Blogger offers Texas conservatives $500 to abort themselves

BLOGOSPHERE — A Blogger has proposed that Texas legislators offering women considering abortion cash to not have abortion be offered $500 to abort themselves.

William K. Wolfrum, who added the offer is also good for conservative radio talk show hosts, said Friday the money might persuade the legislators to make the world a better place, and that there were far too many Texas conservatives running around mucking up the U.S.

“If this incentive would give pause and end the existence of even 5 percent of these conservatives, perhaps we wouldn’t have lost so many Americans and helped in the slaughter of so many Iraqi civilians,” Wolfrum said. “And really, it would make the great state of Texas much more livable.”

One political analyst, speaking anonymously, said that being that so many conservatives had sold their souls for much less, she believed many would jump on the opportunity, and that stock in kick-stool and rope companies were skyrocketing in anticipation of a massive jump in sales.

Crossposted

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Sweet Jesus

Bill Donohue is back in the news, this time he’s bitching about Jesus. Well, more specifically about one sweeeeeet Jesus:

NEW YORK – The Easter season unveiling of an anatomically correct chocolate sculpture of Jesus Christ, dubbed “My Sweet Lord” by its creator, has infuriated Catholics preparing to observe some of their holiest days of the year.

The 6-foot sculpture by Cosimo Cavallaro was to debut Monday evening, four days before Christians mark the crucifixion of Jesus Christ on Good Friday. The final day of the exhibit at the Lab Gallery inside Manhattan’s Roger Smith Hotel was planned for Easter Sunday.

“This is one of the worst assaults on Christian sensibilities ever,” said Bill Donohue, head of the Catholic League, a watchdog group. “It’s not just the ugliness of the portrayal, but the timing – to choose Holy Week is astounding.”

[…]

The artwork was created from more than 200 pounds of milk chocolate, and it features Christ with his arms outstretched. The Cavallaro creation does not include a loincloth.

OH NOES==! No loincloth!== You mean Jesus had a penis?! A giant chocolate Jesus with a penis for all to see. I’m surprised Donahue didn’t keel right over.

You can check out a (SFW) picture at the link.

Yarrr, matey!

We find out via The All Spin Zone that a student in North Buncombe, NC, exercised his Pastafarianism and found himself suspended:

A North Buncombe student is suspended for wearing pirate attire to class. The school says he created a disturbance. But Bryan Killian says costume is part of his religion, Pastafarianism, and that the suspension is the school’s way of violating his first amendment rights.

[…]

Officials at North Buncombe say their decision to suspend Killian for one day had nothing to do with religion or religious beliefs. In a statement, Buncombe County Schools say, “…clothes and items that are deemed to be inappropriate or disruptive to classroom instruction are prohibited.” School administrators also say he ignored repeated warnings about his attire, and they had no choice but suspend him.

Yo ho, baby. Yo ho.

ASZ also points us to a local news poll (that you can vote in) that asks if you think the school district did the right thing regarding the suspension. Interestingly enough, most people are saying no.

Be Nice to the Scots

Or you may not like what you find in the mail!

A Scottish company has been slammed for inviting customers to “send a poo” to an Englishman on St George’s Day.

Edinburgh-based firm PostaPoo.com is selling plastic “realistic poo” to send to “your favourite (or least favourite) Englishman” to mark April 23.

Customers are given the choice between human or dog-style excrement, wrapped in tissue paper along with a personal message set beside the English flag.

The company sells their poo (I can’t believe I just typed that) year-round, and say the prank is popular with disgruntled customers and “revenge seekers.” The St. George’s Day gimmick is a new angle to peddle their wares. St. George, for those of you that might not know, is the patron saint of England. So basically, this novelty poo company is taking advantage of hundreds of years of animosity and oppression to sell fake poo. But at least they’re being light-hearted about it; it does all seem to be in good fun, and the company claims they’ve received no complaints from customers or recipients.

Members of the English Democrats Party, however, are not amused.

But members of the English Democrats Party, which is campaigning for an English Parliament, questioned the stunt’s legality.

Robin Tilbrook, the party’s national chairman, said: “The company’s website says they will not send this so-called ‘practical joke’ if the message is deemed threatening, racist, homophobic, or displays religious bigotry.

“It appears to me to be threatening, possibly racist and without question bigoted. It’s certainly offensive and possibly an offence.”

It’s a little difficult for me to take this seriously when they’re talking about fake poo. Hell, just the fact that they’re calling it “poo,” and not a “turd” or anything else is hilarious to me. Well, we’ll just leave them to squabble over their plastic poo. In the meantime, I will remind Mr. Shakes that while I once threatened to send him a pair of The World’s Most Awesome Pants, I’m still a nice guy and do not deserve poo in the post.

Please.

Someone Call the Waaaaaaaahhhmbulance!

Wal-Mart’s CEO is just so darned mad at the people of NYC==! Those meanies!== They’re such bullies! He wants to come in and put up some of his big shiny stores, and they just won’t let him, darn it!

