Hanging Onto the Wagon with the Tips of His Fingernails

Yeah, I’ve had that “stomach ailment” before myself. Usually after one tee many martoonis.

For the record, the beer Bush is pictured drinking has been identified as a Buckler, which is “non-alcoholic” beer…

Except here’s the thing about “non-alcoholic” beer:

They call it “near beer” and it may be nearer than you think.

Those trying to abstain from alcohol are warned against the use of non-alcoholic beer, now there may be scientific evidence to support the admonition.

…Other than the fact that all “NA” beer does contain a small amount of alcohol, there is now a new study out that seems to support the theory that it can cause a relapse for recovering alcoholics.

In the November issue of the Journal Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research, a team of California scientists report that smell may be enough to trigger cravings and a subsequent relapse among certain alcoholics.

Just saying.

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50 Comments

Filed under 01_shakespeares_sister

50 responses to “Hanging Onto the Wagon with the Tips of His Fingernails

  1. nightshift66

    I suppose it is wrong of me to hope that W falls totally, publicly, and permanently off the wagon in a nude lampshade wearing episode that’s caught on tape. But I do wish it; that might (but only might) cause even his lemmings to see him for what he is.

  2. I say give the man alcohol, all he wants and more. Put it in his other drinks. Let him drink screwdrivers for breakfast, Jack and Coke for lunch, Margaritas for dinner and jello shots for dessert. Let him snack on real rum cake. Irish up the man’s coffee.

    And I’m certainly not thinking of the health affects of such a regimen upon an older alcoholic. Oh, no way.

  3. Ivory Bill Woodpecker

    I wonder how long he has been drinking again, and/or using other drugs again, and the courtiers of the Corporate McMedia have been hiding it from the general public? :(

    Our president and vice-president are both mentally unstable. I hope we can survive until January 2009. :O

  4. SAP

    Can’t say I’m surprised at all. Once a crazy drunken fool, …

  5. Dr. Loveless

    Any child who has been forced to say, “Mommy can’t come to the phone — she’s, uh, sick today,” knows what stomach ailment is code for.

  6. Melissa McEwan

    Mr. Shakes just called me after he saw this post.

    Mr. S: Ooh my Good, he’s oon the way to fool-bloon droonkard. When a tee-tootlah picks oop a fake beer, that’s always the beginning oof the end.

    Me: And it’s a German fake beer, too!

    Mr. S: [bursts out laughing] Fooking hell. That proobably has moore alcoohool in it than a Bood Lite.

  7. The other thing about NA beer: It would be much improved by passing it back through the donkey.

  8. Now it’s time for: “Which incident gets big-time media play?”!!!!

    Incident One: Richer-than-God Presidential candidate gets an expensive haircut.

    Incident Two: Alcoholic leader of the free world seen dreamily knocking back beverage that contains alcohol.

    –WKW

  9. “Near beer” actually did cause a relapse for one of the clients I’m working with at the internship. It wouldn’t surprise me if this causes one for Dubya.

    Of course, you can always drink as much as you want in view of the public if they think you’re drinking near beer…

  10. I know he has access to weapons that could blow up the world, and his drinking should worry me. But it doesn’t, really. He’s too stupid to know how to push a button, so I think we’re okay.

  11. shen

    William, is that really a question?

  12. I suppose it is wrong of me to hope that W falls totally, publicly, and permanently off the wagon in a nude lampshade wearing episode that’s caught on tape.

    How would we be able to tell the difference?

  13. William, is that really a question?

    Of course it is, Shen. Just, you know, a really easy one.

    –WKW

  14. Ooh my Good, he’s oon the way to fool-bloon droonkard

    That made my day.

  15. shen

    so, like, extra credit for those failing american poly-tics 101?

  16. Kate217

    I suppose it is wrong of me to hope that W falls totally, publicly, and permanently off the wagon in a nude lampshade wearing episode that’s caught on tape.

    Yes, it’s wrong. It’s so very wrong! Do you really want to see Dub naked, ’cause I sure as hell don’t! (That the feeling is undoubtedly mutual can only be a comfort.)

  17. Chromosome Crawl

    While the mental image of a nude, lampshade wearin’ preznit caused MY stomach to turn (now I need a brainwash) – did anyone notice that he looks like he’s sneakin’ a peek down Chancellor Merkel’s blouse in that second pic?

