Spiritual, Political, and Fucking Nutz

Guffaw:

Florida evangelist Bill Keller says he was making a spiritual—not political—statement when he warned the 2.4 million subscribers to his Internet prayer ministry that “if you vote for Mitt Romney, you are voting for Satan!”

The funniest thing about that to me is that the obviously political statement is being defended as “spiritual,” when it’s about as “spiritual” as the hateful taunt of a playground bully. But he tacked on “Satan” to the end of it, so voila!—spiritudiness! These charlatans don’t even have to incorporate a microscopic bit of actual religion even tenuously resembling familiar Christian doctrine to be called “spiritualists” anymore. Just call someone you don’t like “Satan” instead of, say, “an idiot,” or invoke any old vaguely domineering apparition and slap the name “God” on it, and Shadrach’s your uncle. It’s so empty, so hollow. I mean, if Keller’s statement is spiritual, then my blog’s a fucking bible and I’m a bloody goddess.

Keller, 49, who has a call-in show on a Tampa television station and a Web site called Liveprayer.com, on May 11 sent out a “daily devotional” that called Romney “an unabashed and proud member of the Mormon cult founded by a murdering polygamist pedophile named Joseph Smith nearly 200 years ago.” If the former Massachusetts governor wins the GOP nomination and the presidency, Keller’s message added, it will “ultimately lead millions of souls to the eternal flames of hell.”

My word! These protestants today—I just don’t understand them. I mean, back when I was being raised a proper Missouri Synod Lutheran, we might have believed that those radical Wisconsin Synod heathens were paving the road to hell with their extremist modern hymnals, but we never would have said it aloud! Heavens to Mergatroid.

In all seriousness, Keller’s completely bonkers.

I mean, I would advise anyone with a smidgeon of compassion to vote against Romney, too, but a lake of hellfire doesn’t figure into the calculation. I’m less concerned about damned souls than hungry bellies and untreated toothaches—and all the rest of the social aches and pains the neediest among us inevitably unnecessarily suffer under Republican leadership.

Anyway, the Americans United for Separation of Church and State has petitioned the IRS to revoke the 501(c)(3) tax-exempt status of Bill Keller Ministries, and Keller responded by uttering what one can only hope are some famous last words: “Let them come after me for making a spiritual statement about Mitt Romney. I would love that. Bring it on.”

Go get’m, Barry Lynn.

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25 Comments

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25 responses to “Spiritual, Political, and Fucking Nutz

  1. But darlin’, you are a goddess.

  2. Heh. spiritudiness

    That’s a good word. I’ve got lots of spiritudiness. I’ve even got spiristudliness because of my M.Div!

    And Missouri Synod Lutheran, huh? Well, that explains a lot.

  3. shen

    “I mean, if Keller’s statement is spiritual, then my blog’s a fucking bible and I’m a bloody goddess.”

    errr, wait. do you mean…. you mean you aren’t…. its not…….

    NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo……..

  4. Bitty

    I say Barry Lynn has more work than he can handle! I just don’t get how all these “religious” groups and individuals play politics from the pulpit and then get tax exemptions.

  5. shen

    hey the drag and drop copy did some wild stuff up there. it also removed my “vader voice” tags. guess those aren’t standard HTML….

  6. We worship, thee, O QCoFM. We are unworthy of even groveling at thy feet.
    🙂

  7. Melissa McEwan

    But darlin’, you are a goddess.

    LOL! This would be one zany world if I were.

    “Hey, check out all the unicorns! …What happened to the Republicans?”

  8. What sorts of sacrifices are appropriate, Your Divinity? I know a guy who can get slightly used virgins for less than wholesale!

  9. larkohio

    Mitt is too conservative for me, but I really doubt that voting for him would be voting for Satan. I think there is a lot of bias presented by the Evangelical crowd, because others do not worship God like they want us to. They are so convinced that they are the only ones who will go to heaven because they know how to worship God correctly. I say, baloney to them!

  10. Melissa McEwan

    I say, baloney to them!

    Hey, watch the language, Lark. You know I don’t go in for that sort of thing. 😉

  11. larkohio

    Oh yeah, Melissa!

  12. nightshift66

    I believe I’ve mentioned before that Mitt cannot win in the South. This joker is just the one who was dumb enough to put it in writing. Keller may be bonkers, but he is representative of the GOP base in the South. No way in hell are they voting Romney, at least in the primaries. And if he gets the nomination, enough of them will stay home to flip at least 2 states down here Blue.

  13. Of course Shakes is a Goddess!

  14. Doktor Wankenstein

    Never mind all that Mormon nonsense, I’m waiting for the first Rastafari president!

    And you are a goddess. 🙂

  15. Kate217

    Well, Liss, it appears that your divinity has been established. I think you have more believers than the Flying Spaghetti Monster (although maybe not as many as Cthulu – but since you tend not to acutally eat us, you have the edge there, too).

  16. PortlyDyke

    *raising hand shyly*

    I’m a believer.

    I couldn’t leave her if I tried. :”>

  17. Melissa McEwan

    but since you tend not to acutally eat us, you have the edge there, too

    LOL!

  18. bjalder26

    Bill Keller is a nut, he doesn’t represent the South, he only represents nuts. He is only making this extremely crazy statement to get attention to bring in more money to his “ministry”.

  19. bjalder26

    Bill Keller is a salesman-turned inside trader-turned minister. He got his degree in biblical studies while serving a 3 year sentence for insider trading. His ministry is just his newest scam; don’t send this guy any money.

  20. Melissa McEwan

    don’t send this guy any money

    No worries. I won’t, lol.

  21. nightshift66

    bjalder,
    I didn’t say Keller represented the South, but “the base of the GOP in the South.” Contrary to popular opinion, those groups are not identical.

    And I stand by my assertion that Romney will not win in the South in the primaries, and would lose at least 2 southern states that Bush carried in the general election.

  22. Kate217

    I like to think of myself as fairly tolerant and non-judgemental; however, I just can’t see myself voting for someone whose religion has a basic tenet that women can’t get into heaven unless their husbands do. I don’t want a man who believes in codified mysogyny running the country or appointing judges. I’m bitchy that way.

  23. Barry Lynn

    Oh, I will try. Sadly, a segment of “Hardball” tonight with the good Rev. and I was cancelled because of some breaking news. If you have seen Keller’s website, you know he has been on the Howard Stern show a few times. Since Howard once brokered a truce between East and West Coast rappers, perhaps he could bring the two of us together.

    Anyway, thanks for your comments!

  24. Melissa McEwan

    Howard once brokered a truce between East and West Coast rappers, perhaps he could bring the two of us together.

    😆

  25. “[I]f Keller’s statement is spiritual, then my blog’s a fucking bible and I’m a bloody goddess goddess.”

    Don’t fish for compliments, hon. just do your thing and let recognition come in the natural course of things.

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