers to be fly wranglers and help me get the two dozen or so black flies back outside.

    For your help, I will offer you the leftover pizza which sat out all night and I’m sure the flies were on it, but you’ll never know the difference.

  430. Mmmmm… leftover pizza. I’m in. Pass the mop.

  431. Are those my pants?

  432. Having read this thead, I am offering up my most sincere apologies to anyone (Kate particularly) who I offended with my beyond-the-usual crassness and offensiveness. I had high anxiety and apprehension which I hauled home from work and rather than relax in the pub as I usually do, and which everyone else here has the right to do, I was way too edgy to even be here. I should have vented on my own damn blog where no one would see it.

    When JackGoff is telling me to cool my jets, I know I had soared over the edge.


  433. Kate217

    Kona, I apologize in advance for being a killjoy, but I really need to say this. Please understand that I don’t bear you any ill will. I’m new here and maybe shoud just keep quiet, but I’d like you to think about what I have to say.

    I know that you were just kidding, but to a fat woman in Western culture “fatass bitch” is an extremely loaded and demoralizing term. (Any “loaded ass’ jokes will affirm that the joker is suffering from arrested development and dismissed as puerile.) I am well aware that you didn’t mean to be offensive, but as long as society unblinkingly accepts demeaning talk based on physical characteristics (I consider race, sex, and gender identification to fall within that category as well as things like size, hair/eye color, etc.), there are those among us who will be relegated to second-class status for superficial reasons.

    Opie and Andy were “just kidding,” too.

  434. Kate217

    Ooh, Kona, simultaneous typing. i hope it was good for you. (Of course you won’t be able to see my post until it gets moderated…)

    I hope that things look up for you soon. I know exactly what it’s like to be treated as if invisible at work.

  435. Kate217

    OK, the post that was awaiting moderation seems to have disappeared. Let me try this again.

    Kona, I apologize in advance for being a killjoy, but I really need to say this. Please understand that I don’t bear you any ill will. I’m new here and maybe shoud just keep quiet, but I’d like you to think about what I have to say.

    I know that you were just kidding, but to a fat woman in Western culture “fatass bitch” is an extremely loaded and demoralizing term. (Any “loaded ass’ jokes will affirm that the joker is suffering from arrested development and dismissed as puerile.) I am well aware that you didn’t mean to be offensive, but as long as society unblinkingly accepts demeaning talk based on physical characteristics (I consider race, sex, and gender identification to fall within that category as well as things like size, hair/eye color, etc.), there are those among us who will be relegated to second-class status for superficial reasons.

    Opie and Andy were “just kidding,” too.

  436. Ivory Bill Woodpecker

    Quoth Mr. Cohen: “We’re busted in the blinding lights of closing time, closing time…” 🙂

  437. Geez Louise, Kate, I hope you aren’t around next time I go off about having some fat very large Negro black bitchez women wailing in my kitchen! I didn’t apologize for the “fatass bitch” remark because it wasn’t coming from anywhere negative. I was however, concerned about an excessive amount of “fuck yous” and the general tone of my discourse which I recognized as being negative and coming from a place other than my usual happy spot.

    And knowing that you were new, I realized the aforementioned remark was obviously taken as a personal insult, even though it wasn’t even in reference to you.

    Nobody is ever relegated to second-class status by me, and my frequent use of bad words is unlikely to abate. I suppose at some point I’ll be having this discussion again when some skinny white-trash red-haired green-eyed fucker takes offense.

    bad words

  438. Damn you to hell, konagod! 😀

  439. Nik E Poo

    I hope you aren’t around next time I go off about having some fat very large Negro black bitchez women wailing in my kitchen

    … or better yet … just don’t do it.

  440. Oh I’ll continue doing it. But I’ll try to keep it in the privacy of my own kitchen with the Ella CDs blaring, and you folks can sit around on Friday night having a 100% politically-correct party. Enjoy.

    And I’m wondering what happened to my strikethrus. The showed up in preview but were not in the above post.

  441. Nik E Poo

    Nobody is ever relegated to second-class status by me, and my frequent use of bad words is unlikely to abate.

    Thats sad. Your use of this type of language is offensive to me … but I guess I just scroll … because I’m not a mediator. If I were to experience this from you in person, you would get a tongue lashing and a good look at my back as I walked out the door.

    I suppose at some point I’ll be having this discussion again when some skinny white-trash red-haired green-eyed fucker takes offense.

    Once again showing that you yourself see the race and social status, of people talking to you, as relevant … while insisting that everyone else ignore your own.

  442. What I’m tired of are people who don’t make a dinstinction between malicious intent and tongue-in-cheek ribbing. But whatever. I’ve never come here to insult or offend anyone — aside from some well-deserving trolls.

    I guess we all get offended by different things. Language is not on my hot list. Knowing that somewhere, someone is driving a Prius to the grocery store to buy one item and then insisting it be put in a plastic bag is offensive. Someone smiling and being cordial towards a black or gay person while quietly harboring abhorrence is offensive to me. Getting roasted by true friends doesn’t bother me a bit.

    An intoxicated ribald cracker hippie faggot sitting around drinking tequila on a Friday night playing N.W.A. — and sometimes stepping into character — while awaiting a posse of big-boned black women jazz singers to “show up at the door,” is obviously a sublevel of humor appreciated by few and deemed offensive by many.

    Thanks for your honesty though.

  443. I think the point that Kate and Nik make, kona, is that the phrases “fatass bitch” and the n-word can be reclaimed from their history amidst the oppression of both women and black people, but not by you. I hope you take the criticism as not us wanting to be “politically-correct” but because it’s the right thing to do.

  444. I haven’t been to the Virtual Pub in weeks. So, so busy.

    And now I’m two days late, but since it was so fucking hot here in CT this weekend, I made a pitcher of summer beer.

  445. the oppression of both women and black people

    I should also add the oppression of those who do not fit our culture’s view of what people’s bodies should look like.

  446. I made an overlarge batch of my iced tea with lemon, though it really wasn’t all that hot here in Jersey today. Just humid and sticky.

    Pitcher’s on the counter, though the tea is JackGoff-appropriate, so you’ll all have to add your own goodness if you need a drop.

  447. JackGoff, I disagree. It’s all bullshit and none of you are getting my point apparently. We’re all colorless and fatless in the blogosphere.

    I’m going to shed no more blood over it in this venue. It WAS fun for awhile.

  448. Hello maurinsky! Missed ya! Enjoy the summer beer.

  449. Liss will be sorry she bookended this one with “XXX.”


  450. “The universe is expanding.”

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