Today in Inane Conversations

Tart: [Name of law firm where I work.]
Man: Hello, is [legal secretary] there?
Tart: She’s on the line. Would you like her voicemail?
Man: And how are you today?
Tart: I’m fine.
Man: Just fine? That’s it?
Tart: Yes.

Man: You have a very nice voice.
Tart: Thank you.
Man: Have you thought of going into radio? You should be in radio.
Tart: No, I haven’t.
Man: Would you like to be in radio? I have connections.
Tart: No, thank you. I’m a writer.
Man: That’s too bad. You have a very nice voice. I can get you into radio.
Tart: No, that’s okay.
Man: Are you sure you wouldn’t like to be in radio?
Tart’s Brain: Don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it-
Tart: I think I’ll be an exotic dancer.
Man: Heheheheheheheheh! Your husband and family wouldn’t like that very much, though!
Tart: Umm…can I help you, sir?

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41 Comments

Filed under 01_tart

41 responses to “Today in Inane Conversations

  1. That is even better than yesterday!!

    (I think he was hitting on you… I’m just sayin’)

    See, that’s because you were on the phone – If it were in person, he would have noticed you being “in the family way” and left you alone.

  2. Tart

    Ooh, you bitch!

  3. Random Guy

    I think this would be a good spot to plug this website, called “customers suck.” It’s retail and other service workers who rant and get off their chest really crappy customers.
    http://community.livejournal.com/customers_suck

  4. Nadai

    I sympathize completely – I’ve had two separate people, both strangers, tell me I have such a nice voice, I could make a lot of money doing phone sex. Um, no. But thanks. I think.

  5. burnt toast

    “Man: You have a very nice voice.

    Tart: Thank you.

    should have been: Thank you, I can connect you to her voicemail now, goodbye.

    You are not exercising your control. I find it difficult to feel sorry for you. I don’t think you are a victim.

  6. I always get called “maam” on the phone, or at a drive through.

    And yes, it pisses me off.

  7. so, what does your husband think?

  8. JoshNC

    I have that same problem, Ken, I get called Ma’am. It gets kid of annoying but it is kind of funny when they then see my face at the drive-in window and realize that I was not a ma’am.

  9. The odds are that the guy is a creepy pervert who was coming on to you.

    HOWEVER…

    …he could have been the president of a media empire and he really was blown away by your voice.

    Many famous actors, models, and others have been “discovered” like this.

    It is unlikely. But, I’m just sayin’…

  10. *flashbacks to her lawfirm days*

    I’ve had many conversations that were similar…..

  11. NonyNony

    Fritz –

    It doesn’t have to be an either-or. I’d be willing to believe that presidents of media empires could also be creepy perverts.

  12. You are not exercising your control. I find it difficult to feel sorry for you. I don’t think you are a victim.

    Where the fuck did Tart claim to be one?

  13. Tart

    I find it difficult to feel sorry for you. I don’t think you are a victim.

    I’m not asking anyone to feel sorry for me. God, I hope I don’t come off like that. I just thought this was funny.

  14. As someone who was a communications major:

    AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

    jeeebus h cristos, WHY couldn’t anyone with “connections” have called me… ever!

    Seriously, when you see the neice of the station manager getting 50k for degaussing tapes, while you are only allowed 30 hours a week at 8.5/hr (because if they gave you 31 hours they’d have to give you insurance and vacations too…) and then have Old White Men? telling Tart: “your voice is velvet and please let me get you a job in radio.”

    *just damn*

    And how are you today, Tart??

  15. Tart

    Well, gypsy, keep in mind that ‘radio’ could have been a euphamism for ‘porn.’

  16. Anonymous

    And how are you today, Tart??

    I’m okay. Work is less boring than it was yesterday and I have a cute, comfy dress on and my hair looks sort of cute, but I think my brain is atrophying and I’m totally broke until I get paid tomorrow.

    That’s the long answer!

  17. Tart

    Proof of brain atrophy: used the word ‘cute’ twice in the same sentence.

  18. SAP

    Your Tartiness,

    Yes, that is pretty much how I expected that conversation to go.

  19. Reba

    I’ve had that conversation a few times, though it rarely veered like that at the end. Of course, the last time was the head of the NPR station here, who most definitely was not hitting on me, so I chose to be flattered that he likes my voice.

    It used to happen a lot more before I started working in the office that investigates harassment. Go figure.

