Bloated Republican Party shot by boy, 11

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WASHINGTON – The Republican Party, bloated by corruption, failure, ego and arrogance, was shot today by 11-year-old Jamison Stone in Alabama.”It feels really good,” Jamison said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press. “It’s a good accomplishment. I probably won’t ever kill anything else that big.”

Jamison said he shot the huge political party eight times with a .50-caliber revolver and chased it for three hours through hilly woods before finishing it off with a point-blank shot.


Witnesses say the GOP fought for its life until the very end, desperately trying to make deals with lobbyists and attempting to funnel lucrative government contracts to its pals.”It really didn’t want to die,” said a witness. “It was bleeding pretty bad and staggering, but it was still trying to pass a tax cut for oil companies, when it just started wailing something about voter fraud and then dropped.”

In keeping with its will, the carcass of the GOP will be burned in front of starving families and its ashes blown into the eyes of minorities.

The GOP’s head is being mounted by Jerry Cunningham of Jerry’s Taxidermy.

“It’s huge,” he said. “It’s just the biggest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Friends and relatives of the GOP could not be reached for comment.

–WKW

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13 Comments

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13 responses to “Bloated Republican Party shot by boy, 11

  1. Melissa McEwan

    Fucking hilarious!

  2. bluestockingsrs

    Yeah, that is pretty fucking high-larious!

  3. OMFSM, that was hi-larious!!!!

  4. Creatively spun, WKW.

    But truth be told, I couldn’t be sadder. Pigs are really, really smart, and that grand old animal tried for three hours to get away from that homicidal fucking brat.

    That magnificent animal died for the amusement of a kid to whom it was nothing more than a fun game. And he’ll spend the rest of his life trying to beat that thrill.

    I wonder what this Great White Hunter will find to top that?

  5. Rottweiler

    Sad. The heartless slaughter of that animal is so disturbing on many levels. Judging by interviews, his killer appears to be an inbred imbecile of gigantic proportions. I never find senseless killing of God’s helpless creatures to be a manly sport. I hope the remorseless little braggart is haunted by nightmares forever.

  6. JoshWatermanMN

    But truth be told, I couldn’t be sadder. Pigs are really, really smart, and that grand old animal tried for three hours to get away from that homicidal fucking brat.

    I am glad to read that I am not the only person to think that when I read the story (although I admit, my first thought was, “That’s Some Pig!”). Was the boar running around, devouring small children? Probably not. Poor pig was rooting about, minding his own business, when Bubba decided to engage in a sport more thrilling than boning his sister.

    I hope the remorseless little braggart is haunted by nightmares forever.

    Or that the pig has several bigger brothers and sisters, bent on avenging his death redneck style. >:)

  7. A highway in my neck of the woods (literally) has road signs that caution drivers about wild boar crossing the road. It has an image of a tusked pig — similar to the deer crossing signs you typically see.

    They put up the signs after a man crashed into a large boar on his motorcycle. He was seriously injured and was hospitalized for weeks. The boar died.

  8. citizen

    cunning runt,
    exactly.

    Read the story. It’s even worse. Adults watched over this three hour sadist frenzy with actual hunting rifles that might have done the job with proper speed. But no, they had to let the sick child shoot the boar eight times with a fucking pistol.

    We are already in hell.

  9. Jeeze, I thought the image was Photoshoped!

    That really is sad for the pig.

  10. Pingback: RT: Boaring!

  11. That’s a nasty thing to say about the pig.

  12. Melissa McEwan

    This is a good post debunking the authenticity of that image. Looks like the family faked it; still a big hog, but not that big. Their appearance on “The Today Show” (!!!) has been cancelled. Wah wah wah.

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