[Huge nerd alert. You’ve been warned.]
Okay, so Mr. Shakes and I are both massive Indiana Jones fans. Each of us watched those films like nine gazillion times when we were kids—and we still watch them with embarrassing regularity. So we met the news that Indy 4 was finally really truly no we’re serious this time we mean it we swear going into production with both trepidation and the drooling anticipation of the profound geekdom that informs basically every aspect of our lives.
[Oh, also—if you don’t want to know anything about the upcoming sequel, stop reading.]
So, one day, we’re having a chat about it in the car while we’re driving somewhere or other, and he tells me he hears that Shia LaBeouf (adorable!) has been cast in the film. I tell him that the best. plot. evah. would be if it turns out that Shia is his son—and they bring back the hellacool superawesome Karen Allen as Shia’s mom, because Karen Allen was never surpassed as Indy’s match, and Indy knows it, and we know it, dammit!
Mr. Shakes, like, honestly gasped. “Babe. That is the fooking greatest idea oof all time.”
“I fucking know!” I said. “And now that I’ve thought of it, they’d better do it, or I’m gonna be pissed!”
He goes, real solemn-like, “Me too, babe.”
Well, la-dee-da, I just read this at Michael K’s juke joint: “Sources close to the production of Indiana Jones 4 say that Karen Allen will be back as Indy’s greatest girlfriend, Marion Ravenwood. Marion will be the mother of Shia LaBeouf’s character who is going to be a greaser-type. Rumor is that Indy will turn out to be his father.”
Woot! Please, Baby Jebus, let it be true! I don’t ask you for much, Baby Jebus, but I had so few women pop culture role models, and, with the exception of Princess Leia, none of them exhibited the relentless kickassitude of Karen Allen in Indiana Jones. Let her return. Bring her back to me!
Oh, yeah. And back to Indy, too.
Found in the Oxford English Dictionary under smolder.