  20. burnt toast

    “I’m not asking anyone to feel sorry for me. God, I hope I don’t come off like that. I just thought this was funny.”

    This series starting with the post on the “do you know if it is a boy or girl?” (or the one previous) seems to be repeating a vicitm theme to me… or am I missing something?

    If you really do want people to treat you with more respect, then it might be a good idea to let us know that you are just trying to be funny… I would have passed on commenting. It appears very much to me that you are not exercising the control that is within your power.

    I don’t know you so can only assume from the topics and the content of your posts that you are unhappy about your job… is that funny to you? Please let me know. thanks

  21. Geez. Can’t a person just grump a little to let off steam without it becoming a personal and professional “crisis”?

    It’s like the internet equivalent of “smile!” followed by, “why are you so grumpy?” when the order isn’t received well.

    Does there have to be a big secret Reason behind Tart’s posts? Must they be this big Cry For Help? Can’t a person just complain now and then? To blow off steam and share gripes with friendly, like-minded folks?

    SHEESH!

  22. Tart

    I don’t believe my posts require “just trying to be funny” disclaimers any more than Melissa’s require “just trying to discuss the hypocrisies of our current administration” disclaimers. Interpret what I say the way you want to, but know this because I’m saying it now: I don’t perceive myself to be “a victim.”

    But. That young women are condescended to by older men is a fact. That these attitudes contribute to issues from the glass pay ceiling to a culture-wide lack of respect for women’s domestic work is something I believe to be true.

    I believe it’s important to let men know that it’s rather impolite to ask a woman who looks like she’s 4 months pregnant about her alleged fetus. Just like a friend stopped me from saying “that’s so gay” when I was 18. She was right; it was stupid and unnecessary.

    It is possible to feel annoyed by the little things and infuriated by the huge injustices of being a thinking woman, while maintaining levity and a sense of humor about the issues that don’t require marches and demonstrations (like silly comments at one’s workplace.) But I trust my readers to recognize which is which.

    And I’m quitting my job in 3 weeks. Which is not to say that when I go back to nannying, I won’t be vaguely sexually harassed in the kiddie park. And when I am, I will write about it, whether it’s funny or not.

  23. burnt toast

    “Geez. Can’t a person just grump a little to let off steam without it becoming a personal and professional “crisis”?”

    sure, I just didn’t recognize it as such… I can ignore her if that’s all it is. thanks

  24. Tart

    I can ignore her if that’s all it is.

    Ouch.

  25. burnt toast – if you weren’t sure this post was intended to be funny, I highly recommended some sort of remedial reading comprehension education.

  26. burnt toast

    It is possible to feel annoyed by the little things and infuriated by the huge injustices of being a thinking woman, while maintaining levity and a sense of humor about the issues that don’t require marches and demonstrations (like silly comments at one’s workplace.) But I trust my readers to recognize which is which.

    Oh… guess that’s an invitation not to read… okay, I get the hint. The fact is I have not been around people who complain about their jobs for over thirty years… I guess I no longer know the difference between someone who is just grousing and someone who is inviting serious feedback… grouse away.

  27. Tart

    A good friend of mine is a nanny for 5 kids under 8 years old. She loves them almost like they’re her own, but she’s slightly underpaid and her checks bounce about once a month, and the parents are disorganized and with 5 kids, disasters are nearly constant. She loves her job dearly, but when she calls me, exasperated with dealing with the responsibility that comes with holding a family that’s not hers together, I think she’s entitled. Bitching about one’s job is natural, and often has nothing to do with one’s enjoyment of it. I’m surprised anyone out there doesn’t know people who sometimes need to scream about theirs.

  28. Arkades

    I guess I no longer know the difference between someone who is just grousing and someone who is inviting serious feedback… grouse away.

    You honestly cannot distinguish between ‘people say weird stuff, let’s commiserate about it’ versus ‘help, people keep saying weird things to me and I need advice on how to make it stop’?

    Obtaining feedback, in the form of empowerment advice, wasn’t really the goal, at least according to my reading of the posting.

    Oh… guess that’s an invitation not to read… okay, I get the hint.

    While it’s not my place to speak another’s mind, I would tend think it was an indication not to take everything deadly seriously, rather than an admonishment not to participate.

  29. burnt toast

    “I’m surprised anyone out there doesn’t know people who sometimes need to scream about theirs.”

