Return to Me, Marion

[Huge nerd alert. You've been warned.]

Okay, so Mr. Shakes and I are both massive Indiana Jones fans. Each of us watched those films like nine gazillion times when we were kids—and we still watch them with embarrassing regularity. So we met the news that Indy 4 was finally really truly no we’re serious this time we mean it we swear going into production with both trepidation and the drooling anticipation of the profound geekdom that informs basically every aspect of our lives.

[Oh, also—if you don't want to know anything about the upcoming sequel, stop reading.]

So, one day, we’re having a chat about it in the car while we’re driving somewhere or other, and he tells me he hears that Shia LaBeouf (adorable!) has been cast in the film. I tell him that the best. plot. evah. would be if it turns out that Shia is his son—and they bring back the hellacool superawesome Karen Allen as Shia’s mom, because Karen Allen was never surpassed as Indy’s match, and Indy knows it, and we know it, dammit!

Mr. Shakes, like, honestly gasped. “Babe. That is the fooking greatest idea oof all time.”

“I fucking know!” I said. “And now that I’ve thought of it, they’d better do it, or I’m gonna be pissed!”

He goes, real solemn-like, “Me too, babe.”

Well, la-dee-da, I just read this at Michael K’s juke joint: “Sources close to the production of Indiana Jones 4 say that Karen Allen will be back as Indy’s greatest girlfriend, Marion Ravenwood. Marion will be the mother of Shia LaBeouf’s character who is going to be a greaser-type. Rumor is that Indy will turn out to be his father.”

Woot! Please, Baby Jebus, let it be true! I don’t ask you for much, Baby Jebus, but I had so few women pop culture role models, and, with the exception of Princess Leia, none of them exhibited the relentless kickassitude of Karen Allen in Indiana Jones. Let her return. Bring her back to me!

Oh, yeah. And back to Indy, too.

Found in the Oxford English Dictionary under smolder.

28 Comments

Filed under 01_shakespeares_sister

28 responses to “Return to Me, Marion

  1. Kathy A

    I was just watching Raiders for the first time in forever this past Sunday. I forgot how much I loved Karen Allen’s Marion.

    “Come back tomorrow.”
    “Why?”
    “Because I said so.”

    Just brilliant.

  2. *poings all over the place like the veryhappy fangirl she is*

    And this reminds me, I need to watch Raiders again.

  3. It’s also listed on IMDB, as a rumor, but hey…

  4. Just brilliant.

    Uh huh. That character is up there with Carrie Fisher’s Leia and Kathleen Turner’s Joan Wilder in Romancing the Stone and Jewel of the Nile (which I didn’t see until I was a bit older) as the female film characters that I most adored as a kid. (And do still!)

  5. Shia LeBeouf

    Good, a young actor who’s actually not a waste of space. They could screw this up in so many ways, but at least they’re off on the right foot.

  6. And, uh, according to Wikipedia, Indy’s love interest will be played by Cate Blanchett.

    And apparently, there will be no Sallah. I am sad now.

  7. Neneh

    WOOT!

    /fangirl

  8. You watched them when you were kids?

    FUCK, you’re young.

  9. mamajane

    Yeah, Hubby-poo and I watched them as teenagers, and now we’re watching the dvd’s with our kids. Life is sweet!

  10. FUCK, you’re young.

    Dude, Raiders is older than me, and I’m only a year older than Temple of Doom!

  11. nightshift66

    JackGoff,
    Permit me to echo Kona here. FUCK, you’re young!

  12. Thanks Melissa. You just picked my movie tonight!

    According to CHUD dated May 21,Karen Allen has signed on.

    The Indiana Jones IV information keeps rolling in (read last night’s revelation of Shia LaBeouf’s character and the film’s plotline here), thanks to ‘Belloq.’ Our idol-theiving source confirms rumblings I’ve heard from other quarters (and frankly, from common sense): Karen Allen will be reprising the role of Marion Ravenwood in Indiana Jones IV, and she’s going to be Shia LaBeouf’s mom. And you’ll recall that Shia is Indy’s son. You do the math. My sources tell me that this is a done deal, but Paramount offered no comment when contacted. It makes a ton of sense, though, as Karen Allen remains the iconic Indiana Jones love interest, and I’m sure Spielberg and company had no problem in securing her for the duration of the shoot. My sources have not been able to reveal how much time she gets in the movie, though.