    Last year feelin’ her up in the name of a ‘stress-buster’ massage, this year sneaking a peek – no wonder Pickles is staying down the road from the WH!

  18. I suppose it is wrong of me to hope that W falls totally, publicly, and permanently off the wagon in a nude lampshade wearing episode that’s caught on tape.

    i am personally holding out for the condi in thigh high leathers and karl in suede chaps and a ball gag with cheney pulling whip action. . .

  19. Melissa McEwan

    Yes, it’s wrong. It’s so very wrong! Do you really want to see Dub naked, ’cause I sure as hell don’t!

    LOL!!!

  20. nightshift66

    Kate217,
    I don’t particularly want to SEE it, but I do want it to be seen and undeniable. To date, we only have National Enquirer’s word for it that he’s drinking again. In this country, where McDonald’s cash registers have pictograms instead of numbers, it must be seen in order to be effective.

    Since the Right only considers sin to be impeachable, as opposed to lawbreaking and incompetence, then video of a drunken episode might work. Pictures of him being blown by Gannon would be better, but I’m willing to compromise! :-)

  21. nightshift66

    minstel,
    Friend, if I had your imagination I wouldn’t have to pay for Cinemax anymore!

  22. Do you have, like, a special ‘double-o’ key just to transcribe the words of Mr. Shakes? ‘Cause that would be fookin’ sweet.

  23. Alex

    When I heard this morning of the Chimperor’s stomach distress, I was reminded of the favorite excuse of professional athletes: “flu-like symptoms”.

  24. I would like to see him go on a toot in public.
    Not because it might kill him.
    Not because it would humiliate him.
    Only because it might impair his ability to continue doing evil in the world.
    Anything that would stop that horrible man, or even slow him down.

  25. r@d@r

    all we know is that this is what he drinks when he’s aware people are watching.

    as a recovering alcoholic i can GUARANTEE he is hitting the hi-test behind closed doors.

    not a single alcoholic in recovery i have ever met would go anywhere near “low-alcohol” beer. for the same reasons junkies in recovery try to stay away from codeine or similar prescription drugs.

    there’s worse things than being a drunk, but few worse than being a drunk with responsibility for the lives of millions.

  26. Just because the bottle is that of a “near Bier” doesn’t mean it really is, ya know. I want to see the “provenance”!

  27. Arkades

    Falling off the wagon? I think the wagon has already run over him a few times on its way back and forth.

  28. Melissa McEwan

    Do you have, like, a special ‘double-o’ key just to transcribe the words of Mr. Shakes?

    I wish! Maybe I should just borrow German eszett (ß), even though the Germans use it to symbolize a double-S.

  29. Kate217

    Only because it might impair his ability to continue doing evil in the world.
    Anything that would stop that horrible man, or even slow him down.

    Unless, of course, he’s meaner drunk than he is sober. That’s a very sobering thought in and of itself.

  30. Wow. I am sure all of you who seem to cheer for alcoholism and addiction are going to have a ball with Melissa’s latest about rape.

    Go get em guys, if you can find such pleasure in the arena of addictions then rape ought to be like a Costco of hilarity.

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  32. Nik E Poo

    I’d like to go on the record as saying that, I don’t think Bush is dangerous because he is an alcoholic … I’d assert that, many off-wagon alcoholics have a profoundly better grasp of reality, compassion for their fellow man and all around competence.

    Bush is dangerous because he’s a corrupt, greedy bastard who has less compassion than a goldfish and has no skills beyond being a Grandmaster of fucking shit up.

  33. Bitty

    The president was already dressed when he began feeling ill in the morning, White House counselor Dan Bartlett said. He said doctors are keeping an eye on him but that Bush’s illness — whether a stomach virus, a light touch of food poisoning or something else — is “not serious.”

    1. I’ll bet July 5 can’t come fast enough for ‘ol Dan.

    2. Does anyone besides me see a little snide commentary in the “or something else”? Or is it just that I wish it so?

    3. “Not serious” except for the fact that the lush has the nuclear codes and all.

  34. oddjob

    I know he has access to weapons that could blow up the world, and his drinking should worry me. But it doesn’t, really. He’s too stupid to know how to push a button, so I think we’re okay.

    And if after having a few he decides to have a few laughs, calls up the appropriate military staff and orders a bombing or two?

  35. Melissa McEwan

    I’d assert that, many off-wagon alcoholics have a profoundly better grasp of reality, compassion for their fellow man and all around competence.