First, a little bit from the Retail, Wholesale and Department Store Union, then the money quote:

Wal-Mart May Never Enter Manhattan

Still, Stuart Applebaum, president of The Retail, Wholesale and Department Store Union, which is leading the charge against Wal-Mart in New York, said Scott’s comments were good news for the union. The union represents 100,000 workers throughout the U.S. and Canada, including 45,000 workers in New York.

“They are going to find that no matter where they are in New York City, the response is going to be the same,” Applebaum said. “New Yorkers will not tolerate their way of operating. Their promises of low prices come at too high of a cost.”

Applebaum said that if Wal-Mart were able open in New York — the nation’s largest city — it would mean that there “would be no place that would be off limits.”

After the way Wal-Mart elbowed their way into Chicago recently, I’m admitting to a heaping spoonful of schadenfreude here. Wal-Mart’s not getting what they want for once. Hah! And this made me grin:

In an interview with The New York Times, published Wednesday, Lee Scott, Wal-Mart chief executive and chairman, said that trying to conduct business in New York was so expensive that “I don’t think it is worth the effort. I don’t care if we are ever here,” he told The New York Times at a meeting with editors and reporters on Tuesday.

You don’t want me? Fine! I don’t care! I don’t want to be in your stinky ‘ol city, anyway! I’m taking my exploited workers and going home!

Of course, it’s high costs, not the strong campaign against Wal-Mart that caused this tantrum.

Ahem.

The Prophet from Colorado Springs

If you’re a Christian, sing Hallelujah; the Second Coming is nigh. If you’re Jewish, the Messiah is here… and He’s living in Colorado Springs. He’s masquerading as a talk-show host and right-wing power broker James Dobson, but don’t let that charade fool you: He truly must be the Son of God because He has the power to say who is and isn’t a Christian.

Focus on the Family founder James Dobson appeared to throw cold water on a possible presidential bid by former Sen. Fred Thompson while praising former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, who is also weighing a presidential run, in a phone interview Tuesday.

“Everyone knows he’s conservative and has come out strongly for the things that the pro-family movement stands for,” Dobson said of Thompson. “[But] I don’t think he’s a Christian; at least that’s my impression,” Dobson added, saying that such an impression would make it difficult for Thompson to connect with the Republican Party’s conservative Christian base and win the GOP nomination.

Mark Corallo, a spokesman for Thompson, took issue with Dobson’s characterization of the former Tennessee senator. “Thompson is indeed a Christian,” he said. “He was baptized into the Church of Christ.”

In a follow-up phone conversation, Focus on the Family spokesman Gary Schneeberger stood by Dobson’s claim. He said that, while Dobson didn’t believe Thompson to be a member of a non-Christian faith, Dobson nevertheless “has never known Thompson to be a committed Christian – someone who talks openly about his faith.”

“We use that word – Christian – to refer to people who are evangelical Christians,” Schneeberger added. “Dr. Dobson wasn’t expressing a personal opinion about his reaction to a Thompson candidacy; he was trying to ‘read the tea leaves’ about such a possibility.”

I seem to recall a passage in the bible that warns against false prophets, cautions against people who loudly proclaim their faith, and advises us to go into our closet and pray in silence. But what do I know; I’m just a simple Quaker who believes that talking openly about your faith is arrogant, prideful, and tends to make others think that you think you’re somehow more holy.

I also believe that the Constitution was right in saying that there should be no religious test for any office, and if some pompous blowhard with delusions of grandeur decides that Fred Thompson isn’t worthy of his vote because he’s not “Christian” enough, I need to take a closer look at Mr. Thompson; he might be my kind of candidate after all. (Just kidding.)

Dr. Dobson and his crew keep predicting the End of Days and the Rapture when all of his like-minded “Christians” get beamed up to heaven, leaving behind all their clothes, worldly possessions, and the rest of us non-believers. As far as I’m concerned, it can’t happen soon enough: all those annoying, constipated, gay-bashing busybodies will be gone, and we can sell all their stuff on E-Bay.

Elections Have Consequences: Equal Rights Amendment Edition

Oh. Mah. Gawd. Twenty-five-years after it failed to be ratified by three-quarters of state legislatures to become a Constitutional Amendment (and eighty-four years after it was first introduced in Congress), the Equal Rights Amendment – now known as the Women’s Equality Amendment – is having a resurgence.

Yesterday, House and Senate Democrats reintroduced the measure … and vowed to bring it to a vote in both chambers by the end of the session.

…”Elections have consequences, and isn’t it true those consequences are good right now?” Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-Calif.) asked a mostly female crowd yesterday at a news conference, as the audience cheered. “We are turning this country around, bit by bit, to put it in a more progressive direction.”

The amendment consists of 52 words and has one key line: “Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex.”

I’m crying. I’m honestly sitting here crying, reading that line and thinking that it may finally make its way into the Constitution in my lifetime.