  13. And, uh, according to Wikipedia, Indy’s love interest will be played by Cate Blanchett.

    Uh huh, but if they’re stupid enough not to have Marion win the day, they don’t deserve a dime of anyone’s money to see the film.

  14. Ooo, I’m thinking Blanchett as the baddie-on-the-sly, though they did already pulled that in The Last Crusade

  15. FUCK, you’re young!

    Well, I’ll just play in my sandbox over here then.

  16. shen

    “Uh huh. That character is up there with Carrie Fisher’s Leia and Kathleen Turner’s Joan Wilder in Romancing the Stone and Jewel of the Nile (which I didn’t see until I was a bit older) as the female film characters that I most adored as a kid. (And do still!)”

    all i can say to the above is ME TOO like some brain dead AOL user…….

    me too!

    that makes that makes 6 films i haven’t seen in a while that i need to go re-watch! movie night!

  17. That does sound like a good setup. Man, I hope they don’t manage to fuck it up too badly. I have no faith, as you might be able to tell.

  18. Kathy A

    Kathleen Turner’s Joan Wilder in Romancing the Stone

    I saw that in the theaters when it came out, and loved it! I was already reading romances, so I recognized every cliche of the genre that they put into that script, and loved the care they took into making it a fun tribute to the much-maligned books.

    It’s a film that is an under-the-radar classic, and the script is actually taught in screenwriting classes as an example of a script that does just about everything right: damsel in distress (who ends up saving herself), the rogue w/a heart of gold hero (who redeems himself in the end), the humorous sidekicks they meet along the way (the bandit who’s Joan’s #1 fan), the evil bad guy, the amusing henchmen/secondary bad guys, adventure, a mystery (what’s the treasure and where is it), and a journey for the protaganist.

    But, all-in-all, it is a very fun film to watch. (The cheesy 80s music is the only thing that interferes with the fun, IMO.)

  19. (The cheesy 80s music is the only thing that interferes with the fun, IMO.)

    Oh gawd. For me, that makes it even more fun!

    Of course, I love watching terrible films for laughs, so an element of the yuck in a good (fun) film enhances it for me.

  20. RedSonja

    I LURVE the idea of Marion coming back!! But I think I would have loved even better if Indy had had an adventuring daghter.

    And yes, I watched those as a kid, too. I had the biggest crush in the wholest entire world on Harrison Ford. Still do, actually. LOL!

  21. Doktor Wankenstein

    Indy 4

    Fire up the popcorn machine, I’m there already.

    Romancing the Stone

    It is my lifelong dream to have a black Jeep Wrangler and name it Little Mule.

  22. I think I would have loved even better if Indy had had an adventuring daghter.

    Me, too. But once Shia had been cast, that was never going to be an option.

  23. Gray Lensman

    I worked in a photo/electronics store in the mid-80′s where we had Raiders playing continuously on a VHS player for months. I watched the movie hundreds of times, but I still love it and watch it several times a year. Spielberg is a genius. Trust me.

  24. YES!!!!! I love Karen Allen! Huge crush on her when I was a kid and first saw the movie. Every Indy femme since then has blown… Sorry Mrs. Spielberg.

    Yeah! So happy.

  25. YES!!!!! I love Karen Allen! Huge crush on her when I was a kid and first saw the movie. Every Indy femme since then has blown… Sorry Mrs. Spielberg.

    Yeah! So happy.

  26. sorry… I keep double clicking.

  27. Two things:
    1) Please let this be true!

    and

    2) I hope Shia doesn’t get burned out from doing so many blockbusters! (Hey, he’s still got a couple of Transformers movies to make!)

  28. mammaroz

    My dad took me to see Raiders when I was ten, and that was the first time I learned about exposition in a story or movie (I asked Papa what happened to the idol from the opening scenes with Belloq, and he said that was just to show us what Indy does for a living and how he met Belloq … ohhhhh).

    Three years later I was devoting my time to my H.F. scrapbook — all my friends were hot for Rob Lowe, Ralph Macchio, and other young TigerBeat/TeenBeat regulars, but give me Harrison Ford!

    Of course, I already had a thing for older men – I’d take Cary Grant over C. Thomas Howell ANYDAY!

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