    Just as I’m surprised that you were only grousing about yours… like I said, we don’t know each other. One of my pet peeves was people I used to work with who groused about their jobs but never did anything about the conditions that caused them to grouch (either internally or externally). I could never really understand that… anyhow, I left corporate America to be self employed. Those who I have associated myself with for a very long while are all relatively happy to be employed in the fields they have chosen for themselves (mostly art related).

    To each their own, and now I know your motivation, I no longer feel the need to invest anymore than cursory attention to the steam you blow. best to you

  30. burnt toast

    “You honestly cannot distinguish between ‘people say weird stuff, let’s commiserate about it’ versus ‘help, people keep saying weird things to me and I need advice on how to make it stop’?”

    Guess it’s been too long… part of the them of Tart’s posts are along the line of “nobody really cares about me”… or at least tht’s how I read it. I don’t tend to ignore that message or blow it off as grouching. I get it now. thanks

  31. Maybe Burnt Toast is of the mind that feminists are not funny and that, therefore, Tart’s post could only be serious complaining.

  32. What… happened here? I check in to the “Ooh, a guy was vaguely creepy to me” post’s comment thread and it’s like I’m suddenly in a room of people arguing about what feminism is. Crazy!

    Tart – when I was a receptionist I got hit on all the time with the “you have a really nice voice” line. My boss would routinely tell me that his customers asked him what I look like. * When I said, “Do you tell them that I have long, curly red hair and that I weigh 400 pounds?” he would never answer me.

    *that sentence is grammar hell, I know.

  33. For what ever it’s worth, I am always happy to see a post with Tart’s tag at the top..

    I know it will be worth reading whether it is a simple musing on life, a feminist declaration, or simply a snarky little bit of fluff.

    Tart has style, Tart is smart, and I mostly tend to agree with what she says. Her observations rarely fail to illicit an aha! from me.

    I love that, because as a mid-40’s male in South Texas one wouldn’t think I have much in common with a twenty-something So-Cal/ Manhattanite/soon to be So-Cal young lady. That is one of the beautiful things about the internet in general, and this site specifically. Without either one, I would never have come in contact with this beautiful person. And by beautiful, I mean she has the traits I think a person should have.

    Tart – the children you care for are lucky, as are their parents.

  34. Tart

    Aww, Ken, you’re so nice. I know, isn’t the Internet neat? Plus, besides the human connection thing, you get comics about dinosaurs and their various adventures! Everybody wins.

  35. texasshiva

    Tart, if I ever run into you and ask how you’re doing, I really mean it.

    But I don’t know anyone in radio, so no worries there. And I’m not a creepy guy…or a guy at all for that matter. This southern thing is so not gonna fly in Boston.

  36. Brenda Helverson

    I think you missed the caller’s point – he wasn’t trying to compliment you, he was trying to insult you.

    The mere suggestion that anyone might actually work in the radio business these days is a gross insult. Shooting rats at the city dump is more satisfying (and you get all the rats you can eat). Radio is no longer a business, its a giant time sink that destroys people’s lives.

  37. Oh, by the way, Tart, when someone asks me how I’m doing, I’ve been known to reply, “All systems are functioning within normal parameters.”

  38. Betsy

    Hah! This post made me laugh. Thanks.

  39. Betsy

    Oh, by the way, Tart, when someone asks me how I’m doing, I’ve been known to reply, “All systems are functioning within normal parameters.”

    You know, Mustang Bobby, if I didn’t know better, I would swear you’re my friend Chris.

  40. (Somehow, I see burnt toast sitting up a bit straighter and saying, “I believe it is well known that I am not deficient in an understanding of the humorous, however, I fail to see …” etc etc etc.

    Scrape off the burnt bits, toast. Tart can teach you how.)

  41. I got a snicker out of this posting — thanks! Reminds me of a former co-worker who — if I didn’t have an inane smile plastered across my face at all times (even when facing my computer and working away) — would walk by and say, “Smile!”

    Responses I considered included:
    – Is that an order? Because if it is, I need to see your authorization.
    – Sure. Be funny.
    – *grin* (which instantly melts away, for sarcastic effect)
    – So, it’s my job to be decorative for you? Why isn’t your job the same towards me?

    What I actually said once — and then smiled afterward at the poleaxed look on his face:
    – Here, I’ll bare my teeth at you. Close enough?

    *yes, I can be prickly about some things*

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