LYNCHBURG, VA – In the wake of the death of Jerry Falwell, hundreds of his followers were last seen running in sheer panic. The unequivocal evidence of Falwell’s status as a regular mortal has shocked people to their core.
Nathaniel, a local resident, was simply in a state of bewilderment: “What are we supposed to do now? Who’s gonna step in and tell us what to do?”
That answer came earlier today via satellite from an undisclosed location, where The Brain broadcast his announcement.
“Hear me, inferior citizens. In the name of dominion, I claim the ministry, the majority and all of its denizens for my very own. These people shall live with the sole purpose of following my directives and doing everything possible to please me.”
“Be quiet, Pinky, or I shall have to hurt you.”
“What’s a fall well, Brain?”
“It’s something you do quite often, Pinky. Now, we will commence with harnessing the minds of these ex-followers for our purposes. Hmm.. Are you pondering what I’m pondering?”
“I think so, Brain, but wouldn’t they get sweaty in pantaloons?”
“Never mind that, Pinky. The game is afoot. I think our plans have been made very clear today.”
“What do we have planned today, Brain? Are we going to look for those banana-colored sleeping bags I always wanted?”
“The same thing we have planned every day. Try to take over the world!”