    I would agree with you. But Bush was never really an on-wagon alcoholic; he was a dry drunk who kept many of the unfortunate features of alcoholism even as he let go of the booze.

    Go get em guys, if you can find such pleasure in the arena of addictions then rape ought to be like a Costco of hilarity.

    Some of the people posting the comments to which you’re likely objecting are themselves recovering addicts or family members of addicts. It’s a little gallows humor, and even I engage in that from the perspective of a rape victim.

  36. Bitty

    Some of the people posting the comments to which you’re likely objecting are themselves recovering addicts or family members of addicts. It’s a little gallows humor, and even I engage in that from the perspective of a rape victim.

    Family member here, which is why I feel Dan Bartlett’s pain.

    And I would never, never, never let my family members push nuclear buttons while drunk.

  37. oddjob

    And I would never, never, never let my family members push nuclear buttons while drunk.

    (Shakes head from side to side while gazing downwards and holding head in hands……..)

  38. Constant Comment

    Wonder if Laura is still living at the Hays-Adams?…

    Judging from some recent speeches and bizarro behavior, I’m guessing he’s still drinking.

  39. Charles W

    I don’t believe Bush has ever actually admitted to being an alcoholic, just that he stopped drinking. Which means, I suppose, that he can start drinking again at any time and claim it’s no big deal. He’s in denial about so many other things, why not be in denial about his drug addiction too.

  40. Brynn

    Just so you know, the two dj’s on “Newstalk 106″ I listen to pretty much M-F in Ireland were speculating about Bush being hungover this morning. I think one can safely assume that, even if the media in America is ignoring the issue, few people in the rest of the world are.

  41. Ivory Bill Woodpecker

    I hope someone sane has quietly instructed the military officers in charge of actually launching the nuclear weapons to ignore crazy orders from the Chimperor or Darth Cheney.

    And of course, media reform, media reform, media reform!

  42. PortlyDyke

    Actually, understanding gallows humor and all, I found myself a bit uncomfortable reading this thread.

    It doesn’t matter to me whether he does, or does not drink — or what he does or does not drink.

    I’ve known complete tee-totalers, recovering alcoholics, and practicing addicts that were inadvertent assholes, or absolutely incompetent, or downright evil-intentioned. I’ve known complete tee-totalers, recovering alcoholics, and practicing addicts/alcoholics who were not.

    My experience with drinking/drugging is that there are those who drink to go toward something (conviviality, celebration, relaxation), and those who drink to go away from something (avoiding taking a look at themselves, having feelings, etc.).

    That’s my definition of addiction — using ANYTHING (booze, drugs, food, work, sex, chocolate . . . ) to “go away” from something.

    By my definition, I think GW is probably an addict no matter what he consumes — I’m sure he has a lot to “go away” from.

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  44. oddjob

    I hope someone sane has quietly instructed the military officers in charge of actually launching the nuclear weapons to ignore crazy orders from the Chimperor or Darth Cheney.

    Darth isn’t even a part of the chain of command and must know the law precludes his involvement! That chain goes from the president to the Sec. of Defense (Gates), who apparently is the first semi-sane person you’ll encounter in the senior leadership of the present executive branch. Unfortunately, Darth has made it pretty obvious he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about the rule of law.

  45. Anonymous

    I’m a non-drinking alcoholic who once or twice a year has a non-alcoholic beer or glass of wine. It doesn’t “make me” want a real drink. Listening to AA members who believe they know what is best for me, does. As far as Bush is concerned, impeach his ass, sober or otherwise, now.

  46. NMRon

    “Just because the bottle is that of a “near Bier” doesn’t mean it really is, ya know. I want to see the “provenance”!”

    Don’t I know it. I had a thesis advisor who liked to keep his vodka in an empty Listerine bottle. At least until he decided to start downing the Listerine instead.

  47. Melissa McEwan

    It doesn’t matter to me whether he does, or does not drink — or what he does or does not drink.

    It doesn’t matter to me whether anyone else does, or does not drink – or what anyone else does or does not drink.

    It does matter to me whether and what George Bush does, particularly in public, because he’s the president. His appearance, his demeanor, his behavior, his clarity of thought all matter, not just to him and his intimates, but to me and mine, and all our safety.

    And I don’t presume anything just because he’s drinking, but because he’s drinking.

    I would have trusted Winston Churchill to run a war while drinking as much as he liked. But Bush is no Churchill.

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